Author: !# uncovered #! uncovered@gmx.at Title: It was worth it all (PG) Category: Hurt comfort, SA MRS MA RST Spoilers: The Truth Disclaimer: Dear Fox and CC. You won't believe it, but I don't make money of this story. I just took two of your best figures and made a story around them. What my mentor said to me: no harm no foul. Summary: Mulder returns to Scully. And they must deal with the after effects of his arrival. Comments: My first fic. English is a foreign language for me. But I hope you enjoy this little piece of mine. And I have to thank "truthwebothknow" for helping me with that work. She gave me a lot to think about, corrected it and made my day. I love you hon. you're me mentor. Thank you! Feedback: Please feedback me!!! So I know if I should write again, or let it be with that one.. uncovered@gmx.at It was worth it all I saw him for a while before he saw me. On a cold, dark night in may. It was raining heavily. I felt him, even before I saw him, and when he was walking towards me, I felt relief washing over me. This is it. Now is the time. He's back again. All those years waiting. This four years of not knowing the truth, and being the only one who believed he's coming back. And now, when he is only 30 feet away and I see his face for the first time, I know I was right. Tears running down his eye's, nose and down his neck. I can see horrid big scars, that weren't there when he left. A closer look at his hands, reveal big red bloody welts from a whip, or some other cruel torture instrument. His green eyes as beautiful as meadow at a warm sunny morning were shining with delight, but behind it, masked but not hidden well enough from me, was fear. I hope that someday I'm going to be able to replace this fear with beautiful images and thoughts. Then I'm going to give him so much love, comfort and support, shutting out the awful fears. Maybe this time he'll stay, and won't leave me again. I know how important it is for him to feel some kind of security now. But my needs are important too, and I've waited long enough for him. He stops in front of me. One step, one shared heartbeat and I'm in his arms. Seconds or minutes go by. I don't know. I just know that I have to feel him, touch him everywhere to make certain he is real, and not some ghost playing nasty tricks on me. And I take this step now, his arms flying automatically around my body. I'm going limp in his warm, longed for embrace. All my fears are gone, replaced by beautiful images of our time together. His body surrounding me. His smell invading me. He did it again. I wanted to comfort him, but ended up letting myself get comforted. I love him. A silent whisper reaches my ears: "I love you too". As if he could read my mind. He knows me so well. Even after these four years, that changed me so much. My love remains the same. Sobbing and getting drenched, we both stood there. Letting the storm pass by, the world fading from our consciousness, until only we remain. Not just the weather, but the storm of emotions that are surely raging inside of us. I'm sort of shocked now, and for the first time I realise how really thin he's become. He is so skinny now, and I could feel every bone through his clothes. "Let's go inside," I tell him and he follows me, never letting go of my hands the whole way to the house. To our house, I must correct myself. This is finally our home. Awkwardly we stand in the living room. "I'm going to take a bath, ...if that's okay?" he asked me. "Ok, I'll be waiting for you in bed". I answered, somewhat shy after all this time, but anticipation of his warm skin next to mine, alive with me. So we went different ways. He upstairs to the bathroom, and I downstairs to the bed room. Half an hour later I was lying in bed when he came in. I smile at the sight of him. Dressed only in a T-Shirt and shorts I left in the bathroom for him, where they remained laying in there for four years. I never gave up on him. I washed his shorts occasionally, you know, so that it would smell good when he wears it for the first time. He stands before the bed now. Unsure. I can see it in his eyes. He is uncertain of what to do next. He looks like a child to me, eyes alive and full of gentle questioning, asking permission, permission that he never needs.. His clothes hang on him, once a proud and now bony body. He fingers the top of the shorts with one hand. They would fall down, if he didn't. He's too thin... "Get out of your clothes. I want to see all of you". I tell him tenderly, almost in a whisper. And he obeys. Slowly, Stripping in front of me, but never taking his eyes away from mine. Painstakingly slowly and so afraid. Until he stands there naked, so vulnerable in front of me. I see the... scars. Everywhere. There wasn't a single part of him free of those bloody angry red wounds. A cry lodged in my throat, that almost cut off my next breath. So shocked am I, that his beautiful body has been marred this way. He closed his eyes. Seeing the pain in mine. I can't shield that away from him. It was too much of a shock for me. "You think I'm ugly, don't you!" Unable to speak as the lump in my throat refuses to ease, as he quickly dives back into the T-Shirt, I watch him. His back is turned and he is shaking...or sobbing, I note as his back heaves in the low light of the room. Who did that to him? How did he even survive? I found my voice again, just as he was nearly out of the room. This can't be the end. I have to do something. "Don't walk away from me.....please." He turns around and looks deep into my eyes. Watery with unshed tears that catch the light, and my heart squeezes in empathy for him. So many questions he's asking me with that one glance. And I did the only thing I could do. No words exists that could ever adequately describe how I felt about him at this moment. So all I could do was open my arms and open my heart, my soul, my everything to him. My never ending love for him was shining through my eyes. Answering all his questions. A glimmer of understanding passes over his eye's, leaving a little of that light there that I so loved about his gaze. And he finally understands. Taking one soft step after another to me, and he knew then, that it didn't matter a damn how long he'd been away, or how badly he looked now , only that he was with me again. He returned my look, and was back in my arms before I could take another breath, enfolding me in his scent, his warm skin. He lay flat on top of me, as gentle as a silk blanket of warmth. The little weight he had left, pressing my own body gently into the bed. He kissed me then. Soft and tender, like butterfly wings landing on a leaf. Slowly, tenderly and with barely contained passion, just beyond his next breath. Our first kiss and I was in heaven. Our first kiss in four years. I never wanted to forget that very moment ever. I fell in love with him all over again. This night we made passionate love , limbs and breaths, sighs and soft reassurances of mutual love reclaimed. I gave him all I could an he returned this gesture. We needed that. Too much time has passed. Afterwards we lay together. I was draped over him like a second warm skin. The best place on earth. Our bodies no longer joined, but our souls bounded by our love. I heard his even breathing, but I couldn't sleep. He was so peaceful...so beautiful in the pale light of the room. You wouldn't know that he'd just came from god only knows where. No hint of fear now on his beautiful face. I watched him the whole night. Every breath he took. Making myself truly believe that he is back. I closed my eyes as I saw the first signs of the sun. Drifting off into my first restful sleep in four years, tucked against the swell of his chest. His heart vibrant and wonderfully real under my ear. I woke up and was alone. I was sure that it was just a stupid dream. But then he walked into the room. Holding a tray with fruits and coffee. And that familiar smile. He kissed me good morning, and I kissed him even more passionately back. Making sure to show him how much I needed him. He knelt beside me on the floor by the bed. "I'm never going to leave you again!" he whispered into my neck. Has this man learned to read minds? I didn't know if I could believe him, but he never lied to me before. He wouldn't lie now. That all happened ten long years ago. He kept his promise after all. Never once leaving me. He's put on some weight now, and is once again the handsome and lean man he was before. The scars no longer angry, just sad. Faint reminders of pain and trauma too deep, too terrible to imagine. We have a nice life today. Always as I wanted it to be. We have two children, the third one on the way. I'm eight months pregnant now. Living a dream. A dream we both paid for dearly. We never talked about, where he was for those four lonely years. We are so glad that he stayed, and has healed; healed us both. His scars are smaller now, but sadly not the emotional ones. Physically he is doing fine, but 10 years later and he still wakes up from nightmares. Screaming and sweating. His eyes shining with fear. So much fear and pain. He says, only I could help him. And every time he wakes up from his nightmares I cradle him in my arms. Wrap him in my love, rock him gently and stroke his back, like he is one of our children. And in those demon filled nights he is a child again. A scared desperate child taken back to a horror that I don't know. Needing the comfort of the one person who he thinks can keep him safe. And I try. I really do. I'll never going to ask him, what scares him so much. Feeling that terror pour out of him, make his muscles rigid and trembling , it is enough for all the answers I seek. I help him, love him, hold him and the terrible dreams lessened over time. Our love survived an invisible war, and I know that whatever happens to us in the future, nothing could ever harm us again. We beat the odds. Faith manages and through our love, his demons slowly drift away, evaporating on the chill night air like the winter wind. I hope one day, that our children will find a love a strong as ours. And I pray every night that they don't have to suffer like their father has. Never forget, it doesn't matter what other people say, it only matters what you feel in your heart, in the core of your being. Believe in love, and you will gain everything you ever wanted. Maybe not always under the best conditions, but when I look at him now, playing with the children. His love clearly for them, for us, I know that it was worth it. That the terrible price we paid back then, gave us what we deserved today and for eternity. He looks at me again now. His happy, beautiful eyes fixed on mine. Breaking into my soul, seeping through my heart with such warmth, and making me special, important and happy. In those moments, I can only think: Yeah, it was really worth it all........ !# uncovered #! uncovered@gmx.at