Title: I Saw the Sun Author: Obfusc8er E-mail: aobfuscata@hotmail.com Spoilers: "The Truth" Disclaimer: These characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and/or FOX. Rating: PG Category: V, A Archive: Gossamer, Mulder in Jeopardy, Enigmatic Dr.'s. Others please ask first. Summary: A universal constant and its influence. Note: I was watching "The Truth" and was struck by a peculiar question during the prison scenes. What would be the significance of a brief glimpse of light to a person living in darkness? The following is my attempt at portraying one possible answer. xxxxxxx Day One xxxxxxx I saw the sun today. It made me think of her. I saw the sun through a crack in the universe. So accustomed to the dark and lost in time...so inverted and unaware was I that it reached in, touched me, and withdrew before I could recognize it. The moment was tantalizing, almost unreal. I tried to convince myself that it would return. I would be ready next time, ready to follow its elusive rays. Light, even cold and too weak to impart color, was a foreign thing, a strange, fragile intruder that glided in on the wings of a golden butterfly and disintegrated around me. It promised me comfort; it rocked me gently in its arms. Later, I realized that I was alone again, rocking back and forth with no one's arms wrapped around me but my own. I felt like a fool and lay down on the stony floor. My stomach growled, my mouth went dry, bruised muscles protested, but my discomfort was overshadowed by shock. The sun had such power over me. Betraying, misleading power. Just a glint. A lure. I had already lost. I pressed my forehead against the smooth floor and closed my eyes in surrender. "No sleeping!" xxxxxxxx Day Two xxxxxxxx I saw the sun today. It made me think of her. Luminescent fingers pried at my eyelids. Pain. Pain from the light and from the darkness. When I opened my eyes, the rays sparkled like magic, carrying aurulent dust and the unbridled specks of my hope that threatened to be swept away with each passage of the dark shape before me. This time I was not overwhelmed. The sun, however tiny its form, was familiar now. But all I wanted was an answer, and it would give me none. "I want some answers!" I studied the light for answers, searching with my eyes, with my soul. There was nothing to be gleaned, and the pain returned. I squinted against the blows, unable to protect myself in any other way. Still, the radiant sliver would not leave me. I opened my eyes again, since I could not hide. The dust sparkled and danced in the air around the black baton, riding invisible currents stirred by an unseen hand. Finally, the dark shape obliterated most of the light, leaving only a small patch of sun glinting through a tiny rip in the fabric of my universe. Something about that adamantine visitor spoke to me. I sat still and very quiet, unsure of the message. "No sleeping!" Black devoured the pinpoint, but its ghost still resonated inside my head. I listened intently to a voice that was at once elusive and innate. Time passed in secret, but I could not discern the message. It remained just out of reach, taunting me. Demanding an unknown price of me. I grew frustrated and jumped to my feet, ignoring my dissenting body, and yelled into the darkness. "What do you want from me?!!!" I asked the question not of my human captors, but of my universe. The answer came to me as I stood there, hands clenched into fists and trembling under a gamut of emotions. Hope. xxxxxxxxx Day Three xxxxxxxxx I saw the sun today. It made me think of her. I felt its presence before I saw it. At that moment, I was slipping away with each echo of my heartbeat. It would have been so easy to succumb to the madness...ever so easy. The sun extended its being across 93 million miles to encompass my body. Its warmth permeated exposed skin and fear. I lacked the strength to react, so I simply waited. I was ready to quit, but the coruscation would not allow it. Fight, it told me, but I no longer felt human. I was convinced that my exile was becoming more irreversible with each passing second. My strength and resolve had been stripped away, leaving only a quivering animal behind. I was desperate for water and longed for sleep with every fiber of my being. My mind had degenerated, able to comprehend only basic needs. Water. Sleep. And her. I turned over and opened my eyes. For the first time, I saw the brightness of the sun's rays beating down on my battered frame. Humiliation was the objective, a power play. I saw what I was meant to see, however, in spite of all efforts to the contrary; I still had life, therefore a reason to fight. And even though she was not with me, I still had her. I still had her in the startling and perfect beauty of that small piece of sun. The dark forms entered my universe again, but I still had her. "What are you thinking?" I had to survive, at any cost. I still had her. I said words that burned my own ears and made my bile rise: lies, distortions, and aberrations of everything I'd ever stood for. I did not believe them in my heart, though. I had compromised my ideals, sold myself for a moment's respite, but I would live to make retribution another day. The shadows left my little universe. My tired eyes registered the return of the featureless void. I was alone again, damaged, unable to see to my most immediate needs, but none of that mattered. The utter desolation of the blackness surrounding no longer had dominance. The evil at the door held no power over me. I closed my eyes. I thought of her. And I could still see the sun.