If you haven't seen "Quagmire" (in season three) yet, you probably 
wouldn't want to read this, because it might spoil the ending.

This is about Mulder and Scully when they get old and have to be put 
in a retirement home.  Even though "Dod Kalm" was about them being 
old, it wasn't really.  I hope you all like it, because it's the first 
story I've submitted, or whatever you want to call it.

Mulder and Scully and Krycek are property of Fox and Chris Carter and 
everyone else, even though they are just a tad older now.  No 
copyright infringement was intended.  No old people were harmed in the 
writing of this story.

THE GEEZER FILES
by S. Sanger

It was a bright and sunny day.  The sun shone in the window at the FBI 
retirement home in Washington DC.  An old and withered creature sat up 
in bed.

"Nursh!" It yelped. "Nursh!  Where is that dang-blasted nursh when you 
need her.  I tell you, no reshpect around here, I get no reshpect!"

"What is it, Mr. Mulder?" asked the nurse, coming into the room.  She 
sighed and bent over, helping Mulder off the floor, where he had 
fallen.

"I've mishplaced them again, where are they?" he lisped.

"Where are what?"

"Why, shay, you wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you?"

"Where what are, Mr. Mulder? I can't help you find them, unless you 
tell me what you're looking for."

"WHAT?"

"What are you looking for?" the nurse said, a little louder.

"My teeth, doggone it, where have they gotten to?" Mulder groped 
around the bed, looking for his teeth.

"They're right here on the side of the bed.  If you would put your 
trifocals on as soon as you woke up, you wouldn't have any trouble 
finding them. Next time, try the table by the side of your bed before 
you yell and wake up the entire nursing home." The nurse leaned over 
and popped dentures into Mulder's mouth.

"Say, I can talk much better now.  And what did you say about a 
nursing home?" he yelled.

"Shhh." The nurse left.

****

"Boy, oh, boy, cheese soup again." mumbled the man next to Mulder. "I 
love cheese soup, don't you?  Say, are you going to eat yours?"

"Shut up, Krychek.  No one cares what you think.  I'll kill ya." 
Mulder snarled, grabbing his bowl away.  "No, you can't have mine!"

A woman laid her hand on Mulder's arm as she eased herself into the 
chair next to him.  "Ohhh, my aching bones!" she mumbled.

"Hello, Miss Scully, may I sit here?" another man, followed by two 
more, came up beside Scully, and plopped himself into the chair across 
from her.

"Frohike, you old--"

"Now, now, we don't need you calling any one old.  No one here is 
old." said a nurse, coming around to the side of Mulder.  She had a 
young looking face, and long brown hair. Mulder squinted at her 
nametag, but couldn't tell what it said.

"Are you new here, Miss?" he asked.

"Why, yes I am."

"Thought so.  Haven't seen you around here before.  My name's Fox 
Mulder. And yours?" he stuck out an old, withered hand.

The woman looked a little startled. "My name's Sam--" Just then there 
was a crash in the kitchen. "Oh, excuse me.  I'll have to go see what 
that was."

As she left, Mulder mumbled to Scully, "She sure looked familiar.  Do 
you think she looked familiar?"

"No, I won't give you a family.  I told you once, and I'll tell you 
again, we're too different.  I remember the day you asked me that.  
May 22, 2005... "

"No, SCULLY!" he yelled, bringing her back to the present.

"What?"

"No, doggone it, that's not what I said. I said, she sure looks 
familiar."

"Who?"

"That new nurse."

"Nope.  Never seen her before in my life."

"Probably my imagination."

"Inflation?  I know, my taxes are going up higher and higher.  I hate 
that. Me!  I'm old!  I don't have a job to pay for all these expenses! 
 And these politicians these days--"

"SCULLY, NO!  I said, it was probably my IMAGINATION."

"Oh." she said, a little perturbed. "Probably."

They ate their cheese soup.

****



"Say, Scully, guess what?" said Mulder later.

Mulder, Scully, and Krychek were in the community room.  Mulder and 
Scully were sitting in two easy chairs facing each other, but Krychek 
was on a old sofa back in the corner of the room.  Every so often, he 
would hold his head up, twitch his nose and look around.  Then he's go 
back to his sitting position for another few minutes.

"What?"

"Today we're having some 4-H kids visit us.  They're bringing their 
pets."

"MULDER!" she shouted. "Could be just a little more crude?  No, I 
won't pet you! The thought!  Why . . . "

"No, Scully, no, SCULLY!"

"Huh?"

"I SAID, SOME 4-H KIDS ARE BRINGING US THEIR PETS TO LOOK AT!"

"Oh."

There was a silence.

Just then, the woman who had to run off to the kitchen came over to 
Mulder and Scully.  "Hello.  I'm sorry I didn't get to talk with you 
more, but I had to go clean up a mess.  Since I'm new here and all--"

"What?" that was Scully. "You had to wash our clothes with All?  I 
thought they stopped making that in 2015!"

The woman looked confused.

"Just ignore her.  Sometimes she can't hear very well." Mulder rolled 
his eyes.

"Mmmm.  Anyway, as I was saying before, I'm new here.  My name is--"

All of a sudden, there was a bright flash of light from the next room. 
The woman jumped, looked nervously around, then ran off toward the 
kitchen.

"That was mighty strange, wouldn't you say Scully?"

"The mange?  My Queequag doesn't have the mange!"

"STRANGE, Scully, STRANGE!"

"He's not strange, either!"

"Never mind." Mulder began mumbling to himself. "That woman gets jumpy 
at the strangest things.  Camera flashes, and stuff.  Weird."

****

Scully and Mulder surveyed the full room.

"Don't you just love animals, Mulder?"

"Yes, I do."

They held a few cats and a few dogs, but Scully seemed disappointed.

"What's the matter, Scully?" Mulder finally asked, knowing he would 
regret the answer.

"My Queequag isn't here."

Mulder sighed.  "Give it up, Scully.  Queequag is gone.  Forever.  And 
ever. He'll never be back.  Gone.  That alligator ate him."

Just then, a furry little Pomeranian ran up and jumped in Scully's 
lap.  A little boy followed it.

"This is my dog, Pookie." he said. "We found him just a few nights 
ago, half drowned in our lake.  He's mine now."

Scully made a sort of gurgling noise, and Pookie began to lick her 
face. "Queequag!"  The little dog bounced around on Scully's lap. "Ow, 
ow, Queequag, stop!"

Pookie looked up at Scully, and laid his head down on her shoulder.

"All right, kids, it's time to go.  Bring your pets.  I'm sure these 
folks have had enough excitement for one day." said a man up front.

The little boy began to pull Pookie off of Scully.

"NO!!" Scully shouted, latching onto the dog.

"Scully, now, you have to let him go." Mulder said.

"NO, I WON'T!"

"Scully, you have to."

"I finally found him, and I'm not giving him up!"

"Scully, it's not your dog."

"I don't care.  He was once!"

"Remember the time with the tape?  I had to give it up.  Now, you have 
to give this up."

Scully released the dog and began to cry.  Mulder put his arm around 
her.

"It's okay, it's okay."

"It's not fair, I found Queequay."

She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

"Don't cry, Scully. Be strong.  Just like you told me to be strong."

She cried some more.

Suddenly, she stopped.  "Queequag is dead."

"Yes." Mulder agreed.

"And if he didn't die then, he would be dead now.  It's over fifty 
years later."

"Yes." he agreed again.

"Okay." Scully sat up, and straightened out her shirt.

"Thank you for believing me, Scully."

She smiled at him.

A nurse spotted them from across the room. "Mr. Mulder, really.  I 
don't believe this."  She started to pull a confused Mulder out of his 
seat. "I really, truly thought we had this wetting our pants thing 
under control. Just look at the mess . . . "

Scully smiled again.

******** 

The End

I hope you liked it.  I would appreciate comments and stuff, but 
please be nice!  This was my first try!  :)