"Broken" by Shell T Summary: Does your other half know it when they make your heart break? Disclaimer: Yeah, they're not mine blah blah. Rating: I guess PG-one not very bad word Archive: Yes! Yes! Ohhhh, yes!!! Feedback: Pretty please? I've written about three stories, but not in a long long time. Constructive criticism is appreciated, and flames will be used to toast Geometry books and French homework. Email: Shellmsx14@aol.com Spoilers: Big Redux II, Colony...umm some other minor stuff For some reason, she chose that exact moment to look up through the glass window fronting the hospital room. Of course, the minute I see her blue eyes, I get this ridiculous, goofy, smile on my face. Even though my heart aches to see her this way, I can't help my happiness at the fact that she's ALIVE. She looks surprised as I walk in the room, and I know she doesn't expect me to be here now. As I walk in the room, she lifts her head. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" "I heard you were being moved out of the ICU, that you were feeling better" I say, and I can hear my happiness in those simple words. It wasn't very long ago she could barely even breathe on her own. "Somebody's going to see you here," she warns in a low voice, and I remember that she doesn't know that the cat's out of the bag. Of course, she naturally wants to keep me in line. After all, it's her job. Still smiling, I kiss her cheek. There's so many things I WANT to say to her, and it hurts that I can't say them, even now. But I she knows, I can see it in her face. "It's OK. I'm officially among the undead." Strangely enough, Dr. Scully seems satisfied with that explanation. That worries me a little...she never lets me off the hook that easy. But she certainly looks better than I last saw her, so I'm content with that. "What happened?" My smile becomes strained. I would want to know everything if I were in her position, but can I help it if I want to just sit here and watch her. We haven't gotten a chance to just sit together and talk in...well, I can't even remember the last time we talked about anything not pertaining to work. After all, the X-Files are my life, and sadly, they're trying to take Scully's. "I did not come here to talk about," I reply softly, even though I know she'll never take that as a simple answer. She stares at me for less than a second, before she is demanding my compliance once more. "Mulder, don't try and protect me. I need to know." She doesn't understand....what have I been trying to do ever since the day she set foot in my office four years ago?! She's my first female partner, so naturally, I figured it sort of went with the job. Then she began opening up to me, and it became more than just a nine to five job. Her protection became my life's work, especially after I lost her for those nightmarish three months. Not that I don't doubt she couldn't kick the ass of anyone who messed with her, but I've never been this close to anyone before. My childhood-to put it bluntly-sucked. After Sam disappeared, my somewhat peaceful childhood came to a screeching halt. I was the laughingstock of the school, and the kids all pretty much stayed away from me after that. My childhood ended when I was twelve, and no one ever really cared about me after that. Then after years of loneliness, they give me Scully, my "little spy". We both knew something of each other, and were complete opposites from the beginning- but as the old adage goes, opposites attract, and our friendship is stuck together like glue. Well, maybe other agents at the bureau would refer to it as Krazy glue, now that our reputation proceeds us. Yeah, I know, I'm getting sentimental in my old age, but there's just this little smile in my heart whenever I see her. Now each time I see her, a little bit of my heart breaks. I KNOW what she tells me- the words "terminal cancer" rings in my head like my funeral bells. Yes, Mine. I answer her question honestly. "Well, there's not much to talk about anyway. I'm going to testify to everything I know in front of the FBI assembly...." she watches me intently, and I'm glad I never even thought to lie. ".....the conspiracy, the men behind it, what I believe is it's purpose...." "Did you find out who at the FBI is involved?" I don't know how to answer that one. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here, and this conspiracy goes deeper than the Grand Canyon. I haven't figured that out yet. I sigh. "It doesn't matter now." But that won't stop Scully, she's fired up now. "Yes it does!" Oh god, now she's getting upset. Why can't I be around her without getting her upset or abducted.... "Hey Scully," I murmur, "how `bout those Yankees?" "Mulder, Skinner has evidence against you. He knows that you killed that man in your apartment." Something I can agree with. "Yeah...Skinner's withholding evidence." Scully has a stronger opinion. "Mulder, Skinner's dirty. he's not your friend. I am almost certain that he's the man inside on this." That on the other hand, I'm more reluctant to agree with. I can't rule it out, but something about Skinner playing for the dark side just doesn't ring true. "I don't believe that." As I gaze into Scully's intense blue eyes, Skinner's own words come back to me from one of his tirades at me... "Do NOT underestimate the serious of this matter Agent Mulder. A man is dead!" Whoa, Deja Vu all over again. Scully is tired, but her strength doesn't waver and her weakness won't show until this conversation is over. "If you testify," she warns, he will use it to ruin you." "No," I insist, "not Skinner." Scully looks at me in surprise. Mr. Paranoid not believing in a crazy theory like this? "He's been in a position to know everything since the beginning, everything we've done over the past four years!" Scully, please...I don't want to fight with you over this. I'm so deep into confusion I don't know how I'll ever get us both out. "If I don't testify now, they'll start to bury the truth." For the first time, she is silent, just staring at me. I can't see which way the wheels in that little red head are turning, and it scares me. After a few seconds, she seems to have decided something. "Well, then you have to lay it on me." My mouth drops open, but she continues. "You have to tell them that I was the one who killed that man." This is a sick joke, right Scully? I feel nauseous and weak. Does she honestly think I would even consider doing that to her? Haha Scully, cruel joke, but I'll get over it. She's not laughing. I stutter, stumbling over my words in a tireless effort to emphasize my feelings. " I can't...I can't do that." My emotions don't show in my face, at least not to the effect I'm feeling. Her eyes soften, and seem to sense my pain. But she won't let go of it. "Yes, you can. Mulder, if I can save you, let me. Let me at least give some meaning to what's happened to me." My heart pounds and my throat constricts. That's a quitter's talk. Why is she acting like this is the end?! Before I can argue further, a voice at the doorway wakes me out of one nightmare, and yanks me into a waking one. "Dana? Hi, Fox," Mrs. Scully says gently, her voice trembling a little. I try to smile for her, but it comes out lopsided. "Oh, hi Mrs. Scully." "I hope I'm not interrupting anything,"she says nervously, in an almost hopeful way. "No, I was just on my way out," I reply. I can't deny this family any more time apart because of me. I kiss my partner's hand tenderly, and try not to show my fear at leaving her. As I get up to leave, I pass her brother in the doorway. I stick out my hand in a half-hearted gesture of greeting. "Hi. I'm uh...Fox Mulder, I don't think we've ever met." "I'm Bill Scully," Scully's brother replies, pumping my hand and staring me up and down. "I'm sorry about your sister," I say softly, and I hope he realizes how sorry I am. "Mr. Mulder?" I turn back around, and look in his face in confusion. "Yes?" "I know something about you, about what Dana's been through with you," he says haltingly. "So let's try and leave the work away from here OK? Let her die with dignity." He walks in the room, and I am alone, in shock. I can't move. I've never actually used that word, even to myself. But now the work Die echoes through my head. I look in to see Scully with her family, and I feel a huge lump in my throat. As I pass another door, I feel a warm, salty tear slip down my cheek, and I struggle to keep my sobs in, trying to be strong. So this is what it feels like when your heart breaks.