April Fools by Craig Stevens This is something I dreamed up last night. I decided to rush it into production. I thought of it while thinking of something I could play on my graduate advisor.... All characters the property of Chris Carter and Fox Network. Scully fairly kicked the door in as she entered the basement office she shared with Mulder. Sparing him not a glance she sat down at her desk and pulled out a file folder. Setting her face into a stony look, she tried to ignore Mulder. Mulder watched the performance with a pleading look on his face. "Scully, I said I was sorry. How many time do I have to say it?" "It wasn't my idea to send Skinner that box full of 'Hair-in-a-Can'sprays,"she hissed at him without turning around. "Yeah, well, you did go in for half of the cost." Scully sighed and turned around. She whined,"But he wasn't supposed to find out that it was us that sent it! You said everything was untraceable." Mulder gave Scully a disgusted look. "Hey, I had no idea that Skinner would be clever enough to figure it out." Scully glared back at Mulder. "Well, he did. And do you know what he did in reply? Have you checked your office mail yet?" "No, why?" Scully reached into her bag and threw a memo envelope at him. "We've been taken off our current work and reassigned." Mulder read the envelope's papers. "New York City?" "Yep. We're to go to New York City, today, to investigate strange sightings in the sewer system." "What!? Today? The sewer system?" Scully closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "What words didn't you understand, Mulder? I think Skinner just doesn't want to see our butts for a while." Mulder frowned. "I guess we have no choice." "Ahhh, the first thing you've gotten right yet." Unfortunately, it took them hours just to get out of Washington. First, their requisition for flashlights was denied, citing their quota for the year had been used up. All they got were some cheap, beat up hand lights. "We're supposed to see in the dark with these?" said Mulder holding the dim bean to his eye. The quartermaster replied that if they wanted to just sign here, and agree to have their next paychecks docked. . . Their requisition of waterproof gear was also denied. "Sorry, Mulder," said the supply officer. "A lot of trainees are doing wilderness classes. We do have these nifty pairs of golashes, however. . ." Lastly, the only care they could get was a beat up Geo Metro. "We're supposed to drive this? I could put this thing in my pocket," Mulder told the motor pool official. The official replied, "I wouldn't do that, Mulder. That would be considered as theft." Scully managed to drage Mulder away before he started shouting (or shooting). They didn't make it to New York City until 1pm. They didn't find the officials they needed to see until 3pm. There were just two of them. One was FBI, the other from the sanitation department. Both were dressed in yellow raincoats and rainpants. "Agents Mulder and Scully. I'm Agent Harry Johnson. This is Joseph Donner of the sewer department. We're here to take you down into the sewers so you can see wehre the incidents occurred." "Right now?" said Scully. "Can't we at least find some better gear first?" "There isn't time," Johnson replied. He smiled. "Don't worry, it's not as bad as you might think. They entered the sewers around 5pm. According to Donner, sewermen had rkeported seing strange animals moving in the water, and just yesterday a man had disappeared. "Do you think it's that leech-thing we saw before, Mulder?" They were slogging knee deep in water through the watery tunnels. Their lights feebly glowing, in contrast to the bright torches of the men ahead. "Could be Scully. Watch your step." She didn't. Johnson waded back to Mulder and Scully. We're almost near to where the man disappeared. When we-" he was interrrupted by Donner screaming. "Help, its got me!" he shouted, and then was pulled under. The three of them rushed forward, but it was too late. His light had vanished. "Damn, where the Hell is he?" Johnson cried. "I can't see anything." said Mulder. "Here, reach down and search," said Johnson, dipping his arms under the water. Mulder and Scully followed suit, soaking their sleeves in the stinking water. "I can't find anything," Scully said. "Maybe-" Johnson started to say, but then down the tunnel came screams for help. "It's Donner," he shouted. "Come on!" Johnson started running down the tunnel with Mulder and Scully following behind. They came to a junction, with a tunnel leading off left and right. "Which way?" Mulder asked. "Let's listen," said Johnson. They listened for a minute. Off to the right, they heard echoing cries for help. "That way," he said, and resumed charging down the tunnel. Mulder and Scully tried to keep up, but lacking the appropriated gear they quickly fell behind. "Johnson, wait!" shouted Mulder. But Johnson ignored them and kept running. Soon he was far ahead. Then suddenly something large and gray pulled Johnson down. Johnson screamed once and was silent. When they reached where he had disappeared, all they found was his flashlight floating on the water. "So now what?" asked Scully. They kept searching for what seemed like hours. Finally, Scully called a halt. "Mulder, face it. We're lost. We have to get out of here and find help." "Ok, you're right. Let's go." Suddenly, they heard a roaring, sloshing noise coming from all around them. Mulder, upon hearing it, felt a flash of recognition. "Scully, what time is it?" She checked her watch. "It's nearly nine O' clock. What's that noise? Rain?" "No, Scully. Worse." He looked up at the small drain openings around them. "It's the NBA playoffs, Scully." She gave him a blank look. "Halftime." he said. From above, the deluge came down. Miserably they entered the New York FBI office. People ran away from them in droves. One man came out of his office to check on the commotion. "What the heck is that smell??" he shouted. Then he saw them. "Hey, Mulder and Scully. What the hell happened to you?" "Hello, Wilson. We were investigating strange occurences in the sewer with Agent Harry Johnson and sanitation official Joseph Donner. They disappeared down there." "Who??" Wilson replied. "We don't have a Harry Johnson here. and the sewers? Cripes, we closed that case a month ago. Turns out it was a prank." He sniffed and grimaced. "You guys better get outa here or we'll have to fumigated the whole place. Oh, and by the way, Skinner sent me this to give to you." He handed Mulder and envelope and turned and ran down the hall. Mulder stared dumbly at it. He passed it to Scully. "Here, you read it." She opened it and read it for a minute. Then she started to laugh. "Scully, what is so funny?" "It says, 'Mulder and Scully, I found I prefer the red-headed hair spray. See you when you get back.'" Mulder thought about this. "The bastard set us up." "Looks like it, Mulder. I guess you were right." "What's that?" "Skinner really is too clever for us. THE END Well, there it is. I hope you got some enjoyment out of it. Oh, some of you may recall I posted an incomplete story called DARK PREY. I haven't stopped working on it, and I intend to finish it. Now that the school year's over, I should have more time. Craig Stevens April Fools by Craig Stevens This is something I dreamed up last night. I decided to rush it into production. I thought of it while thinking of something I could play on my graduate advisor.... All characters the property of Chris Carter and Fox Network. Scully fairly kicked the door in as she entered the basement office she shared with Mulder. Sparing him not a glance she sat down at her desk and pulled out a file folder. Setting her face into a stony look, she tried to ignore Mulder. Mulder watched the performance with a pleading look on his face. "Scully, I said I was sorry. How many time do I have to say it?" "It wasn't my idea to send Skinner that box full of 'Hair-in-a-Can'sprays,"she hissed at him without turning around. "Yeah, well, you did go in for half of the cost." Scully sighed and turned around. She whined,"But he wasn't supposed to find out that it was us that sent it! You said everything was untraceable." Mulder gave Scully a disgusted look. "Hey, I had no idea that Skinner would be clever enough to figure it out." Scully glared back at Mulder. "Well, he did. And do you know what he did in reply? Have you checked your office mail yet?" "No, why?" Scully reached into her bag and threw a memo envelope at him. "We've been taken off our current work and reassigned." Mulder read the envelope's papers. "New York City?" "Yep. We're to go to New York City, today, to investigate strange sightings in the sewer system." "What!? Today? The sewer system?" Scully closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "What words didn't you understand, Mulder? I think Skinner just doesn't want to see our butts for a while." Mulder frowned. "I guess we have no choice." "Ahhh, the first thing you've gotten right yet." Unfortunately, it took them hours just to get out of Washington. First, their requisition for flashlights was denied, citing their quota for the year had been used up. All they got were some cheap, beat up hand lights. "We're supposed to see in the dark with these?" said Mulder holding the dim bean to his eye. The quartermaster replied that if they wanted to just sign here, and agree to have their next paychecks docked. . . Their requisition of waterproof gear was also denied. "Sorry, Mulder," said the supply officer. "A lot of trainees are doing wilderness classes. We do have these nifty pairs of golashes, however. . ." Lastly, the only care they could get was a beat up Geo Metro. "We're supposed to drive this? I could put this thing in my pocket," Mulder told the motor pool official. The official replied, "I wouldn't do that, Mulder. That would be considered as theft." Scully managed to drage Mulder away before he started shouting (or shooting). They didn't make it to New York City until 1pm. They didn't find the officials they needed to see until 3pm. There were just two of them. One was FBI, the other from the sanitation department. Both were dressed in yellow raincoats and rainpants. "Agents Mulder and Scully. I'm Agent Harry Johnson. This is Joseph Donner of the sewer department. We're here to take you down into the sewers so you can see wehre the incidents occurred." "Right now?" said Scully. "Can't we at least find some better gear first?" "There isn't time," Johnson replied. He smiled. "Don't worry, it's not as bad as you might think. They entered the sewers around 5pm. According to Donner, sewermen had rkeported seing strange animals moving in the water, and just yesterday a man had disappeared. "Do you think it's that leech-thing we saw before, Mulder?" They were slogging knee deep in water through the watery tunnels. Their lights feebly glowing, in contrast to the bright torches of the men ahead. "Could be Scully. Watch your step." She didn't. Johnson waded back to Mulder and Scully. We're almost near to where the man disappeared. When we-" he was interrrupted by Donner screaming. "Help, its got me!" he shouted, and then was pulled under. The three of them rushed forward, but it was too late. His light had vanished. "Damn, where the Hell is he?" Johnson cried. "I can't see anything." said Mulder. "Here, reach down and search," said Johnson, dipping his arms under the water. Mulder and Scully followed suit, soaking their sleeves in the stinking water. "I can't find anything," Scully said. "Maybe-" Johnson started to say, but then down the tunnel came screams for help. "It's Donner," he shouted. "Come on!" Johnson started running down the tunnel with Mulder and Scully following behind. They came to a junction, with a tunnel leading off left and right. "Which way?" Mulder asked. "Let's listen," said Johnson. They listened for a minute. Off to the right, they heard echoing cries for help. "That way," he said, and resumed charging down the tunnel. Mulder and Scully tried to keep up, but lacking the appropriated gear they quickly fell behind. "Johnson, wait!" shouted Mulder. But Johnson ignored them and kept running. Soon he was far ahead. Then suddenly something large and gray pulled Johnson down. Johnson screamed once and was silent. When they reached where he had disappeared, all they found was his flashlight floating on the water. "So now what?" asked Scully. They kept searching for what seemed like hours. Finally, Scully called a halt. "Mulder, face it. We're lost. We have to get out of here and find help." "Ok, you're right. Let's go." Suddenly, they heard a roaring, sloshing noise coming from all around them. Mulder, upon hearing it, felt a flash of recognition. "Scully, what time is it?" She checked her watch. "It's nearly nine O' clock. What's that noise? Rain?" "No, Scully. Worse." He looked up at the small drain openings around them. "It's the NBA playoffs, Scully." She gave him a blank look. "Halftime." he said. From above, the deluge came down. Miserably they entered the New York FBI office. People ran away from them in droves. One man came out of his office to check on the commotion. "What the heck is that smell??" he shouted. Then he saw them. "Hey, Mulder and Scully. What the hell happened to you?" "Hello, Wilson. We were investigating strange occurences in the sewer with Agent Harry Johnson and sanitation official Joseph Donner. They disappeared down there." "Who??" Wilson replied. "We don't have a Harry Johnson here. and the sewers? Cripes, we closed that case a month ago. Turns out it was a prank." He sniffed and grimaced. "You guys better get outa here or we'll have to fumigated the whole place. Oh, and by the way, Skinner sent me this to give to you." He handed Mulder and envelope and turned and ran down the hall. Mulder stared dumbly at it. He passed it to Scully. "Here, you read it." She opened it and read it for a minute. Then she started to laugh. "Scully, what is so funny?" "It says, 'Mulder and Scully, I found I prefer the red-headed hair spray. See you when you get back.'" Mulder thought about this. "The bastard set us up." "Looks like it, Mulder. I guess you were right." "What's that?" "Skinner really is too clever for us. THE END Well, there it is. I hope you got some enjoyment out of it. Oh, some of you may recall I posted an incomplete story called DARK PREY. I haven't stopped working on it, and I intend to finish it. Now that the school year's over, I should have more time. Craig Stevens