Title: This Can't Be Happening

Author: Maria O'Rourke

Feedback: dk_scully_101@yahoo.com

Website:
http://www.geocities.com/itsnottheendofthexfiles/entrance.htm

Archive: Yep to anywhere it usually goes.

Keywords: angst, S, MSR, POV

Spoilers: none specifically, set after S9.

Rating: PG

Summary: It all pointed to one thing. It was back.

Author's Notes: This is a little different to the
style I usually write in, but hopefully it's worked
out okay. 

Disclaimer: Not mine.

--
Monday, 1st November 2004
--

This can't be happening.

I felt different.

Yet the feeling was familiar.

But I never thought...

At first I didn't recognise it. 

But that didn't last long.

The searing pain in my throat.

The ringing in my ears.

It all pointed to one thing.

It. 

It was familiar.

But unwanted.

It was memorable.

But despised.

It was back.

--

My eyes open slowly. Everything is blurred. I try to
swallow but my throat feels like sandpaper. My mouth
is dry. My head is spinning.

This has to be a joke. 

This can't be real.

I close my eyes. The room is too bright. The whole
room seems to be radiating hot white light. Burning my
corneas. I will be okay. I just need to take a minute.

It is the flu.

Or allergies.

Who am I kidding? I know perfectly well what it was.
Then I feel it. The familiar dampness around my
nostrils.

Shit.

I pull the covers from my body quicker then I should
have and throw my legs over the side of the bed. 

Okay.

So far so good.

If I can just make it to the bathroom then it will be
all right.

He wouldn't have to know.

Just have to put one foot in front of the other.

Simple.

But reality is slightly different. My head is spinning
and it doesn't help that the room has decided to join
in. I take a deep breath. The bathroom can only be a
couple of steps away. 

Right?

But in what direction?

I close my eyes. Darkness. I just have to calm down.
I'm panicking and making a bad situation worse.
Opening my eyes, the room seems to settle slightly and
I can just about make out the door.

My fingers grasp the handle and I turn it. There is a
thumping in my head now accompanied by a ringing in my
ears. 

This is not good.

Not good at all.

Then I feel myself fall.

--

I'm dreaming.

There is a light. 

Noise.

Lots of different noises.

And a scream.

Followed by another.

And another.

They keep screaming.

Who are they?

Then I see her. 

She is standing alone in the middle of a field. The
sky frames her. The sky itself comprises of yellows
and greens, swirling around in huge currents of
colour. 

Of death.

It is the end.

I stand beside her as the sky opens and it starts to
rain. Her hand finds mine and our fingers intertwine. 

I'm not scared.

I don't think she is either.

And that's it. That's where my dream ends. 

Because I wake up.

I heard something.

My heart skips a beat as I realise that she is not in
the bed beside me. 

Okay. 

Where the hell is she?

And then I see the door open. It's raining outside.
When did it start to rain? 

I correct myself. Such a stupid thing to think. She
must be outside. But as I get out of the bed, I
realise that she didn't make it that far.

She's lying facedown on the blue carpet, her hand
stretched outside the door. She is getting wet. It's
only seconds before I'm down beside her, checking her
for injuries.

Her nose is bleeding.

She must have hit it when she fell.

I feel for a pulse on her neck and sigh with relief
when I find one. It's beating extremely quickly. But
it's beating. I gently shake her.

Please be okay.

For a moment, she doesn't move. 

Neither does my heart.

Then her eyes open slightly and she mumbles something
unrecognisable. I wipe a strand of hair from her eyes
and call her name softly.

Please be alright.

Please.

She licks her lips and attempts to swallow before
sighing.

"What happened?"

Your guess is as good as mine kiddo.

"You fell."

Great answer. Of course she fell.

"Can you stand up?" I ask gently and she winces as I
touch her cheek. 

She must have hit it.

When she fell.

"I think so, just get me to the bed."

Yes ma'am. 

My hands gently help her to stand. I notice that her
steps are slow and she stumbles once before we reach
the bed.

I still haven't closed the door.

--

I sit up against the headboard, trying to support my
back. If I don't, I think I'll fall. 

But he's here.

I see him looking towards the door. It is only now
that I realise that I must have mistaken the door
leading out of our room for the bathroom door. 

How the hell are you going to explain this one Dana?

"Were you sleepwalking?" he asks as he sits beside me.
He takes my hand, staring into my eyes. He wants to
make sure I'm okay.

If only he knew.

"Maybe."

Liar.

Coward.

"Scully, you're a danger to yourself sometimes, you
know that?" he's joking but he doesn't realise how
close he is to the truth. I try to smile but wince as
my cheek reminds me of the fall. "I'll get you a cold
cloth."

How can this be happening?

It's not fair.

It's not right.

I watch in silence as a blurred Mulder walks over to
the door and closes it. He does it softly but the
noise seems like thunder in my head. I cringe, holding
my temples.

"You definitely look the worse for wear Scully..." he
pauses, looking extremely concerned. 

Great. 

"I'll be fine."

Liar.

Coward.

My voice sounds far away. And muffled. Like it's
somebody else.

I wish it was.

He disappears into the bathroom and it's not long
before I hear the water running in the sink.

This can't be happening.

I feel different.

Yet the feeling is familiar.

It. 

It is familiar.

But unwanted.

It is memorable.

But despised.

It will slowly kill me.

--

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