The Addiction Series - Part 1 of 4 Speed by Mulderslady Part of the Addiction Series DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. Only Brad and Gini do. RATING: Pg-13 to R for drug use CLASSIFICATION: S, A, MT, MSR, AU KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder angst, MT, AU SPOILERS: None URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/addiction.html FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!! SUMMARY: Mulder's addicted to Speed. Part of the Addiction Series, a group of stories in which Mulder is dealing with an addiction. *****************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow *****************************%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% "Mulder, there's no one else. This is a delicate situation, we need our best guys on it. You know you're the best profiler we got." "I've been up for 26 hours already." "Don't make me beg please." "Fine. I'll be there in 10 minutes okay?" "Thanks, I owe you." "Remember that when I ask for my vacation Patterson." Mulder said with a smile as he got up and stretched. He waited till Patterson left and pulled out a small vial from his pants. He sighed heavily as he opened the top. I need to stop this, it's becoming a habit, but I need to stay up. This is the best way even if it is illegal, he thought as he took two pills and gulped them down with some ice tea. He sat in his chair and closed his eyes, waiting for the drug to take effect. DC massage spa "Hey Dana, how's your client list look today?" "Light, why?" "Brad called in sick, and we're splitting his list." "Ok Let me know." "Mulder where you going?" "I have an appointment to keep, you don't need me anymore. I'm going to get some sleep, don't call me." Mulder said getting his stuff and heading out the door. DC massage spa "Mr. Mulder hello. Brad isn't in today, but we have another one of our masseuses helping you. Her name is Dana Scully." "Ok thank you." "Hello Mr. Mulder, how are you?" "Tired." "Well let me help you relax. So what do you do?" "I'm a behavioral Profiler at the FBI." "Wow, high stress, I can tell by your shoulders." "I've been up for 38 hours." "So I shouldn't be offended if you fall asleep on me?" "NO you should take it as a compliment. I rarely fall asleep on the table no matter how long I've been up." "Ok well relax, I'm getting started." "You haven't?" "No, I was just seeing your problem areas." "Wow, I think I may be changing masseuses." Dana giggled and started rubbing his shoulders. He hummed with pleasure and turned his head to the side, exhaling heavily. Dana looked at him, he's beautiful, she thought. Pouty mouth, long lashes, strong jaw, silky hair, beautiful soft skin, muscular. I know Brad enjoys massaging him. "Why are you a masseuse Dana?" "Well I wanted to be a surgeon, but I didn't want to go through all the schooling, plus I wouldn't get to feel up gorgeous guys like yourself if I was a surgeon." Mulder blushed and opened his eyes. OH my, he had to have beautiful eyes, didn't he? She thought as he locked eyes with her and double blinked. "Wow!" Dana blushed. "Stay still." "Yes ma'am. Are you married?" Dana laughed. "No, why, you asking?" "Yes." Dana laughed harder. He sat up and turned towards her. "Mr. Mulder?" "Just call me Mulder." "Mulder." "Or yours." Dana blushed. "Dinner tonight?" "Mulder I . . ." "I can't take no for an answer. Please? Dinner?" Dana nodded and looked away from his intense gaze. "Ok let me finish your massage." "Sure thing." Mulder said turning back on his stomach and sighing contently. Later Mulder fixed his sweater as he knocked on her door. A wave of exhaustion hit him suddenly. He quickly pulled out his vial and popped two pills. I can't go to sleep on her now. I'm going to murder Patterson for making me have to stay up this long! She opened the door and smiled. "Hey Mulder." "Hi Dana here." He said handing her two red roses. "Thank you." "Lets go, I made reservations at the Ruth Chris Steakhouse, unless ..." "No, that's perfect thanks." He smiled at her nervously as he took her hand in his. 11 p.m. "Mulder I had fun thanks for inviting me to dinner." "My pleasure Dana. Um Dana?" "Yes." "Can I kiss you goodnight?" "Of course you can." Mulder smiled and cupped her face in his hands bringing her lips to his. He claimed them hungrily, his tongue invading her mouth, his hands starting to wander along her side. He moaned into her mouth, pulling her closer to him. She could feel his growing need against her belly as he pulled away with a groan, his eyes full of desire. "Can I come in?" he said, his voice deep from arousal. Dana smiled and pulled him into her apartment and shut the door. Next morning Dana turned to look at her clock only to see silky chestnut hair. "Mulder?" He groaned in response. Oh my god, he spent he night, we slept together! He turned towards her, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey Dana, how you feel?" "Good." He smiled and snuggled into her more. "What time is it?" "Clocks behind you." He turned and looked at the clock. 8:30. I slept all night? That's a first. Wait a minute, Dang I gotta go to work! He sighed heavily and released her. "Where you going?" Dana asked concerned. "To work. Can we meet for lunch, dinner or something? I want to . . . I need to see you again Dana." "Sure, lunch sounds great, I have to work late tonight." "Can I come over tonight?" Mulder said with a hopeful smile. She smiled and touched his back, running her fingers up and down his spine lightly. "I take that as a yes?" "Sure." He captured her lips with his and went to take a shower. 9:30 a.m. "Hey there you are, you look rested." An agent said as Mulder walked to his desk. "Thanks." His partner Reggie looked at him suspiciously and smiled. "Rested my foot, you look like you got laid! Who was she?" Mulder smiled slyly. "My masseuse." "Brad?" "No, Dana. Brad was sick and she's . . . man, she's hard to describe. She's meeting me for lunch, you'll see. Ok now, what is the latest on the Matthews case?" 12 a.m. Mulder pulled out his vial and took two pills swallowing them down quickly. Oh that's better, he thought as the drug took effect. I got to stay level and awake for her, he thought as he replaced the vial in his pants pocket. "Fox?" Mulder looked up, smiling when he saw Dana. "Yeah." "No wonder you go by Mulder. Ready to go?" "Yeah, yeah I'm ready, come on." He said grabbing his jacket and putting it on. She touched his arm gently as they walked out the office and he smiled, placing his arm around her quickly. "Sorry for my hasty exit this morning, I wanted to talk some more." "Yeah so did I, you seem like a very interesting person." Diner "So being a masseuse pays well?" Mulder asked taking a bite of his sandwich. "Yeah, especially at our salon. We get all the Congress men and what not." "Pick up a lot of guys from work?" Dana looked at him strangely. "No actually, you're the first person I've worked on that I've dated." "I really like you Dana." "I really like you too Mulder." No matter how strange you are, she thought as she watched him reach in his pocket for something. "Here." He said sliding a small box over to her. She opened it to reveal a beautiful opal necklace. "Oh Mulder, this is beautiful, thank you." "I hoped you'd like it. When I saw it, I thought of you. I think your so beautiful Dana." Dana blushed furiously. "Will you be my girlfriend? I would be so honored . . . was I supposed to ask that? It's been awhile since I've dated." "I find that hard to believe." "I work like crazy, most women don't like that." "I don't mind, I understand. Your job demands a lot from you, I wouldn't try to tie you down. I believe you shouldn't take your life so seriously and try and have as much fun as possible, you know?" "That's a good Philosophy. How old are you Dana?" "24, How old are you?" "27." "Where do you live?" "Alexandria." "Aren't you hungry?" "Hmm?" "You've hardly eaten a thing." Mulder looked down at his half-eaten sandwich. "OH I kinda forgot, got distracted." "By what?" "You." Dana turned crimson and looked away from his intense gaze as he finished eating. 3 weeks later A wave of exhaustion hit Mulder and he popped two pills quickly, gulping them down with some iced tea. Can't get drowsy now, I got 3 meetings this afternoon. Dang I'm thirsty, I'm not supposed to be this thirsty, he thought as he continued gulping down the tea. "Breathe man, breathe. Jeez, you going to lick the bottom of the bottle?" his partner Reggie said with a smile. "Hey Reg, I'm just so thirsty." "See, I go on vacation and your not taking care of yourself." "Just wait till I take MY vacation." Reggie laughed. "So what's happening?" Mulder quickly filled Reggie in and he laughed again. "Man, that must be some good Iced tea, calm down." "The best, Lipton Extra sweet, no lemon. I am calm." "You're as calm as a 3 year old after a candy binge. What's up?" "I met someone. She's perfect for me in every way. I'm seriously avoiding falling in love with her, but first we have 3 meetings this afternoon." "Ok so the 3 probables are, hey you missed your turn." "What would imply I'm not going home yet, wouldn't it?" "Well, where are you going?" "The flower shop." "Ok whatever. Now the 3 probables . . ." "Do you think they cut the heads off . . . now where are you going Mulder?" "It will only take 5 minutes. I'll be right back." Mulder said, putting the car in park and grabbing his bouquet of daisies. He jogged up to Dana's door and knocked. "Hey baby, I was thinking about you and bought you some flowers." "Thank you Mulder, that's sweet. You want to come in?" "I really shouldn't my partners with me, I . . ." Dana kissed him on the lips tenderly and batted her eyes at him. "Just for a few minutes." 20 mins later Reggie looked at his watch and looked at Dana's apt door. Where did he go? He thought as he got out of the car and headed to her apartment. The door was unlocked and he walked in whispering, "Mulder? Mulder? Where are you, we need to go. Patterson's waiting for us." Where is he? A loud groan came from the bedroom and Reggie's eye brows quirked. They're not, are they? He thought as he went over to the bedroom and opened the door, rolling his eyes and blushing slightly when he saw them. Mulder was pumping into Dana wildly, his pants around his ankles, his shirt unbuttoned tie hanging loosely from his neck. There mouths devouring each other in their passion. Reggie closed the door and shook his head, chuckling as he headed back to the car. 20 mins later Mulder reemerged from the apartment, hair wild, shirt buttoned, tie still untied around his neck. He kissed Dana gently on the lips. "See you later ok." "Ok bye Mulder." He smiled and walked away, turning to see if she was still watching him. He got in the car and sighed heavily, a goofy grin spreading on his face. Reggie threw him an amused smile. "You going to be able to drive?" "Yeah, give me a minute." Mulder leaned his head back against the head restraint and sighed again. He finger combed his hair back into submission, retied his tie and started the car. "Can't wait to see you explain this one to Patterson." "I said 20 minutes to eight, not 20 minutes after." "Sorry, I had to make a stop." "Really? Hopefully it was important." "Oh yeah, definitely." Mulder said with a smile as Reggie blushed slightly. "Ok lets hear it, what's your excuse?" "Well, I had to stop and get flowers for my girlfriend cause I've been thinking about her all day." "Uh huh." "And well when I dropped them off, one thing led to another and well, I just had to screw her blind for about 40 minutes." Paterson double blinked and looked at him incredulously. "Then after that kind of intense love making well gee sir, I had to calm down. The post coital euphoria Mulder would have been more than you guys could handle. So that's why we're late. Alright lets get started!" Mulder said heading into the conference room, leaving 3 slackjawed agents, Patterson and an embarrassed Reggie in his wake. "Oh please tell me he's joking Reggie." Patterson asked as he came out of his initial shock. Reggie nodded his head no and headed in the conference room. Five weeks later Mulder ran down the jogger's trail at top speed. Forget morning jogs, morning runs are great for clearing my head. Why is this stuff illegal? I've never felt this good in my life! I have lots of energy, I feel great, I'm more alert, awake, think faster, better. The only side effect seems to be that I don't eat as much. I just got to force my self to eat. Three times a day and drink lots of fluids. "Whoa watch out, coming through." Mulder said running through a pack of joggers. Talk about an endorphin rush, there is no way I'm going back to jogging along in life. Speeding along in life with the aid of a little speed, Mulder thought laughing slightly. Which reminds me, I need to stock up. 2 days later Seized drug storage room Mulder wandered into the storage room and found the shelf he wanted. Strange, they have cameras in every other room in this building, except this one, he thought as he rummaged through a box and pulled out a large bag of speed in pill form. He did a quick look around and placed the bag in his briefcase, exiting quickly. Mulder's place Mulder opened his briefcase and pulled out his new stock of pills. He grabbed his bottle out of his pants and filled it, then filled his jar he hid under his bathroom sink. There, stocked for another couple of months, he thought. Now for a little fun with my playboy bunnies before I get some sleep. He turned on the playboy channel and looked at the screen. Tonight, the big-breasted women didn't appeal to him. He turned down the sound and closed his eyes, imagining Dana doing the things, saying the things the women on the TV had. Her creamy smooth skin, soft hair, warm lips caressing every part of him, cool hands burning into him. Mulder groaned and undid his pants as he got deeper into his fantasy. He ran his hands lightly up and down his chest, just like Dana did, the tips of his fingers, his fingernails sending trails of sensation through him. His hands disappeared into his boxers, wrapping around his engorged shaft, stroking lightly, imagining him inside her. "Oh so hot and wet." He murmured to himself as he threw his head back, caressing his length from base to tip, swirling his thumbs around the tip. He moaned loudly and started to thrust into his hand when Reggie walked through the door. "Hey man I think I got a . . . oh jeez sorry." Reggie said turning away quickly when he saw Mulder jerking off. Mulder snapped back to reality and shut off the TV, zipping up his pants. "You decent?" "Yeah." "Sorry man, but this was important. Sounded like a pretty good fantasy." Mulder blushed slightly and smiled. "It was." "Thought you were getting some on a regular basis, what's up with the handjob?" Reggie asked, placing the file on the coffee table as he sat on the couch next to him. "She's getting to be worse than a drug. I'm trying to wean myself off her but well, I can't, I'm hooked." Reggie smiled. "Your not hooked, you're in love, face it." "I don't want to give you the satisfaction." Mulder teased, "So what's so important about this file?" 6 weeks later Mulder walked into his apartment and checked his messages as he undressed. Bound to have a million of them, been gone six weeks case after case. "Mulder it's me, Dana. Is something wrong? I haven't seen you for awhile. I . . . did I do something? Did I crowd you? I mean I thought . . . I really like you Mulder, I just don't understand why you haven't even called. You know my number bye." Oh jeez! How could you forget to call her? She must have thought I dumped her. I really need to kiss and make up this one, Mulder thought as he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Mulder parked and grabbed the bouquet of roses off the passenger seat. He straightened his tie and smoothed his hair as he rang the doorbell. A large red-haired man opened the door. "Um I must have the wrong door, sorry I'm looked for Dana Scully." "No you're at the right place." "Can I come in?" "Ah sure, Dana you got a visitor." The other man sized Mulder up, letting out a slight chuckle. Dana came out of her bedroom, wrapping a robe around her and stopped when she saw Mulder. "Mulder? What are you doing here?" "Is this a bad time?" Mulder asked, his voice dangerously low as his gaze shifted between the man and Dana. "Mulder I . . ." Mulder let out a growl of frustration and rage, dropped the flowers in his hand and launched himself at the other man. The two men fell to the ground and Mulder started to punch him hard. "She's mine, you hear mine! Stay away from her!" "Mulder stop, please!" Mulder got up quickly and stormed back over to Dana. "How could you?! I'm sorry, I wasn't gone that long, was I? I thought you cared for me. How could you go out and . . ." "Mulder calm down, it's not what you think." "Well, who the fuck is he then?!" "He's my brother. He came from California to visit." Mulder turned and looked at the man, who was slowly rising from the ground, still trying to figure out what happened. "Oh jeez, I'm sorry Dana, I'm sorry I thought that . . ." "Yeah I know what you thought, don't you have any faith in me Mulder?" Mulder flushed, smiling as he picked up his flowers again, handing them to her. "Sorry, here." "Where were you? I was worried. I was thinking something had happened to you." She said taking the flowers and smelling them. "I had back to back cases I had to go out of town and investigate. I'm sorry I didn't call you, but when I'm working cases like that, I kind of forget reality." "You look like you lost some weight." "Probably, I don't eat much when I have cases like these." She reached up and tenderly touched his face, letting her fingers trace along his jawline. He held her hand there and kissed the palm gently. "I love you." He whispered only to snap back to reality. Oh no, did I just say what I think I just said, cause I think I just said I love you. "Mulder." She said, the 'er' purring in her mouth. She hugged him tightly and leaned up to receive a hungry kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth, tasting as much of her as possible. His hands started to wander when a deep throat clearing interrupted them. "Concept of other people?" Dana broke from Mulder's lips and Mulder wiped his mouth off, bowing his head slightly. "I'm sorry I hit you. I was . . . " "Jealous? Perfectly all right, just don't let it happen again. I'm her older brother Bill." "Mulder, Fox Mulder, nice to meet you Bill." "Same here. I think I'm going to go Dana, I think you two want to be alone. See you tomorrow ok?" "Sure Bill, bye." They resumed their kiss as Mulder moved her towards the bedroom and shut the door. Next morning "I haven't seen her apartment for awhile, she said she'd gotten some new furniture." Her mom said to Bill as she used her key to open Dana's apartment door. "Things are quiet, must be still asleep." "I'll put on some coffee." Bill said, taking a detour into the kitchen. He smiled when he saw the bouquet of roses arranged on the table. He was a character, he really loves her though, he thought as he started the coffee. Her mom went to her bedroom and gasped slightly when she opened the door. "What mom?" Bill said running over to his mom and peeking in. "OH." Mulder had Dana cradled in his arms, his nose in her hair, naked under the thin satin sheets. "Well I guess they made up." Bill said. "What do you mean? Who is he?" "Her boyfriend. He's a nice guy, tad protective and prone to jealousy, but I would be upset with him if he wasn't." Dana shifted, turning towards him and snuggled into him more. "I missed you Mulder." Mulder smiled and tightened his grip around her and sighed contentedly. "Let 'em sleep." Bill said closing the door. 9 am Dana got up and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. "About time you woke up." Bill said startling her. "Oh jeez Bill, mom, hey. Did you knock?" "No, mom had the key, didn't want to disturb you two. Just snuggled up into each other, so cute." Bill teased. Dana threw him a smirk and poured another cup of coffee. "Be right back." She said, carrying a cup of coffee back to her bedroom. She petted his hair out of his face and placed the cup of coffee on the nightstand. "Mulder? Brought you some coffee." He nodded as she kissed his temple leaving quietly. 2 p.m. "Goodness, what you do to the guy last night Dana? He's zonked out!" Bill asked looking at his watch. "He's probably exhausted, he doesn't sleep well when he's working cases. Let me check on him." Dana went back in, he hadn't moved from this morning, the coffee was still on the nightstand. "Mulder, it's two in the after noon, you going to sleep all day?" he cracked one eye open. "Maybe." "Come on, my mom's here, I want you to meet her." "Ok I'm getting up." Dana rummaged through her drawers and pulled out some of his clothes laying them on the bed as he sat up. "You know where everything else is, hurry up." When she left Mulder reached for his pants and pulled out his vial of pills. Man, I'm exhausted, he thought as he popped two pills and washed them down with the cold coffee by the bed. 7 p.m. "Your mom was nice." "Yeah I think she liked you a lot. I could see big catholic wedding beaming on her face." Mulder laughed. "Dana?" "Yeah?" "Can I live here with you?" "Huh?" "I want to move in with you." "Wha . . . why?" "I want to be with you. I hate going home and your not there. I . . . I'm . . ." "Yes?" "I'm falling in love with you and I want you to be a part of my life for . . ." "Hold up, are you proposing?" "No." "Whew, ok." "What?" he said with a chuckle. "I . . . that would have been too much, too fast." "So would you like to cohabitate with me?" "Yes I would." Mulder smiled and stretched out along the couch, placing his head in her lap and sighing softly. Next day "Where were you yesterday?" Reggie asked as Mulder walked into work. "What do you mean?" "You didn't come to work, you didn't answer your phone, your cell and you weren't crashed out on your couch. Where were you?" "Making up." "OH." "I didn't call her I kind of vanished, she was worried. I had to make amends." "Make amends?" "Yeah, oh what are you doing this weekend?" "Nothing why?" "I need help moving." "Moving?" "I'm moving in with Dana." Reggie spit his coffee across his desk. "WHAT?!!!!" "I'm moving in with Dana. So fill me in, what I miss yesterday?" Sunday "Mulder come on, the movie's starting." "I'll be right out." He shouted back as he went to their bathroom and took out his pill bottle. He popped two pills, washing them down when Dana came in. "What's wrong? What's this?" she asked concerned, picking up the bottle. Oh jeez! "I was getting a headache. I keep some Tylenol with me the good 650 mg stuff." "Oh yeah that'll knock out a head ache in no time flat. Come on, you'll miss the best part." She said handing him back the bottle and heading back to the living room. He put it back in his pocket and walked off, breathing a sigh of relief. 3 months later "Mulder, got that file I need?" Richardson asked. Mulder ignored him as he tried to type up an overdue expense report for Patterson. "Mulder! Hey I'm talking to you!" "What!" Mulder growled. "The file, Munch case." "In your inbox, if you ever bothered to check it." Mulder said viciously. God that man is such a pest! "Hey man, you seem on edge lately you ok?" Reggie asked when Richardson left. He was increasingly unpredictable, erratic and prone to violent rages over the past six or so weeks. He hoped he was just over worked, he was demonstrating symptoms of amphetamine addiction. There is no way Mulder would do that, would he? I mean he was working impossibly long hours, never seemed to get tired, seems to be forcing himself to eat. Nah, he's just stressed, needs a good long vacation. "I'm fine, he just never checks anything before he starts pestering people I mean doesn't he see I'm busy!" Mulder said exasperated. Richardson came back "Mulder, Hey Mulder." "WHAT!" Mulder said through gritted teeth. "The expense reports for it, where are they?" "If you'd leave me alone, I could finish them for you!" "Hey it's not my problem you rather go home and bone your girlfriend instead of doing your . . ." Richardson started in defense, when Mulder growled in rage and launched himself at him. He gripped his throat and started to squeeze. "You idiot Pest, I said leave me the fuck alone!" "Whoa, whoa Mulder let go!" Reggie said trying to pry his fingers from Richardson's throat. "Come on Man let go!" Reggie said wrenching him away. "Get the fuck off me!" Mulder said tearing from Reggie's grasp, and sitting back down at his desk in a huff. "You ok Richardson?" "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Crazy Freak!" he said running off when Mulder started for him again. "Hey Mulder stop, it's over ok?" Mulder nodded and started back on his expense reports. 4 weeks later "What do you mean you want me to have a random Drug screen?" Mulder yelled back at Patterson, "This is Bull shit!" he said as he smacked the kit off Patterson's desk. "Agent Mulder calm down! Your behavior has been increasingly erratic, violent, my superiors want to know. You have nothing to worry about a simple drug test. I know your just over worked, after you pass your drug screen, I'll schedule you some time off. You and your girlfriend can take a much need R&R, huh?" Patterson said picking up the kit and handing it to Mulder. Mulder took it and walked out of his office. Oh god, when was the last time I has some? I knew I should have cut back, but I got so tired and irritable. Great! What am I going to do, they are going to find out. Maybe I can get someone else's . . . oh great, now I really sound like an addict. Well it couldn't go on forever, either way you'll get a vacation, Mulder thought as he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. 4 days later "Mulder, how do I look?" "You looked perfect, stunning, alluring. Everyone's going to be so jealous of me." Dana turned and smiled at him. He's been in a weird mood lately, hyper, moody, it's good to see him leveling out. The stress at work must be getting to him, he really needs a vacation, she thought as he kissed her gently on the lips. "You look good in a tux, maybe we should go to more formals." "Yeah right, I'm only going to this cause Reggie begged me to, plus I wanted to show you off. Come on, I don't want to be late." "I thought you'd never get here. Gini's abandoned me for the bathroom. Hey Dana." "Hey Reggie." "Where'd you put us?" Mulder asked releasing Dana's hand. "Away from the action, close to the food and dance floor." "Perfect!" Dana said walking ahead and looking around the hall. "Man! You better stay close to her tonight Mulder, she's looking EXTRA fine." "I know, that dress fits in ALL the right places." "Who's dress?" "Hey Gini, Dana's." "Wow!" "Fox, come on. Introduce me around." "Fox?" Reggie asked with an amused smile. "It slips out from time to time." Mulder said with a smile as he clasped Dana's hand in his, linking his fingers with hers. Later Where is Mulder? Dana said to herself, as she listened to one of Mulder's workmates relate some profiling story. I've developed quite a following, too much of a following. They keep eyeing me like a Grade A steak, Dana thought as she locked eyes with Mulder. A tall brunette had him cornered. She leaned into him more than Dana liked. She smiled when Mulder took a step back and continued talking. He turned and smiled at her, excusing himself quickly coming over to Dana. "Hey baby." He said, kissing her gently on her forehead, staring down a fellow agent, who was in his seat. The agent moved quickly, the rest of the agents crowded around Dana moving as well. "Hey Mulder." One said nervously. "You guys met my girlfriend Dana?" "Uh yeah, yeah just telling her some profiling stories, gotta go." The other agents agreed, leaving quickly. "Thank you, I was getting claustrophobic." Mulder smiled, inching closer to her lips when, "Agent Mulder can I speak with you for a second?" Mulder growled slightly turning and facing Patterson. "Sure what's up?" "I want to speak with you alone." "Oh sure, sure, I'll be right back honey." Mulder followed Patterson out to the hallway. "Mulder . . . is there something bothering you? Anything I can help you with? I mean . . ." "Yeah, what do you mean?" "Your drug screen, it was positive for amphetamines. I know your not taking any medications that would effect the test. It is a false positive, isn't it?" Mulder sighed. "No sir." "Mulder, why? Something with Dana?" "No, it's not that. Just . . . I don't know I've had to stay up longer, you know working 56 hours straight, then being expected to profile perfectly. I needed something to stay alert, and awake. I think better, I have more energy . . ." "Your behavior and attitude are unpredictable, more so than usual. Mulder are you aware a positive drug screen's grounds for dismissal? You could lose your job!" "Yes sir." "Look Mulder, you're the best profiler we got. You need to sober up or . . . I'll have to release the results." "Yes sir." "I could recommend a great treatment program if you . . . " "No thank you sir, I'll find one, thank you." Patterson patted him on the shoulder and watched him go back to Dana, kissing her gently on the cheek. Shame, always the ones with such promise, he thought as he rejoined the ball. Two days later morning Mulder tied his tie and looked curiously at Dana, as she stared blankly at the sink. "Dana, you alright?" "NO, I'm no alright." She said her voice tight. "What's wrong baby?"" "This is what's wrong, BABY!" Dana said, flashing a vial of his speed at him. OH boy he thought as he said. "Dana I . . ." "Don't lie to me Mulder. What is this?" "I . . . " "This is Speed Mulder, what are you doing with it? Why are there only a few left?" "Dana . . ." "Do you use it? Is it just evidence?" "it's mine Dana. I use it." Dana nodded, steadying herself against the sink. "Mulder! This is illegal!" "It's the only thing keeping me alert and able to do my job." "What?!" "I started using it to stay awake." "What and now you can't stop? Mulder you get a good 8 hours or more of sleep a night, you don't need these to stay awake." "I like the way it makes me feel." "You like the high? You like to get high, is that what your telling me? Mulder . . ." "What's wrong I'm not hurting anybody?" "Yet. Your going to lose control Mulder, and when you do, I don't want to be the one who gets the brunt of it." "Dana I would never hurt you." Mulder said, moving closer to her, only to have her step away quickly. "No! don't give me that Crap! I know, I know from experience that no matter how much you love me, you will eventually hurt me if you don't stop. Mulder your going to have to make a choice and your going to have to make a choice today. Either you stop this or I'm gone. I will not go through this again. I will not be hurt again." Dana said handing him the vial and storming out of the bathroom. "What did he do to you Dana?" Mulder asked softly, making her turn and face him. "He came over high, and beat me almost to death cause I wouldn't give him money to buy more drugs. Mulder . . ." she said reaching for him, he came to her wrapping his arms around her. "I love and respect you so much. I hate to have to do this, but I can't live through it again. If you need help quitting, I'm here for you. Just think about it ok?" "Alright I love you too Dana. I'd never want to hurt you. I hope finding out about this hasn't made you lose respect for me." Dana pushed away from him and looked into his warm hazel eyes. She nodded no and hugged him tighter. Mulder collapsed into his chair, a wave of exhaustion rushing over him as he looked over the files on his desk. No way I can work like this, Mulder thought as he felt for the vial in his pocket. He held it in his hand then thought about what Dana had said that morning. "Either you stop this or I'm gone." "I love and respect you so much." He sighed heavily and picked up the phone, dialing Patterson's office. "Sir, can I speak with you a moment?" Mulder and Dana's Apartment 3 weeks vacation, no more pills, cold turkey I can do this, Mulder thought as he switched into a pair of his jeans and his old reliable Grey T-shirt. He turned on the TV and crashed on the couch. Dana came in and smiled when she saw Mulder on the couch asleep. She went over to him, his hair was damp around the edges, his face covered in a thin sheen of sweat. "Mulder?" He shifted slightly, not opening his eyes. She went and got a washcloth and wiped his face. "Mulder?" He cracked open his eyes and looked at her, smiling slightly. "See what you do to me?" Dana chuckled slightly "You thirsty?" "Very, but I'm too tired to move." "I'll get you something." Dana came back to the couch with a glass of iced tea to find Mulder missing. She heard rattling coming from the bedroom and went to check on Mulder. Mulder rummaged though the cabinets in the bathroom. There has to be something in here, cough syrup yes! He unscrewed the cap and started to gulp it down. "Too tired to move?" Mulder pulled the bottle from his lips and looked away from her condemning gaze. "Funny, I didn't hear you coughing." Mulder smiled slightly, chuckling a little. "Three to four days of this Dana, I don't know if I can do it." "Yes you can Mulder, I know you can." "Who do you think I am?! I'm not superman Dana! I can't do this, I can't!" Mulder said sharply. "Yes you can, you are Fox William Mulder, and you are the strongest, bravest person I know. You can do this, if you need help I'm here and I always will be here for you." "Would you have been here if I didn't quit? Is your love conditional Dana?" Mulder asked viciously, "Mines not! I'd do anything for you! You know the reason I'm like this now is because of you? Cause I can't live without you in my life?! Cause I'm so helplessly in love with you that the thought of living with out you terrifies me?! Would you have packed me up and put me out?" "No" she said softly, "I wouldn't, I don't think I'd be able to do that." "Why cause you RESPECT me too much?" "No cause I love you, cause I can't imagine life without you. I can't imagine coming though that door and not ever seeing you again." Mulder sat stunned a moment as Dana came over to him and sat on the floor next to him. She took the cough syrup from him, replacing the cap. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "I'm sorry. I yelled at you. I'm s . . .sorry, forgive me." "You have nothing to be sorry for. Your tired, you don't feel well. You hungry?" "No, just thirsty." "Ok come on. I bought enough Lipton extra sweet iced tea to drown an army." Mulder chuckled and followed her to the kitchen. 1 a.m. Mulder got up and wrapped a thick blanket around him, shivering, sweat pouring off him. I need something, he thought as more tremors shook his body. God I promise I will never do anything this stupid again if you make this feeling go away. He opened the fridge, VODKA! That should do it, he thought popping the top, gulping it down. Nothing come on, come on. He gulped down more, then threw the bottle against the wall, screaming in frustration. Next morning Dana came out of the bedroom into the kitchen and found him, head down at the kitchen table, shards of broken glass covering the floor. She picked up the glass and went to him, petting his hair gently making him jerk awake. "Hey." "Hey, how you feel?" "Awful." "You look it." Mulder laughed. "You need anything?" "No, well I could . . . come here." He said pulling her into his lap. He kissed her soundly on the lips then right behind the ear. "I could use something to drink and another kiss." 8 days later "I got it Dana, hey Reg." "Hey Mulder, looks like your vacation is agreeing with you." "Yeah it is, what's up?" "Simons case . . ." "I'm on vacation Reg." "I know, but we found another one Mulder. She was only 4 years old." Mulder sighed heavily and took the file from Reggie's hands. "What's wrong, the profile looks sound." "I don't know, it's just not right." "What about the new scene?" "That's kind of why I came by, I was headed over there now. Come on." Mulder turned and looked back as Dana emerged from the bedroom. "Ready Mulder?" Mulder looked at the file in his hand, then Dana, then Reggie, then the file. "Dana I . . ." "What's wrong? Oh hey Reggie." "They need my help with a case. I'm sorry Dana, I . . ." "No problem, you go ahead. I can get Nick to go with me." "You sure Dana, I don't . . ." He was answered by a full kiss on the mouth. "Go." She said as she handed him his keys. "Here, don't forget these." She said throwing him a bag of sunflower seeds. "Wouldn't dream of it, my drug of choice." He said, putting a seed in his mouth and heading out to the car.