Subject: NEW: 'Lover' (11/11) by Catwoman
Reply To: TheCatwoman@toosexyforyou.com
Classification: S, A, MSR, RST
Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Emily
Rating: PG-13 and NC-17 versions available.  Part Eleven PG-13.
Note: Sequel to 'Mother'.

Part Eleven: Pushing The Needle Too Far   ***PG-13***

It was just past nine when Scully tiredly let herself and
Mulder into her mother's house.  The constant tension her
partner was emitting like radio waves had sapped the
energy that had remained after their...break up, she
supposed it was...and now she wanted nothing more than to
sleep.  She wasn't sure how she intended to do so in the
same bed with the man who was now being excruciatingly
careful not to touch her, even casually, but she was sure
she'd manage somehow; she was that tired.  Besides,
chances were he'd camp out on her mother's couch
eventually, anyway, so there wasn't much difference.

"You need anything before bed?" Mulder asked quietly
before he closed the door behind them.  She didn't look up
at him, feeling safe in the dark confines of the room they'd
been sharing.  She started to peel off her clothes.

"No, thanks, Mulder," she said emotionlessly.  "I just want
to go to sleep."

"Okay," he whispered, and he closed the door gently, so as
not to wake her mother.  She was already in bed and
half-asleep before he'd undressed and joined her under the
covers, so he decided to leave her be.  He had some things
he wanted to say that he was afraid wouldn't survive the
night, but...she needed to sleep.  So did he, he realized with
a start as he felt his eyes and his mind drooping
simultaneously.

So he let himself sleep, hoping like hell that he'd still have
courage in the morning.

*****
I woke up this morning, gray dawn
With a prayer on my breath
I lost something precious
God'll save me from losing myself
I think I know what's wrong
I think I know what's wrong
*****

It was almost four o'clock in the morning when Maggie
heard the soft creak that indicated footsteps in the hallway
outside her bedroom door.  The comforting presence of
warm arms around her midsection combined with the
knowledge that someone---and not just any someone---was
in her house caused her to jump to a sitting position in
those arms, already fully awake.

"Oh my God," she whispered as a sort of curse at herself,
one hand absently reaching back to touch the bald head on
her pillow.  "Oh God," she whispered again as she gently
disengaged herself from the embrace he held her in and
scrambled across the room to the door.  The hallway was
empty, but a soft light came from the kitchen around the
corner, so, scrounging up her courage, Maggie softly closed
the door behind herself and tiptoed out into the kitchen,
where, predictably, Dana stood against the counter, her
knuckles white where she held herself up.  She whirled
around at the sound of footsteps behind her, her eyes
somewhat wild as they landed on her mother, who looked
back at her with something like anxiety in her own dark
eyes.  For a moment, the two women just stared at each
other, Maggie taking in the appearance of her daughter,
looking distraught, wearing one of Mulder's shirts and
nothing else, and Dana taking in her mother, looking
vaguely chastened, wearing a shirt she hoped to God had
belonged to her father at some point.  And looking at each
other like that, the two women realized for the first time
that they were almost exactly the same size.

"Mom," Scully said finally, her voice slightly shocked.  Her
hands moved to her hips as she stared, surprise crossing her
features.  "You look...you look like you've..."

She stopped, swallowing as a faint smile crossed Maggie's
face.  Maggie crossed her arms across her chest and faced
her daughter down, one eyebrow raised in the supposed
trademark Scully gesture.

"Mom," Scully began again, less surprise and more warning
in her tone this time.  "What have you been doing?"

Maggie let out a tiny breath before speaking in a firm but
casual tone.

"I really don't think I need to pose the question of 'what
does it look like I've been doing,' since you just about
answered it a moment ago.  Go ahead, dear.  What do I
look like I've been doing?" Maggie's expression became
more smug as she spoke.

"You look like you've been...doing...um, having..." Scully
faltered again, and Maggie raised both eyebrows.

"Having sex?" she suggested, rolling her eyes.  "Dana,
sweetheart, you shouldn't let the term bother you.  It
certainly doesn't bother me."

"With whom?" Scully breathed, her face an alarming shade
of white as she clutched at the countertop, looking like she
was about to go into full systemic shock.  "I'm glad to see
you have such confidence in my own methods," Maggie
said wryly, shaking her head.  "Mom," Scully said
carefully, forcing herself to calm down and consider the
implications of this encounter rationally.  "I
may...*may*...be able to handle a sex talk with you, but if
you even start on masturbation..."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"All right, all right," Maggie sighed.  "To tell you the truth,
I never was that good anyway."

Scully cringed visibly, and Maggie found herself wanting
to laugh, but she chafed it forcefully behind a hand.  "Who
is he?" Scully asked again, more firmly this time.  "Um..."
here Maggie was at a loss.  "I'm not sure you really want to
know, Dana."

"That bad?" Scully asked, eyes chagrined almost to the
point of pain as she stared at her mother.  "Who is it?"

Maggie considered, then said, "Best you see for yourself."

Taking Scully's hand before she could protest, Maggie
pulled her daughter through the hallway to her bedroom
door and opened it, gradually so as not to awaken the man
inside with the light.

The sight of her daughter with her mouth hanging open like
a small child catching her parents in the act for the first
time was gratifying to Maggie, but she could fully
sympathize with the shock, so she carefully closed the door
and aided Dana as the woman lost her balance and slipped
down the wall to land in an unceremonious kneeling
position on the floor.  "You slept with my boss," Scully said
in wonderment, her voice barely above a whisper.  "You..."

"Yes, I did," Maggie said simply and proudly, kneeling
beside her daughter, one hand on Dana's shaking knee.

"But you *slept* with my boss," Scully repeated, shaking
her head, her eyes impossibly wide.  "I didn't even know if
you would ever see anyone again after dad, but...Skinner?"

"He's a wonderful man, Dana," Maggie explained patiently.
"I could love him very easily."

Scully groaned and closed her eyes, sinking back against
the wall, curling her legs under herself.

"But mom..." she protested.  Maggie waited.

"You *slept* with my boss!" Scully exclaimed again,
shaking her head, this time in chagrin.  "I can't believe..."

"Come on, we've got to be quiet or we'll wake them up,"
Maggie said, tugging on her daughter's elbow until Scully
finally conceded and rose to her feet, following her mother
into the living room.

"Mom, how long have you...?" Scully asked in a whisper as
she sat down on the couch next to her mother, who smiled.

"Since about seven-thirty this evening," she answered
evenly. Scully groaned again, then opened her eyes
hurriedly.

"Mom, did you, were you..." she rushed, and Maggie closed
a hand over her arm, effectively hushing her.

"We used protection," Maggie said softly.  "This encounter
may have been unplanned, but neither of us is stupid."

Scully looked somewhat relieved...but not much.

"Is he the first man..." she began again.

"Since your father?" Maggie said, eyebrows raised.  "Yes.
I'm not stupid in that respect either, Dana.  I believe it's
important to be careful who you choose to have a
relationship with."

"Is that what this is?" Scully asked, looking skeptical as
always.  "A relationship?"

"Did you think I would 'sleep' with him, as you so callously
put it, just for the pleasure of sex?" Maggie said, in a
somewhat harsher tone.  "Dana, be reasonable."

"Reasonable?" Scully repeated, chuckling slightly.  "Mom,
you had sex with my boss!"

"Yes, I did," Maggie said, frowning gently.  "I made love to
him, and he made love to me.  Do you want to make
something out of it?"

Scully looked shocked, then more mildly surprised as she
considered.

"Okay, mom, I'm listening," she said quietly.

"Walter Skinner is a beautiful man," Maggie said calmly.
"And he is alone.  I am also alone.  We are attracted to each
other, in many ways.  Perhaps...Dana, perhaps we haven't
done the right thing, moving into this stage of the
relationship so quickly.  Or maybe we just took the chance
before we both chickened out.  Either way, I'm not sorry we
did it."

Scully looked mollified, then understanding.

"Do you think...you said you could love him easily," she
said carefully.

"And he's not the type of man to manipulate that love in
any way," Maggie said with a smile.  "And he could easily
love me back.  What else can you ask for?"

Scully looked stung by the comment, her face abruptly
filled with pain as her hands tightened into small fists.
Maggie was surprised by the sudden tears in her daughter's
eyes.

"Dana?" she asked, her hand gently stroking Scully's arm.
"What's wrong?"

Scully turned to look at her, and the pain in her eyes was
such that Maggie felt it hit herself like a knife in the pit of
her stomach, and she realized exactly what it meant.

"Something's happened with Fox," Maggie said softly.
"What happened?"

"I told him..." Scully whispered, shaking her head.  "I told
him I didn't want this right now."

Maggie looked surprised, but quickly hid that reaction.

"And was that true?" she asked carefully.

"Yes," Scully whispered shakily, closing her eyes.  "That's
the terrible thing.  It is true.  I don't...I can't handle this right
now, mom.  I don't know why, but for some reason
this...relationship...this new closeness...it's really, really
hard for me.  I just feel uneasy whenever I'm around him
now, and I don't like that feeling.  But now I've just made it
worse by alienating him, and I didn't even mean to..."

She was crying softly, and Maggie gently brushed the tears
away from her cheeks, hesitating to embrace her unless
Dana was ready.  Dana had never been big on physical
contact, for some reason; she had never really liked to be
touched without permission.

"Mom, I don't know what to do," Scully confessed in a
broken whisper, her eyes seeking out the wise warmth of
her mother's eyes beseechingly.  "I don't know what to
feel."

"Feel what you feel, Dana," Maggie said, her eyes warm
with compassion and regret for the pain.  "You can't make
yourself feel anything other than that."

"But I don't want to feel like this," Scully shook her head,
her eyes desperate.  "I don't want to feel this confused."

Maggie let out a deep breath, her fingers smoothing softly
through her daughter's hair.

"I know," she said quietly, her voice reassuring in its
wisdom.  "But confusion is a big part of this process,
Dana...it's a natural human reaction not to want to need
another person.  Especially for you...you've always wanted
to be strong and independent, and to be invulnerable.
That's always made it hard for you to express your
emotions.  If you love Fox...I can understand how it would
be hard for you to let yourself love him."

"Did you have this problem, when you first thought you
loved dad?" Scully asked, raising her tear-streaked face to
entreat her mother again.

"No," Maggie said softly, shaking her head.  "No more than
I'm having it now.  I've never been afraid of love.  I've
always been confident in the love of myself, and the love of
my God.  I've never seen any reason to deny myself
emotions that I know are freely, inherently human...natural
and beautiful to us and to God."

Scully let out a tight sigh of a breath, something wistful in
its sound.

"I wish I could see it that way," she said sadly.  "So why
don't you?" Maggie asked with an encouraging smile.

"I just...don't," Scully said, shaking her head again.  "I just
can't bring myself to let go of years of training myself to
hold back emotions, mom...I've been working to hold them
back since I was a little girl."

"I wish I knew why that was," Maggie shook her head.
"Did Bill and I ever mistreat you, as a child?  If we ever
have..."

Scully shook her head hurriedly.

"No, no, nothing like that," Scully said, then grew silent as
she considered.  "But we were always moving, mom, and I
never really had any real friends.  And dad was so...not
strict, really, but...he had high expectations, and I always
felt like I had to be the best I could be for him, like I had to
be like him and not let anything touch me.  And I know he
had feelings too, mom, but I couldn't have seen that then."

"He held back the same way you do," Maggie said, shaking
her head, realization coming in the form of hot tears in her
own eyes.  "I'm sorry, Dana.  It wasn't his fault, or mine, or
yours, but I'm sorry.  If either of us had realized then how
you felt, maybe we could have persuaded you not to..."

"Build this wall around myself?" Scully suggested,
laughing softly.  "I wish, mom.  I don't think you could
have made a difference.  It's just who I am."

"Do you intend to even try to make this thing with Fox
work out?" Maggie asked, sounding pained.  "I would
really hate to see what you two obviously have together
fail."

"I would like to work it out at some point," Scully said,
staring at the floor.  "But I can't face it now, and I've
isolated Mulder...I don't know if I'll get a second chance."

"Oh, Dana, there's always a second chance," Maggie said,
pushing tears off of her own cheeks as she said it with
conviction.  "Always believe that.  Especially with Fox.
You didn't give up on him, a few weeks ago...you've never
given up on him.  He's never given up on you, and he won't
give up on you now."

"I hope you're right, mom," Scully said shakily as her
mother pulled her into a tight hug.

*****
We've all been removed in one way or another
We don't know our families, don't need our brothers
Pushing the needle too far
Pushing the needle too far
*****

Mulder's stance was carefully casual as he flopped onto the
kitchen stool next to Scully, who didn't look up from her
breakfast, cautiously avoiding the weight of his gaze.
Maggie glanced at them periodically from her place at the
stove, and her voice was gently strained as she asked
Mulder what he wanted for breakfast.  He was halfway
through answering her when Skinner walked into the room,
looking surprisingly refreshed and somewhat sheepish,
causing Mulder to stop and stare, mouth open.  Scully
merely took Skinner's arrival into stride, to Mulder's
surprise, again not looking up from her food but instead
raising her eyebrows as she said in a stiff tone, "Good
morning, sir.  Did you sleep well?"

Skinner was at a loss for a moment before he cleared his
throat and replied, "Fine, thank you, Agent Scully."

"Please, sir, call me Scully, or Dana, as you wish," Scully
said, still keeping her eyes glued to the morning paper in
which her pencil was immersed in the crossword.  "I see no
reason for formality in such a situation as we find ourselves
in now."

Mulder still gaped at his boss as Skinner uncomfortably
took a seat across from the two agents, still looking
sheepish and a little intimidated by Scully's comment.
Maggie turned halfway from the stove, shooting her
daughter a scalding look that was ignored, then turned the
opposite direction to smile brightly at Skinner.

"Good morning, Walter," she said warmly.  "I'm sorry you
didn't find me in bed this morning, but Dana was hungry."

Mulder's mouth worked in amazement for a moment before
he finally spoke.

"Bed?" he repeated in a whisper.  Then he cleared his
throat harshly and spoke louder, in something of the
annoyed voice Scully had used.  "What situation do we find
ourselves in now, exactly?  Would someone care to
enlighten me?"

The room was silent, so Scully leaned towards him and
stage-whispered, "Mom's sleeping with Skinner."

Mulder nearly fell out of his chair, while Maggie sent a
look in their direction again, though this time more directed
at him than at her daughter.  "I don't think I could have
phrased it better myself," she said sarcastically, her eyes on
him, fairly daring him to comment.  He righted himself in
his chair, stared at Skinner out of the corner of his eye,
gave Maggie a warm smile, and glanced at Scully before
settling back to consider.

"Welcome to the family, sir," he said finally, stiffly, in
Skinner's direction.  Skinner gaped for a moment, forced
his mouth shut, and stared at the table.

*****
If you wake up in the morning, gray dawn
With a prayer on your breath
Maybe you lost something precious
God'll save you from losing yourself
I think I know what's wrong
*****

"Scully?" Mulder said softly from the doorway as he
watched her stiffly pack her clothes into her carry-on bag,
preparing to go back home, to face the demons of her own
apartment.  She didn't acknowledge him.

"Scully," he said quietly, this time more of an
admonishment in his tone as he stepped further into the
room, closing the door behind himself.  He stood to the
side as she continued to move around, finding all her
things.  "I need to talk to you."

"About what, Mulder?" she asked in a somewhat annoyed
voice, and he recognized the classic Scully defensive
posture.  She didn't want to talk to him; she was afraid of
what he'd say, and what she'd say, and whether or not she
had the control to make it through either way.  "About...us,"
he said finally, after a short pause for thought.  Her motions
faltered for a split second, then continued as fluidly as
they'd ever been.  "What about 'us?'" she asked pointedly,
keeping her eyes away from him as she finished her
packing and zipped up the bag, then made a last round of
the room to make sure she'd gotten everything.

"I want to make sure that you don't think that this...
'break'...we've decided to take is the end," he said carefully,
stumbling over his words.  "I don't...I hope that's not what
you want, Scully.  I...want to make sure what you said was
true...that you want to fight for this, eventually.  Just not
now, right, Scully?"

"Right, Mulder," she said, but there was a different note to
her voice this time...something like relief.  He wondered if
she'd thought he wouldn't give her a second chance.

Gradually, after giving herself a moment to fully compose
herself, she lifted her head to him, meeting his eyes from
behind a curtain of bright red hair.  "I love you, Mulder,"
she said with confidence.  "That hasn't changed in the
slightest.  I just need some time."

She glanced down, smiling at herself self-deprecatingly.

"I think," she said wryly.  "I hope with time I can work
these problems out with myself.  I don't want to give up on
us either."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Scully.  I appreciate that," he said with a soft
smile.  "I have faith that eventually you will work your
problems out and we will succeed...I believe that.  You've
said before that the strength of my beliefs has aided
you...maybe it can help you now."

She smiled up at him, more of a melancholy note in her
eyes this time.

"Maybe," she said softly.  "Thank you, Mulder."

He smiled back, and they watched each other for a silent
moment before he broke the spell by reaching under the
bed for his own suitcase.


They didn't speak of their relationship again.

*****
Now, I met the queen and I understand
Why she closed the door
I'm not making excuses
But I've been there a few times
I was knocking on her door
*****

"Tell us what you know."

The voices rang in her head in an endless cacophony of
echoes and reverberations, different timbers and melodies
all asking the same question.  They had been ringing for
days, maybe weeks, but she couldn't bring herself to wake
up enough to scream at them to shut up.  She wondered
why she felt so heavy, so weighed down; if she was
drugged, or if she'd been hurt that badly.  She wondered
why she had a sinking suspicion that the voices in her head
had to do with Them...that would make no sense, since it
was Them who'd tried to kill her in the first place.

And where was she, anyway?  What were They doing with
her, if it really was Them who held her now?

"Tell us what you know."

What did she know?  She didn't know what she knew.
What did They want her to say she knew?  She didn't know
anything.

Several times she cried, feeling sorry for herself; They
would drive her insane with the voices, and she would
never again find herself.  So many tears.  The voices didn't
like it when she cried, and They punished her.  It felt like
torture, but it was boring.  She had no idea what to do.

She wondered if she'd have rather died, like she was
supposed to do.

All was black.

"Tell us what you know, Diana."

*****
The queen who closed the door
The family that liesPeople who turn
The cat that has died
A boy that OD's
A girl with a gun
The world on its knees
And a band on the run
You help me more by not giving in
*****

END PART ELEVEN

THE END-for now.  Stay tuned for Book Three in this
series, coming soon!  Don't worry...I intend to answer
*some* of the questions you may have.  Writing feedback
to me won't hurt the process, however...<g>  Get the
picture?

'I owe you everything, Scully...and you owe me nothing.'

***
Feedback would be greatly appreciated
***
Flames will be cheerfully accepted and used to decorate the
Catacomb walls
***
Thank you for reading, and I'll thank you even more if you
survive till the third part of this series <g>
***

"I didn't say life was cold.  I said love was." - Selina, The
Crossover