Well, here is a post "Small Potatoes" story.  I loved that 
episode.  It really cracked me up.  The X-Files belong to 
the same people that they have belonged too since I started 
writing this trash and I'm tired of saying it, so if anyone 
wants a disclaimer they can look at the rest of the fanfic out 
there.  Anyone who wants to contact me can do so as 
Macspooky@aol.com.  I love e-mail.  And, if you decide 
you like this and want to read more, you can visit my very 
amateurish, still under construction, webpage at the 
following addy:  

http://members.aol.com/Macspooky/index.html, or better 
yet, hit up Gossamer where there is tons of great fanfic to 
be found.


Brief Summary:  After they visit Eddy Van Blundht in jail, 
Scully begins to think about her relationship with Mulder 
and attempts to act on it.  I guess I would call it a romance. 
I'm going to rate it a very strong R for sexual situations.


"Karma"

     by

Macspooky

"I know you probably don't need to be told this, Mulder, but 
you aren't a loser."  Dana didn't look at him as she said it.  
Lately she had had kind of a hard time looking at him.

"Yeah, but I'm no Eddy Van Blundht either, am I?" her 
partner finally replied.

She didn't answer.  The question had been strictly 
rhetorical.

Dana had felt her heart break in two as she had stood 
outside the visiting room when Mulder had gone into see 
Eddy Van Blundht and Eddy had told him, "You know, 
Mulder.  I was a born loser, but you, you are a loser by 
choice."    Had her partner come to think so little of himself 
that he thought that Eddy was some how superior....in his 
way with women.....in his way with her?  She didn't know 
what else to say to her partner, and so she remained silent 
as they walked to the car and drove back to the office.

Things had not been comfortable between she and Mulder 
since he had burst into her apartment and found Eddy, 
looking like him, leaning over her, his knee planted 
between her legs as he was bending over to kiss her,  her 
face flushed, her lips parted and ready to receive his 
tongue.   And, ready she had been!  Oh, had she ever been.  
Even she hadn't realized how ready until he had been nearly 
on top of her.  After Eddy had been duly hauled off to jail, 
neither one of them had known how to handle it, so they 
had lapsed into a pattern of bickering followed by 
uncomfortable silences, a pattern that had become all to 
familiar in recent months.

Mulder had made a stupid crack about how cute it would 
be....a little Dana Scully with a tail, and she had replied 
nastily that yeah...maybe it would morph into a little Fox 
Mulder with a tail...and wouldn't that be even cuter.

Her partner had gone in for a final interview with Eddy 
before they packed him off to West Virginia.  He had gone 
in alone as she hadn't even wanted to be in the same room 
with him.  Mulder had never told her what happened in 
there, but rumor had it that he had been given an official 
reprimand for striking a prisoner and he hadn't come to 
work for three days....a brief suspension but a suspension 
none the less.  Mulder wouldn't discuss it and instead 
fought back by making a snide remark about her having a 
great history with guys named Eddy.  She hadn't spoken to 
him for two days after that, but then there had been cases to 
investigate and they had fallen back into their normal 
routine, and as usual had worked well together.

Now, hearing Eddy's words, her heart was broken for her 
partner.  It wasn't rational, but she couldn't help the way she 
felt.  She and Mulder had shared a lot, and he had always 
been there when she needed him even if he was obnoxious 
at other times.  He hadn't deserved that kind of abuse from 
a pervert like Van Blundht. The day passed slowly and she 
was glad to get home, but once she got there, she was 
restless and couldn't settle down.   She changed into a pair 
of jeans and a shirt and tried to work on reports.  She 
couldn't concentrate.  She tried to read a book but the 
words didn't register.  Her thoughts strayed to something 
else Eddy had said, "Live a little, Mulder.  Treat yourself."  
She realized sadly that he never would, not until he found 
his truth, or his sister, or someone forced the issue.  Mulder 
might treat himself to women, but he would never treat 
himself to her.   Finally, making a decision, she slipped on 
a light jacket and headed out the door.  She thought she 
might live to regret it, but it was doubtful that it would be 
for long.

Dana approached her partner's door with feelings of 
trepidation questioning her judgment.  Perhaps he would 
not be home.  Perhaps he would not let her in.  That would 
be almost a relief.  It was distinctly possible that he would 
not want to see her.  That would absolve her of whatever 
might come.  Maybe he would have company already.  She 
didn't know why visions of a blond popped into her head.  
The blond looked remarkably like Detective White.  After a 
brief hesitation, she knocked and a moment later the door 
was open.  She swallowed.  She was not going to turn back 
now.

"Hi Scully.  What's wrong?" he asked.  His face was 
suddenly filled with concern.  He stood before her also 
dressed in jeans.  His chest was covered only by a white 
v-necked T-shirt that could have used a good session with a 
bottle of Clorox and he had his typical five o'clock shadow.  
Briefly she wondered if he had a clue as to how sexy he 
looked like that.  T-shirt....bare feet....tight jeans.  She 
forced the thought away telling herself that all she would 
do tonight was talk to him, perhaps get their friendship 
back on track, that she didn't want anything else.  No...that 
wasn't exactly true.  She was vacillating.  She had promised 
herself she wouldn't do that.

"Nothing is wrong," she smiled.  "I just noticed that you 
didn't eat much today and thought I'd stop by."  She held up 
a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of white wine that she 
had picked up on the way over.  "I thought we might drink 
some wine...and eat Chinese and maybe talk....."

"About what?" he asked dumbly letting her in.  "I didn't 
bring home any files tonight."

"About whatever you want to talk about," she laughed.  "It 
doesn't have to be about work you know."

"Oh...okay," he said.  He had a feeling that he was 
forgetting something important, but she had taken him by 
surprise here and she looked so pretty in her jeans and 
T-shirt.  Besides, he was hungry and she had food.  He 
didn't and if for no other reason, that made her welcome.

She moved toward his kitchen and set down the food.  One 
look told her that they would probably be eating out of 
cartons.  The sight of dirty dishes soaking for God alone 
knew how long in the sink was revolting at best.  Opening 
his cabinet she went in search of glasses and found exactly 
two....Tweety & Sylvester and Marvin the Martian...from 
jelly jars.

"Make  yourself at home," he said dryly.  He was really 
surprised to see her.  Not displeased, just surprised.  He 
strayed back to the living room and she came back in with 
the cartons, some plastic forks and chop sticks, the wine 
and the glasses on a rather battered tray. Then she poured.

He took the glass she proffered and clinked it to hers.

"So, um, Scully, to what do I owe this surprise visit?" he 
asked a little reluctantly.

"Well, I looked in the TV Book and there is a classic SciFi 
movie on tonight....the one about the giant ants.  When I 
was a kid, my brothers used to love that movie.  I hadn't 
seen it in years and I thought it might be fun to have 
company to watch it."

"Oh," he said.  She handed him a carton.  He peaked in it.  
His favorite hot shredded beef with broccoli.  She knew 
him so well in so many ways.

"Hey, Mulder," she said suddenly pulling something out of 
her carton with her chopsticks.  "Look at the size of this 
mushroom.  You're a mushroom freak..."  She proffered it 
to him.

"Well, you know me....anything that grows in a dark musty 
basement environment....." he found himself laughing as he 
took it off the end of her chopsticks and ate it.

"Right....you thrive on that kind of thing.  The king of mold 
and mildew."  She gave him a smile that made his head 
spin.

Mulder found himself taking a long slug of the white wine.  
It was good and so was the food.  She seemed in a happy 
mood.  They finished eating, she taking pieces of broccoli 
from him in exchange for mushrooms, and then she picked 
up the remote and turned on the TV.  He seemed more 
cheerful now.  Maybe company was what he had needed, 
she thought.

"So, Mulder," she asked suddenly as they waited for the 
film to start.  "You've never told me.  Why don't you have a 
bed?"

He laughed.  "I just sleep on the couch when I sleep at all.  
Anyway, without a bed, I don't have to have women stay 
over...." The wine had loosened his tongue a bit.

"Couch does just as well for that too huh?" she inquired.

"Yeah....you know....love em and leave em....or love em 
and have them leave...one or the other.....If they are looking 
for commitment, they won't find it on my couch, that's for 
sure."

"You're such a romantic...." she reached over and ruffled 
his hair lightly.  Then she leaned back and started to watch 
the film.  The opening scene had always scared her when 
she was a little girl. Even though the film was old and in 
black and white, there was something terrifying about the 
little girl walking across the desert in a catatonic 
state....both parents dead....and all she could do when the 
police found her was scream..."Them." Watching as an 
adult, Dana suddenly knew how that little girl must feel.  
Terrified and completely alone.  She felt herself start to 
tremble a little.  "Them."  She had her own "Them" and 
"They" had done things to her that had put a cancer inside 
of her.  Unconsciously, she inched a little closer to her 
partner vowing not to drink anymore but reaching for her 
Tweety Bird glass just the same.  She told herself it was 
stupid to be spooked by a dumb 1950's horror movie.  She 
had faced down Tooms in her own bathroom.

Mulder took another sip of the wine and wondered why he 
had made that stupid comment about the bed.  From the 
corner of his eye he glanced at his partner.  There was 
something in her face.  He realized that something in the 
film scared her or that something in the film had reminded 
her of something that scared her.  Cancer maybe...cancer 
was scary....like an invasion of giant ants...

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah....fine.  The opening scene always creeped me out 
when I was a kid.  I guess it still does even though its just a 
film."  She took another slug of the wine.

Mulder just nodded.  He wasn't about to press her.  The fact 
that she had revealed at all that something "creeped her 
out" was unusual.  She would resent it if he pushed her.

"You know," she said as the commercial came on, "I have a 
bed...I mean you know I do because you slept it in....and 
you are the only man who ever has."  Now why, she 
wondered had she told him that.  Jeez.  Next he would be 
thinking that she was a virgin or something, which at this 
point she might as well be.  Yeah....maybe it had grown 
back and she really was an X-File.

"You're kidding...." he said.  The phone rang....he let the 
machine pick it up.  Chantal for Marty...oh God....Scully 
started to laugh.  "Mulder, she probably weighs 300 lbs and 
has five kids and acne."

"And a yeast infection, Scully....don't forget the yeast 
infection..." he laughed.  Then he turned serious once 
again.  "Eddy said I was a loser."

"Do you have any ice cream?" she inquired not wanting to 
touch that one just yet. 

"In your dreams," he replied trying to remember the last 
time he had gone shopping. 

She shrugged.  Ice cream was her way of dealing with 
stress.  Chocolate was the best...yeah....Hagen Daaz....a 
great substitute for sex.  She espoused her little theory to 
Mulder and instead of refuting it, he told her that she 
probably had a good point.  Some consolation he was.

They sat silently for awhile until the next commercial.  "So, 
Mulder, if I ever get fired from the Bureau which being 
your partner is well within the realms of possibility, do you 
think I could earn a living like Chantal?"  She was just a 
little tipsy, she told herself, and thought it might be nice if 
someone told her she was sexy even if it was Mulder, no 
especially if it was Mulder.  Hell, not even Eddy had told 
her she was sexy.

"Nah.....you don't have the voice for it," he said with a grin.

"I guess  you are right," she conceded sadly.  "I don't have 
the anything for it.  You know Mulder, I'm the only person 
I know who can pick up a hunk of a  guy in a  sleazy tattoo 
parlor, get all hot and bothered and end up with the only 
release in sight being tossed into a furnace still alive.  
Other than that, the closest thing to sex I've had since I 
started with the x-files was last month with the mighty 
morphing power mutant....."

He laughed.  He couldn't help himself.  He laughed because 
he was relieved that she had not slept with Ed Jerse.  It was 
stupid really but he had been outrageously angry with her 
and jealous.  I mean it wasn't any of his business, but he 
had come to think about her as sort of his....not in a sexual 
way....but just sort of his Scully...his Dana....his 
partner....and she sure did look pretty sitting there in that 
yellow T-shirt with her feet curled under her.  In fact, too 
darn pretty for someone who he had decided to think of in a 
non sexual way.....

"I think maybe, just maybe Scully, even Chantal at $3.99 a 
minute is more appealing than the power morpher."  He 
looked at her.  For an instant, he thought she looked hurt 
about something, but the look passed.

Scully forced herself to laugh.  There would be no 
compliment tonight.  "You know what I think, Mulder?"

"No, what do you think, Dr. Scully?" he asked looking at 
her.  She had the most beautiful eyes.  So blue...and right 
now so soft and warm.

"I think we have the partnership made in heaven.....a pair of 
total losers....Fox and Dana.....losers extraordinaire...."

"Yes, but such good looking and intelligent losers," he 
replied.  They lapsed into silence and turned there attention 
to the film.  Suddenly she started to laugh outloud again.

"What?"  All this laughter was not like her.   It had kind of 
an ironic sound to it too.

"I was just thinking of that kiddie rhyme....K.i.s.s.i.n.g 
Eddy and Dana sitting in a tree.   First comes love...Then 
comes marriage...then comes baby Van B in a baby 
carriage....with a tail....hanging over the side."   The 
laugher became on uncontrolled fit of giggling.

"Oh God...no more wine for you, Scully," he moaned taking 
the bottle away from her. None the less he too was 
laughing. "How about K.i.s.s.i.n.g Fox and Chantal sitting 
in a tree.  First comes love.  Then comes marriage, then a 
giant phone bill delivered in a baby carriage....."

"And you think I'm tipsy?" she demanded.   She took the 
bottle back and took another slug.  Neither of them were 
bothering with the niceties of jelly jar glasses at this point.  

The both watched the movie for awhile longer, a pair of 
losers who had had too much wine in too short a time and 
not enough sex in too long a time.  Fox felt himself 
growing restless and twitchy....and Dana found it hard to sit 
still....and then suddenly they simultaneously turned toward 
one another and leapt across the couch.  His arms were 
around her.  Hers were around his.  Their lips met.  
Tongues dueled.  A yellow cotton T-shirt suddenly had a 
hand under it surrounding a small firm breast.  A small  but 
strong hand reached for a zipper after feeling what was 
behind it and deciding that it could not be lived without....

And then there was a  frantic pounding on the door.  They 
tried to ignore it.

"Mulder.....Mulder....we know you are in there....Mulder, 
open up...." and the flimsy door lock gave way as the two 
prospective lovers leapt to their feet reaching for guns that 
weren't there.

"Frohicke," they both screamed simultaneously as Frohicke 
broke in followed by Langley and Byers.

"Jeez, Mulder, we were worried.  You were supposed to 
meet us by the...."

Mulder hit himself on the head.  "Oh. Jeez....I'm sorry guys.  
I........"

"Did we come at a bad time?" inquired Langley glancing 
down.

"No.....No...." said Scully.  "You didn't come at a bad time.  
You came at just the right time."  She had managed to get 
her shift pulled back down over her jeans which was better 
than Mulder had been able to do with his zipper.  She 
picked up her jacket and purse.

"Where are you going, Scully?" asked Fox mentally kicking 
himself.  He had made a date to go barhopping with the 
boys, but when Scully had arrived  he had completely 
forgotten about it.

"Who me?  I'm going home.....home to contemplate karma, 
Mulder," she growled,  "The karma of having been 
assigned to spy on losers,  the karma of having become a 
loser myself,  the karma of getting to spend what little time 
is left to me perpetually horny."  She glared at the three 
gunmen and made a shooting motion with her fingers at 
Frohicke as he started to open his mouth.  "I'll see you 
Monday morning....if I don't decide to take a weeks 
vacation.  Have fun boys."  With that she was out the door 
slamming it none too quietly behind her.   On the way 
home, she stopped and picked up a half a gallon of 
chocolate ice cream.  Hagen Daaz......the most 
expensive...the one that had more fat than any other brand 
in the store....the most satisfying.

The End