The J-Files, by JeChant@aol.com

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Okay, this is a new thing for me.  I watched people on EMXC try to
write how Mulder and Scully ended the infamous "Sure.  Fine.
Whatever." fight.  Then, of course, I thought about how I would do it,
and put my own little spin on things.  And I start ed to laugh, so I
wrote it.  This is my first attempt at writing a sequel kind of thing
to an actual episode, so bear with me.

See disclaimer in the A-Files thru the I-Files.

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The J-Files, by JeChant@aol.com
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        "Sure.  Fine.  Whatever."

        "Ooh, aren't we the king of original comebacks."

        "Gee, I'm sorry Išve been such a pain, Scully.  I was wrong.
Do you forgive me?"

        "Sure.  Hey, look, it's dark outside."

        "Um, yeah.  It's nighttime."

        "Have you ever played `Stop the Cars?'"

        "Nope."

        "Then I'll teach you."


        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        Dana parked on the side of the road, leaving the headlights
blaring.

        "Scully?"

        "Yeah?"

        "You left the lights on."

        "That's so people can see us."

        "Ah.  I should have realized that.  Why do they want to see
us?"

        "So they can stop."

        Mulder scratched his chin in thought, then shrugged.  "Okay,
I'm really lost.  Why do they want to stop?"

        Dana turned around to face him.  "That's the point.  They
don't want to stop, we make them stop.  I used to play this in college
at three in the morning.  I won every time."

        "How did you make them stop?"

        "Exactly.  You have to think of some way to make the driver
stop the car.  Only you can't do the same thing twice,  so after a
while it gets creative."

        "Can I use you in the plan?"

        "If I agree, yes."


        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        "Scully, it's after two-thirty."

        "Wimp."

        "I'm not a wimp.  No one's come by, and we've been out here
for twenty minutes."

        "I see a light."

        "So did I."

        "No, I see a car light.  Look."

        Sure enough, headlights appeared in the distance.  "Okay,
Mulder, I have to use you to stop the car."

        "What, are you going to push me in front of it?  And I thought
I have to consent."

        "No, I'm the one who has to consent.  You don't get a choice.
Lie down and act like you've been hit by a car."

        Mulder lay down on the road and convulsed while screaming
madly.

        Dana shook her head.  "No, I don't think that would work.
Looks like you and the blacktop are getting it on.  Just pretend
you're dead."

        Mulder lay limply on the ground, his tongue hanging out of his
mouth.  The car came closer as Dana knelt down next to Mulder,
pretending to sob.  There was a loud screech as the car came to a
halt.    A balding middle-aged man ran out of the car.  "Are you all
right?  What happened?  Should I phone for help?"

        Dana looked up at the man calmly.  "What are you talking
about?  We're fine."

        The man furrowed his brow and pointed to Mulder's prostrate
figure.  "He doesn't look fine."

        Mulder rolled over and smiled.  "I was just taking a nap.
Care to stay for dinner?"

        The man paled, then grew angry.  He marched back to his car,
muttering all the way.  His tires squealed as he sped off.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        For two more hours, Dana and Mulder played the game.  Mulder's
first strategy was to wave his ID at a car, then proceed to search the
entire contents of the vehicle.  He was about to do a body cavity
search on the buxom driver when Dana waved her on.  The other
strategies included feigning drunkenness, dancing, an putting on an
impromptu striptease.  It was almost five o'clock when Dana turned to
Mulder and smiled.

        "It's time for our last victim.  And then you'll be an
official Stopper Of Cars."

        "Do I get a pin?"

        "Nope.  The rule is that the last prank has to be the same as
the first one."

        "Look, I see a car."

        "Lie down and play dead."

        Mulder lay limply on the ground, his tongue hanging out of his
mouth.  The car came closer as Dana knelt down next to Mulder,
pretending to sob.  There was a loud screech as the car came to a
halt.  A balding middle-aged man ran out of the car.  Dana let her
cries grow louder.  Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.  She
looked up into the grim face of...Assistant Director Walter Skinner.

        Skinner's face was drained of color as he pointed to Mulder.
"Scully... What happened?"

        Dana looked calmly at him.  "I don't know what you mean.
We're fine."

        Skinner looked confused.  "But... look at him..."

        Mulder rolled over and grinned.  "Just taking a little nap.
Care to join us for breakfast?"

        Dana started to giggle as Skinner's jaw dropped.  She and
Mulder rolled around on the ground in hysterics.  Skinner walked back
to his car and drove off without a word.  Those weirdos deserve each
other.

End.