Title:  Cold hands, Warm heart
Author:  Kris Mckib
Date:  December 13, 1999 
Category:  Story, Mild Angst, M/S friendship
Rating:  PG, a few cuss words
Summary:  Just a little Christmas story.  
Archive:  Yes please.  Let me know where.
Disclaimer:  None of the characters are mine.  No money made.
Feedback:  Would be appreciated very much.
E-Mail:  BigMckib@aol.com
Authors Notes:  Not much angst here, just a depressed Mulder
on Christmas day.  Can anything cheer him up?  Of course!


Cold hands, Warm heart


Basement Office
Hoover Building


Fox Mulder closed the cover on the last report that needed to be
completed, and threw it into the "OUT BOX."  He pushed his chair
away from his desk and glanced down at his watch.  It was 11:00
Christmas Eve. 

He looked over at the empty chair where his partner Dana Scully 
usually sat.  She had left hours ago.  He had wished her "Merry 
Christmas" and she had left to spend the holidays with her family. 
Most of the Scully clan was on the east coast this year.  She had 
offered to stay longer to catch up on the paper work but he had 
insisted that she leave early.  He told her he didn't want her to get 
stuck in traffic.  Scully had made Mulder promise that he would also 
leave and not spend the rest of the day in the basement.  He told 
her he would.  He had meant it at the time.

Mulder had been relieved that Scully had not invited him over as
she had done in the past.  She had also not asked him what he 
would be doing on Christmas Day.  She had not done that since 
the second year of their partnership. Mulder figured that she had
learned quickly that it was not something that he wanted to discuss.
Maybe it was because Scully never liked the answer.

Mulder grabbed his coat from the back of the chair and  headed for 
the door.  He thought about what kind of food was awaiting him in 
his fridge.  He couldn't remember what kind of leftovers he had in 
there.  Not a good sign.

Driving home, Mulder thought about how he would spend the next
day.  There were a couple of good basketball games on.  The Lone
Gunmen had invited him over, as they did every year, but he had
declined.  He didn't think he could take looking at Frohike in his
elf suit this year.  They made the worst eggnog too.  He should 
send  them an e-mail though.

Mulder's mind wandered and before long he had driven past his
exit.  He wondered if somehow he had done it intentionally.  The
miles flew by and then the hours and when Mulder finally stopped
driving, he was in Connecticut.  

He got out of the car and approached the door to his mother's 
house.  He wasn't sure why he had come or what he was going to
say to her.  She had not visited him since he had gotten out of the
hospital.  He had been unable to pick up the phone and tell her
he was OK.  He knew she had other sources of information.  The 
thought made him shiver and he pulled his coat around himself.

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon and Mulder
looked up and down the street.  It had been snowing hard for
most of the trip up.  The street and houses looked beautiful and
serene in the blanket of new snow.  In the distance he heard the
sound of a snow blower come to life.

He walked up to the front door and knocked.  He saw no lights 
on and he felt a little guilty for waking her.  His mother was an
early riser however, so he knew she would have been up soon
anyway.  He heard no sound from inside the house so he used
the doorbell.  After waiting a few more minutes, Mulder fished
his keys out of his pocket and looked for the key to the house.

"She's not there son."

Mulder turned at the sound of the voice.  He looked over at the
house next door.  An older gentleman was dragging a snowblower
out of his garage. 

"She's not there.  She went on a trip with Mrs. Hamlin and 
Mrs. Roth.  I don't think they'll be back for a few days."  The old
man leaned on the machine and looked the stranger up and
down.  He wondered who the well dressed man was and why
he was knocking on his neighbors door at such an early hour.


Mulder stepped away from the front door and walked over to
the man.  He was bending over the machine adjusting some
doohickey.  Mulder glanced at the snowblower and shook his
head.  He was happy that he lived in an apartment building so
he didn't have to fool around with small machinery.  They were
a mystery to him.

"My name's Fox Mulder.  I hope I didn't cause you any alarm."
He held out his hand and the old man shook it.

"No, no, I figured you to be some relative of hers.  I'm just
surprised she didn't inform you of her plans.  I hope you
didn't travel far."

"Mrs. Mulder is my mother, and I kind of showed up unexpected.
I drove up from D.C.  I guess I should have called first."

"Her son you say? Really?  I didn't know she had any kids.  She
keeps to herself mostly.  Doesn't  talk much.  You should go in
and leave her a note.  I'm sure she'll be sorry she missed you."

"No.....no, I don't think I'll do that.  I'll just call her in a few days.
Please don't mention to her that you saw me.  I'd appreciate
it." 

Mulder  walked back to his car.  He turned the heat on full
blast and waited a few moments.  Normally, the cold didn't 
bother Mulder.  He'd grown up in the Northeast and was used
to it.  Today, he felt the cold invade his bones and he couldn't
remember the last time he'd felt warm and comfortable.  
Mulder began the long trip back to D.C. and kept the heater
going the whole way.

********************

Scully put the phone down and walked into the kitchen.  She
drank more of her coffee, then poured the remainder down
the sink.  She paced back and forth and listened to the squeals
of children playing in the living room.  She'd escaped that 
disaster zone, and presently, the kitchen was the only quiet
place in the house.

Scully walked to the hall closet and got her coat.  Bill saw her
and opened his mouth to say something but didn't.  His eyes
though said, "You've got to be kidding me."

Scully approached her mother to tell her she would be going
out for a little while.  She tried to think of something that she
needed to go get.   She didn't want her mother to think she was
uncomfortable.

When Margaret Scully saw her daughter standing in front of her
with her coat on, she smiled.  Mrs. Scully said nothing to her
daughter, she simply nodded her head at her.  She glanced
around the room then said, "Would anyone like some eggnog?"

Scully sighed in relief and slipped out the door.

***************************


By the time Mulder got back to his apartment he was exhausted.
He'd stopped briefly and had a quick nap but after driving for most
of the night, he felt jet lagged.  

He opened the door to his apartment and walked in.  He saw that
he had a couple of messages on his machine.  He hit play and 
waited for the messages to start.

"Hello Fox.  I'm just calling to tell you that I'll be out of town for a few
days.  I'm going on a trip with some friends.  I.... I hope you're well.
Have a Merry Christmas."  Click.

Mulder put his hand over his face.  Fuck.  What the hell had he been
thinking?  She must have suspected that he would try to see her
while he had the time.  She was avoiding him.

Click.  "Mulder, where are you?  It's midnight!  (audible sigh)  OK,
well,  Merry Christmas Mulder.....call me please."  Click.

Mulder listened for the other two messages, but whoever had called
had hung up after getting his answering machine.  He was pretty 
sure he knew who the other two messages had been from.

Mulder walked into the kitchen and looked for something to eat in 
his refrigerator.  He saw nothing edible.  He grabbed a carton of
OJ and drank from the spout.  He walked into his bedroom and
started to strip off his wrinkled suit.  Normally, he took the time 
to hang it back up, but this time the suit only made it to the bed.
He pulled out a pair of blue jeans from his bottom drawer and
rummaged around for his favorite T-shirt.  It was dirty of course.
He grabbed a white one instead, then looked for his v-neck 
sweater.

He returned to the living room and flicked on the television.
The only thing that would salvage the day would be if The
New York Knicks kicked some ass.  The game would be 
starting soon.  He flipped through the channels while he
waited.

Mulder's thoughts wandered as he watched the television.  His
mind didn't even register what he was seeing before his
finger pressed down on the button to the remote, and another
channel came up.  

Finally, one single thought stuck in his brain and he forced 
himself to deal with it.  Why had he gone to see his mother?
He knew she would not be ready to see him.  He knew from
experience that forcing the issue would get him nowhere.
He hadn't wanted a confrontation, not really.  He wasn't even
angry for the lies she'd told him, or for the things she hadn't
told him.  Mulder didn't have the energy for anger.  He felt only
resignation.  And numb.  More than anything else, he felt numb. 
And a little depressed.  Couldn't forget that one.  That always
came back to bite him in the ass.

Mulder allowed himself to bring other thoughts and feelings to
the foreground.  He decided that what he'd really wanted to do
was just spend a little time with his mother.  He missed her.
When she'd visited him at the hospital, he'd calmed at the feel
of her hand on his.  He'd been unable to communicate with her,
but it had felt so good just knowing that she was there.  

He felt the overwhelming need to reconnect with her.  He knew 
he couldn't forget about everything that had happened, but he
wanted to get past it and move on.  He couldn't help but feel
that he wouldn't get many more chances.  Mulder felt the 
pressure of time and that it was growing short.  For them both.

As soon as he found something that looked interesting, he
was startled by a knock at the door.  He waited a minute,
thinking that maybe the knock had been on the apartment
door next to his.  People were always coming and going from
the new guys place. The man was probably a drug dealer.

The soft knock came again and Mulder groaned.  It was his door.
He got up to answer it but didn't bother to look through the 
keyhole.  He knew the knock.

Mulder opened the door for his partner and watched as she 
walked past him and into the apartment.  He thought he was
going to be able to convince her that he was alright and send
her on her way quickly, but it wasn't going to happen.

Mulder noticed her glancing at his phone to see if he had gotten
his messages.  She looked up at him and he could only shrug.
She didn't look angry or worried.  This puzzled him.  He really
couldn't identify what the expression was on Scully's face.  He
hadn't seen it enough to identify it.  He waited for her to
speak.

"Where were you Mulder?  Please tell me you weren't working?"

"No Scully.  I wasn't working.  I went up to see my mother, but
she's gone on a trip.  I thought about calling on dear old dad,
but he's probably helping to overthrow some third world country.
I'm sure he has a long "TO DO" list before Armageddon.  I 
wouldn't want to interrupt him."  Mulder felt the goose pimples
break out on his skin, and he shivered slightly.

Scully walked further into the room and stood by the fish tank.  It
was empty again.  She knew her partner really didn't want her
company and he was trying his best to piss her off so she'd 
leave.  That method had worked in the past, but not today.

Mulder expected to see a flash of anger to cross over Scully's
face, but he didn't see it.  Instead her face looked soft and
expressionless.  And even though she was not smiling, her eyes
were.

"Mulder, I know how hard things have been for you lately.  I know
that you're still trying to come to terms with........".  Christ, she 
couldn't even say it.  How was Mulder handling it then? 

"I just wanted you to know that you don't have to be alone.  I'm here,
if you want to talk.  It doesn't matter what day it is."

Scully stared at Mulder as he shifted from one foot to the other.
She saw his body shake once and he immediately crossed his
arms in front of himself.  This struck her as a little odd.  It
felt like a sauna in his apartment.

"Shit Scully.  Of course it matters.  What are you doing here?
You should be with your family.  These moments with them, are
precious and few Scully.  Don't waste a minute of it." 

Mulder walked over to where she was standing next to the tank.
He hugged his arms to his chest and shivered again.  He had to
make her understand somehow.  He leaned down into her space
and lightly touched his forehead to hers.  He whispered softly.

"Scully, I know you care.  I know you don't like to see me in one
of my moods, but  I'm a big boy.  I'll be alright.  The best present
you can give me is to go home to your family.  How'd you ditch
them by the way?  Bill probably has a search party out."

Scully moved away from him and walked to the window.  What
he wants is for her to go home?  What about what she wants?
Why did he always think it was about him?  She chuckled softly
and looked at the snow that was beginning to fall.

"Mulder.  I want to go for a walk in the snow.  Take a walk with me."

Scully waited for him to answer, but only silence greeted her in
return.  She refused to ask again and she didn't dare look back
in his direction.  She'd asked the question on impulse.  She 
wasn't sure what she would do it he answered her.  Or what she
she would do if he didn't.

"Scully, you hate snow."

"Only when I'm running for my life and it's slowing me down."

"Running for your life.  You do that a lot when you're with me."
As soon as he'd said it, he'd wanted to take back the
words.  Depressed Mulder.  Happy Holidays Scully.  Shit, how
did she stand him?  Mulder put a hand to his forehead and shut
his eyes.

"Take a walk with me Mulder." 

She'd said it so softly that he'd barely heard it.  She had her 
hand stretched out, reaching for him.  He looked into her
blue eyes.  He'd resisted looking right at her, because he
was afraid of what he'd see.  He didn't want to see pity or
sadness.  He wouldn't have been able to handle that.  He could
handle anything but that.

What  Mulder saw reflected in Scully's eyes, was love, friendship,
and trust.  Things that he'd seen many times.  He also saw
something else.  He saw the Truth.  Scully wanted to take a 
walk with him.  He reached out and took her hand.  It felt so
warm.


Mulder and Scully stepped out of the apartment building and
started walking down the deserted street.  There was hardly any
traffic and no one else had decided to go for a stroll in the snow,
so they found themselves almost completely alone.

They had walked several blocks still holding hands when Scully
realized that Mulder wore no coat or gloves.  She was sure he
must be cold, wearing just his t-shirt and sweater.  She'd noticed
him shiver from a chill several times while they were inside.  He
must be freezing now.

"Mulder, we should go back and get your coat and gloves.  You
must be cold."  Scully stopped walking and pulled him to a stop
when he continued to move forward.

Mulder looked down at the hand that had stopped him and then
at the person attached to it.  Why had she stopped?  Had she 
changed her mind?  Did she not want to be with him?

Scully looked at Mulder and saw the confusion in his eyes.  A few
short minutes ago, those eyes had also shown pain and loss.  
When he had taken her hand and walked down the hall with her,
she had stolen a glance at him and he had been smiling.  A small
one, but he had also seemed relaxed and eager to follow her.

Had that changed?  Was he now unsure of what he wanted to do?
She shouldn't have stopped.  He would want her to go once they
got back to the apartment.  

"Mulder, you need a coat.  Go back and get it, I'll wait here for you."

"Scully, I don't need a coat.  I'm warm.  Let's keep going."

Scully grasped both of his hands in hers and then touched one to
his cheek.  He was telling the truth.  He felt warm.  And he was 
smiling.  Scully smiled back at him and then pulled him along.

He must have warmed up quickly even though they had only 
walked a couple of blocks.  Yeah, that must be it, she thought.

Right?

The End.

Notes:  Thanks for reading.  Helpful suggestions or comments on
the story would be appreciated.

BigMckib@aol.com