Well, this is the end, I'm sorry, but this is using the last creative bone in my body, until I can regenerate. Thanks to everyone who contributed feedback, suggestions, and death threats. Gossip Conquers All (The end...) Part VI By RaEnright It's now Friday... Mulder sat in the cafeteria across the table from Scully and Erin. Melissa sat next to him; Kev and Bill were eating their lunch in a booth nearby. It was the first time he'd seen Scully that day-- she hadn't checked in until five minutes ago. And he was still confused about what Erin had said the day before, about them being in love- The room was almost full with agents eating lunch and eagerly awaiting the newest event in the lives of the basement people. They weren't waiting in vain... Skinner, on a stroke of genius, had decided to stay in his office and watch through the minicamera Erin had gotten Agent Kim from surveillance to install in the wall. Mulder sighed and stood up. "Now or never, Scully." He muttered. Melissa moved out of the way and took up a post near her brothers. "May I have your attention, please..."He began. ______________________ After Mulder finished his speech, there was a few seconds of silence. Stunned silence. Awkward silence. Almost...angry silence. As if on cue, over fifty lunches, including those of two naval officers, flew at the booth at once, obliterating the view of the two grinning agents and one hysterical teenager. ______________________ "Did you get all the mayo off, Scully?" "I'm fine. How are your styrofoam burns?" "I'll live. Erin, you get the fries out of your hair?" "Not completely, but I scraped the melted cheese off my watch. Fox, did you get the number of that hamburger?" "I'm still after the man-eating club sandwich. Scully, there's bacon on you shirt." "That's nothing, I've got soda all over my shoes." "I think someone nearby had salad." "Why?" "I've got broccoli in my boxers." "I needed to know that, Fox." "Hey, better than-" "Don't get started, Mulder. Can you pick the potato chips off my back?" "They're nachos. I'm gonna love explaining this one to my dry-cleaners." "Guys?" "Yeah, Erin?" "I think today was *not* the right day for the cafeteria to serve mashed potatoes." _______________________ "All right, got the last of it." Erin ran her fingers through her salty hair and brushed at the ketchup stain on her shirt. "I think Skinner was right." "Me too." Mulder picked at the nacho cheese on Scully's coat. "Do I have dressing on my shirt?" "I wouldn't wear that tie for a while." Scully turned and faced him. "Not that it looks much different, but still..." "You've got tomatoes on your butt, Fox." "Not anymore." He brushed off the seat of his pants. "Erin, could you go return the bugs to Agent Kim? Scully and I need to talk." "Ohhhh....right." she picked up the components and dashed out the door. She pumped down that hall and almost ran into Kim, waiting by the door. "I got the bugs. Gimme the camera." "Right here." He traded her the bugs for a hand-held videocamera. "I'm putting my promotion on the line-" "It'll be worth it, trust me." ______________________ "Now, instead of playing let's keep Mulder in the dark, I want some answers." "To what?" "I want to know what Erin told you." "Does 'dammit Mike, there's not a damn thing I can do about it' ring a bell?" "I don't believe she told you." He hung his head. "And I want to know how you responded." She faced him and put her hands on her hips. "Like this..." _______________________ Erin pointed the lens through the door and chuckled wickedly. Oh, they were going to pay big time to get this tape. But not until she made copies. The view through the lens showed two people standing in the middle of a cluttered office, engaged in an unpartnerlike, rather passionate, tongue-hockey-but-we-won't-keep-score kiss *nobody* would believe was faked. "When your mom gets ahold of this, Dana...and Da...and Melissa...and *Kev*...and that Jackie woman you keep talking about..." ______________________ "You realize, we just solved our own problem." "How is that?" "Well, we've been faking it for the past week. If we slip up now, because we *can't* let anyone know, then they'll just think we're faking again." "This is going to get us killed." "Sure. We'll be the butt of practical jokes for months. But I think we broke a bureau record. Most Agents fooled in a single week." "Well, I broke one for shortest skirt worn by a female agent." "You suppose Erin won best supporting actress? Not to mention fastest retreat from the cafeteria." "Aaaaand best blackmail tape!" Erin pushed the door open fully and smiled for a second before taking off down the hall. "^*<_ERIN!!!!!_>*^" That's it, there is no more. None at all. At least, not for now. I'm working on a new addition, but it won't be out until October at the earliest. I leave you with this final thought for the day, from my main inspiration for this story...From Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, scene IV(and you really should see the Kenneth Branagh version of that play): I'll tell thee what, prince, a college of witcrackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? In brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it...For man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee, but as thou are like to be my kinsman, live unbruised, and love my cousin.