Disclaimer:  The characters in this piece of fiction that are taken from
the television show, "The X-Files" are the property of Chris Carter,
1013 Productions, and Fox Broadcasting.  No infringement is intended.
Any other characters are zany creations from the mind of this author.

Rating: PG

Classification:  VAR

Keywords: MulderAngst; Character Death; MSR

Spoilers:  Redux II, Field Where I Died, Pilot

Summary:  Scully's gone, but Mulder's still here.

Author's Notes:  I don't really like writing stories like this, but this one
would not leave me be.  Mulder is rather annoying at times, but I love
him, anyway... except when he puts on that bad Texas accent from
"Bad Blood".  Then I want to slap him silly. <ggl>  Anyway, this might
become an occasional series, if you people like it.  Let me know by
dropping me a line at dmulder@nettaxi.com.

Additional Author's Notes:  Sorry to those of you who are waiting for
more of the Parent Trap saga, but this story attacked me in the middle
of my writing of part 2, and wouldn't leave me alone.  Once I get this
out of the way, I promise I'll be back working on the other one. :)

*************************
Gone I
By: Diana Alexander
(dmulder@nettaxi.com)
*************************

Dana Katherine Scully has been gone two months, three days, twelve
hours, sixteen minutes, and twenty-three seconds.  As the time goes by,
I miss her more and more.  Then again, I would have to in order to
keep count on the time the way I have, wouldn't I?

I thought for certain when I found that chip about ten years ago that it
would prevent this from happening to her -- to us -- but I was wrong.
The chip held the cancer off long enough for us to get some grasp on
the truth -- as well as each other -- but inevitably, it returned and took
her away from me.

I'm still working down in the basement, and when before I got looks
that informed me just how inferior I was to have gone from the
Bureau's best and brightest to the recluse down in the basement, or
perhaps awe at my profiling abilities at best, now I get pity.  'Poor
Mulder,' I can almost hear them thinking, 'he made the mistake of
falling in love with his partner.'

Well, in response, I'd have to tell them that I don't regret a day.  I
wouldn't take back a single day that we had together.  In saying this, I
can almost hear Scully's voice as she tries not to laugh and see the lips
that are struggling not to smile as she tells me that the only thing she
would take back is the Flukeman thing.  That was one disgusting case,
as I remember it.

I smile in memory; that was the only bright moment in a case that made
me doubt everything I once thought I knew about Scully and I.  Then
again, I turned out to be wrong on that.  In that case, I thought that I
proved that I could not have the one I wanted since we were destined
to be friends in every lifetime, but I had forgotten one of the truths
discovered during my studies in psychology.  It took a long conversation
with body language and voice to remind me of it.

We wasted so much time locked behind our walls to make sure that we
remained two separate individuals who wouldn't meld into one mind in
two separate bodies that we were blind to what was right in front of us. 
Little did we notice that even as we fought this thing between us, it
bound us even stronger together.

I can still feel her with me sometimes, at the back of my mind.  It's
almost as if she became part of me at the time of her death so that we
would never be separated as we were so often in life.  If it's true, then
it's stranger than any X-File we've ever investigated together.  I might
be a sentimental sap for saying this, but I really hope it is true.  It's
nice
to at least think she's still watching over me and keeping me out of
trouble.  Even now that she's gone.

Despite the fact that I say the words, I can't make myself believe it.
Sometimes I think she's going to walk through that door and stand there
while I drink in the sight of her with an exasperated look on her face.
The unspoken "Mulder..." that's emphasized by a slight shake of her
head is heard all the same.  Yet, it never happens, but I still have my
dreams.  I have to, in order to keep going.

That's the one thing I promised Scully that I'd do.  Keep going, I mean. 
Even when I start to doubt the validity of the quest we spent so many
years working on, together in mind, heart, and soul, I feel those laser
blue eyes on the back of my head, and it's all I can do to keep from
turning and facing the woman who watches over me.  I know she'd be
there if I just opened my eyes to it.

I'm grateful to have found her, and to have known that she brought out
the best in me, even when we had our disagreements. We were
blessed with two minds who went about finding the same answer via
two different methods, so we were bound to have that. I love
remembering the intellectual disagreements about things that were
work-related, and even those that were a little more personal.

Why am I rambling on all that's happened now in a frantic fit of
nostalgia for what once was?  Well, Assistant Director Walter Skinner
called me into his office late yesterday afternoon and informed me of
the news that I had been both expecting and dreading for over two
months now.  He's assigning me another partner.

Her name is Sandra McDonald.  I had the Gunmen check her out, and
when they pulled up the information on her, I started to worry.  She's
an intelligent, beautiful woman.  Her hair is black, her skin is well-
tanned, and she has green eyes.   Scully would tease me about her
being my "type" if she were here with me now.  Then again, if she was
here with me now, I wouldn't be in this situation.

However, it was not what she looked like that scared me.  There was
nothing there in her physical appearance that would remind me of
Scully.  However, when they delved deeper into her background, they
found out who had been her forensics instructor at Quantico.  One
Dana Katherine Scully.  I suppose I should be glad that there's
someone else who remembers who she is, what she was like, what she
did for other people, but I'm not.

It's not that I'm hoarding her memory all to myself, but rather that she
and Scully had gone through exactly the same courseload in university,
right down to deciding to delve into physics as her major and writing a
thesis on that.  It wasn't rewriting Einstein, which I'm very grateful for,
but if her mind works anything like Scully's...

I'm afraid I'm going to betray Scully's memory by falling in love with
this woman.  I can hear Scully's snort of exasperation, but it's true.  I
always thought I fell in love with Scully because of her mind before I
noticed how sexy she looked.  The funny thing is that I think she liked
knowing that.

Smart is sexy, Scully...

I hear a knock at the door, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear that it
was Destiny herself.  As it is, I know it's my new partner.  Without
thinking, a sentence spills out of my mouth that I haven't even thought
of saying in years:  "Nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted."

"I wouldn't say most unwanted, Agent Mulder, since Dana seemed to
have wanted you enough that the rest of the FBI shouldn't matter," the
voice preceded the smiling woman through the door.  After a once
over, she extended a hand to me, "Hello, my name is Sandra
McDonald, and I've been assigned to work with you."

This woman, Sandra McDonald, had been trained by my partner before
her death.  At least that's how it seems since that last sentence was
almost the exact words that Scully spoke to me upon our first meeting,
fifteen years ago.  Has it been that long?  I look up at the woman they
have assigned to me, and realized that perhaps Scully had made plans
for this just to make sure that I didn't destroy myself after she was
gone.  She always did know me way too well.

I accepted the handshake from the woman and gestured for her to sit
down at the desk that was once Scully's.  She moved with a grace and
manner that was almost seductive, but since Scully walked into my life,
I've failed to notice that sort of thing as much as I once would have.  It
was as if I had known from the start... well, perhaps I did.

"How well did you know Scully?" I asked the woman, who just tilted
her head to one side, revealing a slight streak of silver hair marring the
pure black waves on her head.  She frowned slightly, as though she
were trying to remember exactly how they met, then the smile was
back on her face.

"Dana taught me at Quantico, and noticed my skeptical
openmindedness," she admitted with a slight smile.  It might have been
slightly sheepish, but I wasn't paying attention to anything but her
words. "Slowly, over time, we became friends, and when she was sick
with the cancer before, she started telling me why she originally took
me under her wing."

"And why was that?"

"I was supposed to be her replacement if anything happened to her.
She was certain at that point in time that the two of you would find a
cure together, but she wasn't about to let you waste away or go out in a
blazing glory or some other stupid way that men have of committing
suicide for their work," In that moment, I felt her eyes upon me, burning
a hole through my head since I wasn't looking at her.  I can't deny that
the thought had crossed my mind.  It had, more than once.

"Oh, what did you mean by skeptical open-mindedness?" I avoided her
subtle accusation with a diversion.  She smiled again as I met her eyes. 
She knew exactly what I was doing.

"Oh, it was a term Dana used to describe herself.  It means that the
person is a scientist to the core, but is open to extreme possibilities.  Of
course, the person tends to deny the latter as often as possible, but it's
still there."

"Impressed her, did you?" I asked with a slightly arched eyebrow.  Due
to years of experience, I knew how hard that was to do.  In response, I
got a slight nod of acknowledgement.  "Good.  So, tell me, Agent
McDonald, do you believe in the existance of extraterrestrials?"

"The scientific community gives no credence to their existance, Agent
Mulder, but I believe that it would be somewhat arrogant to believe that
this planet is the only one that has intelligent life upon it.  However, I do
not believe they are here at the moment, since it would take a great
technological leap to get from the nearest planet capable of supporting
this sort of life to Earth," her smile widened at my expression. "So,
Mulder, did I pass the test?"

"That remains to be seen, McDonald.  Meet me here at eight o'clock
Monday morning, and I'll see how much I can stretch your belief in
extreme possiblities."

"It'll be a pleasure, Agent Mulder," she said as she slipped out the door.

I shook my head at her departure and spoke to the empty air, "If you
knew this was coming, then why couldn't you have warned me,
Scully?"

"Because I didn't know when, or even if you would believe what I told
you.  Mulder, you know yourself that you've had times when you would
never believe what I told you, especially if it involved the realm of
'extreme possibilities.'"  The nearly translucent form made quotes in the
air as she said the words "extreme possibilities" and seemed to almost
be laughing at me.

I don't blame her.  At that moment, I was laughing at myself.  She was
right.  Despite everything I put the woman through, she knew me better
than I knew myself.  Always has, and always will.  By the slightly
mocking smile on her face, I can tell she agrees with my thoughts.

"Hey, Scully, I'm going home.  Wanna come?"

Her laughter echoes inside my head. "You wish, Mulder.  You and I
only wish."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a really dirty mind?"

"I learned from a master," she quipped before she disappeared.  Only
she was still there, in my heart and in my mind.  With a smile, I headed
away from the office.

I always knew that Scully was my guardian angel, but I never expected
it to be taken literally.

"You know, Scully... I think this is going to be a very interesting
partnership."

"Maybe tomorrow you should ask her if she believes in ghosts as well
as aliens."

Maybe I will.  Maybe I will do just that.

*************************

-End-