"Your Friend Always"
by Michele Blankenship
2-15-95


     Dana called Mulder's apartment on her cellular phone from the back
seat of the cab.  She heard Mulder's voice as the answering machine picked
up and began its recording, "I'm not here.  Leave a message."  
     As usual, Mulder had been blunt and to the point.  Scully didn't
bother to leave another message.  She had been trying to contact Mulder for
hours and had already left several messages for him.  Some hidden part of
her mind wondered if he was actually home listening to her without
answering.  
     Dana immediately dismissed the thought.  Even though she hadn't seen
or heard from Mulder in nearly six months, she knew that Mulder would never
ignore her distraught pleas for help.  She *was* distraught.  She knew that
her turmoil could be seen on her face and heard in her voice.  To deny her
current emotional state would only make matters worse.  She needed to deal
with this and she needed Mulder to help her do so.
     For now, there was nothing else she could do except go to her mother's
house.  She had called her mom just before boarding the plane in Seattle. 
Dana had tried desperately not to cry as she told her mother that she was
coming home. 
     When the taxi finally pulled up in front of the Scully residence, 
Dana paid the driver and climbed wearily from the vehicle.  In one hand she
carried her briefcase, in the other, an over-night bag.  The driver
unloaded four other suitcases as well as two heavy boxes from the trunk and
backseat.  
     As the taxi pulled away, Dana stood forlornly on the curb.  Unshed
tears burned her eyes as she realized that she had stuffed her entire life
into four suitcases and two cardboard boxes.  "Come on, Scully." she chided
herself.  "Quit feeling sorry for yourself.  You can do this."  She reached
down and grabbed one of the cases and began to walk toward the house.  She
hoped that she was sounding a bit more confident than she felt.
     Dana's mother knowingly hugged her daughter fiercely when Dana entered
the house.  Dana hadn't bothered to tell her mother what had happened, but
it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the basics.
     Her mother looked sympathetically into Dana's eyes and said, "I assume
you and Mark had a fight."
     Dana sighed deeply, "There wasn't actually a fight, Mom."  Truthfully,
when Dana had left, she and her husband had not yelled at each other at
all.  Dana had simply taken in the situation and had made her decision. 
Mark had watched her pack and feebly tried to apologize.  Dana knew that he
had been relieved that she had made things so easy for him.
     "Do you want to talk?" her mother asked.
     Dana shook her head. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet, Mom.  I'm
just really tired right now."
     "Of course, Dear. Go on upstairs and lie down.  You've had a long
flight."
     Dana obediently started up the stairs.  She didn't have the strength
to tell her mother the real reason that she was so emotionally drained.
     Halfway up the stairs Dana suddenly turned and asked, "Have you seen
Mulder lately, Mom?"
     "Not since you and Mark got married."
     Dana nodded in understanding and climbed the remaining stairs.
     For a long time Dana just lay in the bed staring at the ceiling.  She
chided herself for being so foolish and blind.  She never should have
agreed to leave Washington D.C.  The last six months of her life now seemed
to have been a complete disaster.  How could she have been so wrong about
*everything*.
     At one point,  Dana rolled over to dial the familiar number on the
phone that sat near the bedside.  Mulder still wasn't answering his phone
but Dana decided to leave another message anyway.
     "Mulder?" she sniffed. "I need to talk to you.  Please, Mulder.  I'm
at my mother's.  Call me, Please?"  She suddenly hated herself for sounding
so pitiful.  But, she needed Mulder to react.  The way their friendship had
left off six months ago disappointed Dana more than she could articulate. 
However,  she knew that the friendship they both shared could easily
survive the six month silence that had ensued.  At least, she hoped that it
could.
     Dana sighed again and resumed her detailed survey of the cracks in the
ceiling.  She couldn't stop herself when she began to think about how
things had been in her life eight months ago.



     Scully had nearly floated into the office that morning, a delightful
smile shining on her face.  Mulder had looked up from his place behind his
desk and had irresistably returned her smile.  Dana was happy,  therefore
Mulder was happy for her.  She crossed the room and set her briefcase down
on her desk.  Then she sat on the corner of her desk and crossed her legs, 
grinning from ear to ear the entire time.  Mulder knew that she was
bursting with the need to tell him something.
     "What?" he finally asked.
     Scully's smile grew even more and her eyes sparkled as she replied,
"I'm getting married."  Mulder's jaw dropped visibly. Dana went on, "Mark
asked me to marry him and I said yes."
     Mulder gazed at her suspiciously, "Scully," he cautioned, "you haven't
known him that long.  Are you sure about this?"
     "Yes."  she said simply.
     Mulder shrugged and crossed the room in order to plant a small kiss on
her forehead. "Then, Congratulations, Scully." He smiled at her and added,
" I hope that Mark realizes that I'm going to continue calling you
'Scully'. I simply refuse to call you 'Greenberg'."  They both laughed.
     Then Dana shocked him again when she said, "Mulder, I'd like you to
give me away."
     After a moment of stunned silence, Mulder asked, "Won't Mark be a
little offended by the obvious symbolizm of that?  It's like asking for my
blessing or something."
     Dana shrugged.  "My father isn't here to give me away.  I suppose that
I could ask one of my brothers but I'd rather have you there."
     Mulder had been wary. "I don't know, Scully."
     "Mulder,  you are my best friend; my partner.  Nothing can ever change
that.  I just feel that the one person who has taken care of me for the
past three years should be the one who gives me away at my wedding."
     Mulder felt his throat choke with emotion.  He knew what this meant to
Dana and he understood why she had asked.  He finally nodded in agreement.
     Dana gave him a quick hug and said, " Thanks, Mulder."
     They both started into the work day.  After several minutes Mulder
suddenly said, "I won't be able to call you in the middle of the night
anymore, will I?" he pouted at her playfully.
     "Mark probably wouldn't appreciate it too much." She answered him.
     Mulder shrugged again.  "Well, I'll just have to do all of my talking
during office hours then."
     Dana returned his teasing manner, "Lord knows you are such a blabber
mouth, Mulder.  I can never get you to shut up as it is."

     Four weeks later, Dana had been  in a small anteroom of the church,
waiting for the wedding ceremony to start.  Mulder had come into the room,
looking devilishly handsome in a black tuxedo.  Dana laughed when she saw
that he was wearing the bright blue, clip-on bow tie that she had giving
him as a joke last April Fool's Day.
     "Hey. Don't laugh." Mulder grinned as he straightened the bow tie.
"Frohike says that this tie is a true masterpiece."
     Dana laughed again.  Mulder was suddenly very serious.  He gently took
her by the shoulders and said, "Are you sure about this, Scully?  You can
still back out if you want."
     Dana smiled at him.  "I'm sure, Mulder."
     Mulder stepped back and looked at her.  His gaze raked across her body
from the top of her beautifully coiffed hair to the dainty white shoes that
peeked out from under the long skirt.  Her gown was a simple but elegant
thing.  Mulder had teased her unmercifully for weeks, about the pure
whiteness of the dress.
     Mulder gripped her hand and whispered, "You look positively stunning. 
You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."  After a few minutes of
silence between them, Mulder leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the
cheek.  "Do me a favor?"
     Scully raised her eyebrows questioningly.
     "Be happy, Dana."
     She smiled brightly at him and answered, "Don't worry, Mulder."
     Mulder leaned his forehead against hers and they chuckled at the bad
joke.  Then Mulder straightened his tie one more time and asked, "Are you
ready?"
     Dana nodded.  Mulder held one hand out to her and as she took it he
said, "Well, lets go to a wedding then."



     When Dana woke, she was on her side, curled tightly around a pillow. 
Through the darkness of the room, she could see her suitcases stacked
against the wall.  She rolled onto her back again but, due to the blackness
of the night, she could no longer see the ceiling.
     Dana pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes and tried to
force the memories to leave her alone.  But her mind wouldn't obey.  -She
remembered.
     Mulder had been so happy for her on the day she and Mark had wed. 
Dana had been a little worried that Mulder would get upset and resent her
marriage.  But he hadn't.  When she had come back to work a week later, 
Mulder had smiled honestly at her.  He had spent days teasing her with sly
innuendo about her honeymoon.  He had been happy for her, even if it meant
that he would be forced to share her.
     It wasn't until a month after the wedding, that Mulder had gotten
upset.  Dana could still vividly remember the look of shock and pain that
had crossed Mulder's face when she told him the news.  Mark's firm had
transfered him to the Seattle, Washington office.  He had to start work
there in one week.  Dana had been given six days to pack up or shut down
everything she owned.
     Mulder had been furious.  "You said that you were getting married! 
You didn't say that you would be leaving!" he had railed at her.
     "Mulder I didn't know."  she had whispered.
     "Can't you stay here?" Mulder had asked hopefully.
     "My place is with my husband.  I took a vow.  I mean to stick to it."
she had said stubbornly.
     "You said that we were friends," he'd hissed in her face. "that we
were partners and nothing would change that."
     "Mulder, we'll still be friends." Dana had fought the tears that
threatened.
     "Right." he cried, "From three thousand miles away."  with the last
word Mulder had flung a half filled coffee cup across the room.  The cup
had struck the wall forcefully and coffee and glass had exploded in all
directions.
     Dana had stood, silently shaking beside her desk.  But with his
momentary fit of violence, Mulder's anger had seemed to evaporate.  
     His shoulders had sagged sullenly and he had apologized.  He asked
when she had to leave.  Dana had seen the hurt in his eyes again when she
told him. Mulder had then sat back down at his desk and stared silently at
the surrounding clutter.
     Looking back on it now, Dana knew that he had been fighting to control
his emotions, trying to hide his anger and disappointment from her.  Dana
had gone to see Assistant Director Skinner about her transfer to the
Seattle Bureau.  When she returned an hour later, Mulder had been gone. 
She hadn't seen him since.
     For her last six days in D.C., Mulder had gone to great lengths to
avoid her.  He was never at the office when she was.  He had reported his
cellular phone as stolen, and had stubbornly refused to answer any calls at
home.  
     The night before Dana left, she had gone to Mulder's apartment because
she knew that he was home.  She didn't know that Mulder had anticipated her
showing up on his doorstep.  During the past week he had run out of places
to go, places to hide.  As a result, just before Dana's car pulled up in
front of the building, Mulder had taken an old lawn chair and a twelve case
of beer and had gone to the roof to stare at the stars.  He had stayed
there until the last beer was gone and the last star had faded with the
sunrise.
     When Dana had reached the apartment she knocked.  After a minute with
no answer she simply opened the door herself with the key that Mulder had
given her so long ago.  Dana remembered the tears that had well up in her
eyes when she realized that she had missed him.  Mulder had been in that
room until just before she had arrived, Dana knew.  She could still smell
his aftershave clinging to the air in the room.
     Dana had waited for him to return for hours.  It soon became apparent
that he wouldn't be back tonight.  Dana had loathed the idea of leaving
withut saying goodbye.  So, she had spent another hour writing him a long
letter.  She had poured everything into those three sheets of paper; all
her feelings, all her hopes. She had signed the letter -Your friend,
always,  Dana-
     She had then sealed the envelope and written his name across the front
in her neat script.  She propped the envelope against his computer keyboard
and locked the door behind her as she left.  She had leaned her forehead
against the door, staring at the key in her hand.  She simply couldn't make
herself leave the key behind.  She had put the bit of metal into her
pocket, whispered a final goodbye to the unhearing door, and walked away.
     Laying on the bed in her mother's house, Dana fought to block these
thoughts from her mind.  She sat up and left the room, wandering aimlessly
in the dark house.  
     She tried Mulder's number again.  This time,  when she recieved no
answer, she slammed the reciever down angrily.  Why was he doing this to
her?  She suddenly decided to go over there herself and throttle him if
necessary.  She snatched her mother's spare keys from the table and began
the drive to Mulder's apartment.
     She arrived to an unoccupied apartment.  Mulder was not there.  From
the blinking lights on his answering machine, it looked as though he'd been
gone for days.
     Dana was in the process of trying to access Mulder's computer files to
get some idea of where he was, when a square section of paper caught her
eye.  The paper was underneath the computer keyboard.  As Dana pulled at
the square, she saw that it was a sealed envelope.  She turned the envelope
over in her hands and recognized her own handwriting.  It was the letter
that she had left for Mulder six months ago.  Mulder had never even opened
it.  He hadn't read a word.  
     Dana threw the envelope onto the desk angrily.  She crossed the room
and fell onto the couch.  When the tears began to trickle silently down her
cheeks, she did nothing to stop them.
     It was shortly before seven in the morning when Mulder finally got
home.  He had stared down at Scully as she slept on the couch for several
minutes.  He half thought that he was seeing things.  It had been a rough
week.  Perhaps, exhaustion had finally caught up with him.  But, somehow, 
he felt that a hallucination like this probably wouldn't contain a Scully
that looked so tired.  
     Mulder sat on the coffee table and studied her face.  Her eyes were
puffy and swollen,  her face was streaked with dried tears.  Mulder finally
reached out and shook her gently.
     "Scully?" he whispered.
     Dana slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Mulder.
     "Where have you been?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.
     "On an assignment. I just got back."  He stood up and paced partway
across the room.
     Dana sat wide-eyed on the couch staring at him.  He had lost weight. 
He was at least 10 or 15 pounds lighter than when she had last seen him. 
He was on the verge of being downright boney.  His clothes hung loosely on
his body, looking awkward.  Dana wondered at the thin streaks of grey hair
that now grew at his temples.
     Mulder was staring at her too.  He noticed the dark circles under her
eyes and the redness in her cheeks.  Mulder thought that she may be
feverish.  She looked a little green and Mulder thought that her stomache
must be full of the same butterflies as his own.
     "I missed you." she whispered.
     "I missed you too."
     Dana could no longer tolerate the tense air that crackled between
them.  She suddenly stood up and threw herself at him.  Mulder caught her
and Dana wound her arms around his waist.  Mulder closed his eyes and
leaned his cheek against the top of her head, savoring the perfume of her
hair.  He realized belatedly that she was crying.  Her body shook with
great shuddering sobs as she finally let go of the tenacious hold on her
emotions and bawled.
     At first, Mulder thought that he had been the cause of her tears.  But
as the minutes passed and Scully's tears continued, Mulder knew that
something else was terribly wrong.  He could hear the anger and pain in her
sobs.  Mulder stroked her hair and back, helplessly muttering soothing
words to the shaking figure in his arms.  A few moments later, Mulder
realized that he was literally holding Dana up.  She didn't seem to have
enough strength in her legs to remain upright.
     Mulder squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment, feeling her pain. 
He then reached down and grabbed Scully behind the knees, scooping her up
in his arms.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. 
Mulder moved over to the couch and sat down, positioning Scully on his lap.
 He cradled Dana in his arms like a child and she continued to sob for a
seeming eternity.  Mulder felt totally helpless.  All he could do was to
rock her gently from side to side and murmer softly to her.
     Eventually, Mulder felt Scully's wracking sobs begin to ease.  Soon
her weeping changed to mild hiccups.  Mulder continued to rock Dana
comfortingly even after she fell into an exhausted sleep.
     Several hours later, Dana woke and found herself lying on Mulder's
couch with her head pillowed in his lap.  Mulder was watching television
with the volume turned down.  In one hand, he limply held the remote
control.  The other hand was absently stroking Scully's hair in a manner
that Dana found extremely comforting.
     Dana sighed and Mulder noticed that she was awake. 
     "How are you feeling?" he asked gently.
     "Like a wet dish towel that has been wrung out to dry." she answered
feebly.
     Dana sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.  Mulder clicked off the
television and asked lamely, "Are you hungry? Can I get you something?"
     Dana shook her head.  
     Mulder was frustrated, "Scully, how can I help?"
     She edged across the cushion to hug his arm, laying her head on his
shoulder.  "Just be here."  she whispered.  "I need to be able to count on
our friendship."
     "Okay." Mulder answered.  
     "Mulder? " Dana said in a whisper. "*Are* we still friends?"
     Mulder put one arm around her shoulders. "Of course."
     "It really hurt.  When you avoided me, it really hurt."  When Mulder
remained silent she asked suddenly, "Why didn't you read the note that I
left for you, Mulder?"
     It took several minutes before he could answer her. "I didn't need to
read it." he said finally. "I knew what you wanted to say."
     He squeezed her gently.  "I'm sorry." he whispered. "But, I just
couldn't make myself say 'Goodbye'.  It was just too hard."
     Dana nodded in understanding.  To be honest, she had known his
reasons.  However, understanding Mulder's actions hadn't made them any
easier at the time.
Not that any of this really mattered now.  Dana was back, Mulder was with
her.  The rift that had existed between them so recently had vanished
without a trace.
     Dana finally gathered up all her strength and said suddenly, "I've
left, Mark."
     "I had gathered that much." Mulder told her with a small smile.  "Do
you want to talk about it?"
     After a very long silence, Dana voice began in a quavering whisper. 
"I hadn't been feeling well last week, so I had taken the afternoon off. 
I'd had a doctor's appointment.  I couldn't go back to work so I had gone
home early.  I'd even tried to call Mark but his office told me that he
..." Scully paused and drew in a deep breath. "... he was out of the office
for *lunch*." her words were dripping with angry sarcasm.
     Mulder knew where this was going and said, "He wasn't having lunch."
     "Not alone at any rate." Dana sighed. "I found him at home in *our*
bed with his secretary." she whispered.
     "Scully. I'm so sorry." Mulder wanted nothing more than to strangle
the man who had hurt her this way.
     Dana suddenly pulled away from Mulder and began to pace angrily.  "I
didn't say anything.  What was I supposed to say?  I just went to the
closet and started packing my bags.  He didn't even try to explain
anything.  He just stood there."  She buried her face in her hands.  "I
feel so stupid.  So humiliated."
     "You didn't do anything wrong, Scully.  He's the one who should be
feeling humiliated.  You're better off knowing now, what kind of man he
is."
     Dana nodded sadly. "I know.  If that was all that was wrong, I could
handle it.  I can deal with rejection.  But-"  She then flopped herself
into a nearby chair, pulling her knees to her chest.  She buried her face
in her arms and after several moments whispered, 
     "I'm pregnant."
     Mulder closed his eyes and envisioned the gruesome, cold-blooded
murder of Mark Greenberg.
     Dana went on, "That's why I haven't been feeling well.  I hadn't even
suspected *that* could be the cause.  I thought I had the flu." she laughed
ironically.
     "Did you tell, Mark?" Mulder asked carefully.
     Dana looked up at him and slowly shook her head.  "I didn't get the
chance.  Once I got home and found them together... it seemed pretty
pointless."
     Mulder moved to Dana's side and hugged her tightly.  He wasn't sure
what he was supposed to say next.  He asked, "You're not going to tell him
at all?"
     "NO" Dana answered vehemently.  She sighed and pulled away from Mulder
a bit. "Look, I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.  But, regardless
of whether I have this baby or not, I don't want Mark to know.  It would
only complicate matters."
     Mulder stared at her in shock.  He couldn't believe that Scully would
even consider terminating her pregnancy.  His own stomach suddenly turned
to lead.
     Dana seemed to read his thoughts from the expression on his face.  She
stood suddenly and put a bit of distance between them.  "Do you really
think it would be fair for me to bring a child into this world right now? 
How can I care for an infant when I'm so emotionally screwed up myself ?"
     Mulder bit back the comment that he wanted to make in the baby's
defense.  He didn't tell her that a good portion of her emotional distress
was probably hormone induced.  Scully needed him now and Mulder couldn't
afford to have her think he was opposed to her in any way.  Besides, it was
*her* decision to make.  He would have to support her, regardless of the
outcome.  He closed his eyes momentarily to regain his composure.  His
imagination abruptly showed him an image of a tiny red-haired little girl. 
Mulder shook his head quickly in order to banish the mental picture.
     Mulder crossed the room and took Dana in his arms again.  She put her
head against his chest.  Mulder spoke softly into her hair, "Don't you want
to be somebody's mother?"
     Tears began to slid quietly down Dana's cheeks again.  "When I first
found out that I was pregnant, I was thrilled.  But now... " she left the
sentence unfinished.
     The pain and anger emanating from Scully became a tangible thing to
Mulder.  He held her close.  "I'm here.  No matter what you decide to do,
I'm here."
     Dana squeezed him hard.  "Thanks, Mulder."
     "Hey," he shrugged. "that's what friends are for."


End.