All Disclaimers Still Apply.  See Chapter One

"Frightening Changes" by Macspooky Chapter 2/2


Mulder's Narrative

Oh, God, oh my God....Scully.  The firemen were zipping a
body into a bag on that bridge and all I could see was the red
hair.  They were dead, all dead, burned like the others on
Skyland Mountain.  The smell made me want to vomit.  It
was like I had pictured Auchswitz smelling when the
crematorium had been running full speed ahead.  All these
bodies...and one with red hair.  I looked closer.  It wasn't
Scully.  Thank heavens that there were enough features
preserved that I could tell.  Then Skinner told me that she
had been found alive along with about 50 others.  Skinner
and I approached the paramedics.  She looked so pale, looked
dead....but they said it was vasogenic shock.  It was Skinner
that made the arrangements to get her medivaced back to DC
so she could be where her medical records were once the
hospital in Pennsylvania had her stabilized.  It was
something else I owed him for.

I got to the hospital in DC as soon as I could and touched her
hair.  I wanted to pull her still form into my arms and hold
her, never let her go, but all I did was touch her hair.  Her
eyes opened and all I could manage to say was hello.


Dana's Narrative


I felt his touch.  I knew it was him.  I sensed his presence
the way I always did even in my sleep.  I was wondering
what he was doing in my bedroom.  I was hoping when my
eyes opened that he would kiss me, but he didn't.  Then I
realized that I was in the hospital...again...and didn't
remember getting there.  When I realized I had no
memories I became more frightened than ever.  I wanted
him to stay with me, but a nurse came in and essentially
told him to get lost.  He gave me the thumbs up and
promised to come back.  He did too, just as soon as he could
get back in, but I didn't want him to leave in the first
place.

I didn't mean to be cruel when I told him I couldn't,
wouldn't follow him anymore without his beliefs.  I wanted
to...I don't know...wake him up....before it was too late, to
show him that for years I had had faith in him, even though
we had always disagreed.  Instead I ended up hurting him.  I
could see it in his eyes and on his face.  When they released
me from the hospital the next day, I called him.  Thank God
my mother was out of town and no one had been able to
reach her.  I didn't want her to know that I had been
injured again.  I called Mulder and he took me home just
like he had the last time, only this time I had to ask him to
come in.  He didn't volunteer.

I was still kind of shaky, but I asked him to sit down.  I had
him fill me in on all the details including the part about the
missing Marita.  Then I took his hand.

"Mulder, we have never agreed on a whole lot, but we've
always been there for each other.  I wish I hadn't said what
I said yesterday, but the new you is scaring me."

"It's the way things are, Scully," he told me.  Typical
Mulder.  His eyes looked at me with such gentleness and his
words put a hole in my heart.

We sat in silence for some time.

"Take me to see Dr. Verber," I asked him softly.  "Maybe
he can give me back my memories." It was the only way I
could think of to give me an out.  I didn't want to leave
Mulder, but I knew that if I couldn't remember something I
would have to.  He knew it too.  I hadn't been bluffing
yesterday when I had told him that without his beliefs I
needed my memories or I could not longer make the
journey with him.


Mulder's Narrative


Instinctively I hadn't notified Dana's mother about her
being in the hospital again.  I didn't want to alarm her if
she didn't need to be.  She'd been through enough.
Skinner's office had tried but apparently Mrs. Scully was
out of town, so they couldn't reach her.  That gave me the
job of taking Dana home from the hospital once again
though and this time it was not a job I relished.   She had
cut me to the quick when she told me she couldn't...wouldn't
follow me without her memories.  I don't know... it sounded
as though she believed she had martyred herself to me
somehow.  I thought she loved me bit if she did, then she
would not feel that way.  It hurt.

I didn't want to enter her apartment when I took her home,
but she asked me to come in, and one look into her blue eyes
convinced me it was the only thing to do.  She insisted I fill
her in on everything that had happened.  Then, she once
again shocked the hell out of me by asking me to take her to
Dr. Verber.  I knew that she was doing this for me too.  A
part of me was touched.  A part of me was angry at her.  I
didn't want her to have any more ammunition to make her
feel martyred.

That session was a nightmare.  I sat on the opposite end of
the couch from her, but she started screaming.  Her hand
reached out for mine and I took it and held it.  What could I
do?  Whatever she saw, it was so horrific that Verber had
to bring her out of it.  I let her hand go.  When she heard
that I had been there the whole time, she smiled at me
sadly.  We didn't say much in the car.  We went back to her
place.  She made coffee and we played the tape Dr.  Verber
had made since she couldn't really clearly remember any of
the session.  I was afraid that I was going to lose my
partner for sure this time.

"So," I said sadly, "You still have no memories...." I felt
something inside me break.  She would no longer come with
me, follow me.

"No, Mulder, I don't, not exactly, but I've got something
now." For the briefest instant her face lit in a smile.  "I'm
not adverse to compromise upon occasion you know."

I put my arms around her and hugged her.  It was a brief
hug but I was afraid if I didn't let go, I never would.  She
was still with me.  Sensing that she needed some space,
some time to study the tapes, I left her.  We would have to
bring them to Skinner in the morning.


Scully's Narrative


Mulder and I still didn't agree.  I was sure listening to the
tape that I had seen aliens and Mulder sat with Skinner
debunking it all.  Skinner seemed annoyed, seemed to agree
with me.  I know that I was peeved to put it mildly.  I
wanted my old Mulder back.  I had told him I was not
adverse to compromise now and then and I meant it.  I
would stick with him for now regardless of his beliefs, but
he was still scaring me here.  The hug he had given me the
night before had been awfully nice though.  I know he had
been pleased that I would stay with him.  I know it.  If I
left, it would break his heart the same as it would break
mine.

He had some place to go and I went down to Mulder's office,
the office that was now my office with a real desk, and
there was Jeffrey Spender.  Seeing him there bugged the
hell out of  me. It really pissed me off.  I wondered what the
devil he had been doing.  Had he come to laugh at Spooky
territory?  I told him that Mulder had gone off somewhere
and then found out it was me he wanted to see.

He showed me a video tape from his childhood, told me not
to let myself be used, compared Mulder to his mother
feeding me stories of aliens for years.  Maybe he had a
point.  I don't know.  Still, Mulder was not my mother and I
was not a 12 year old boy.  I was an intelligent well
educated adult.  I was a doctor.  I wanted to inform him that
I had already been used.  Hell, they had taken all my ova,
but that was too personal.  Mulder knew and I knew and
Skinner knew, but I sure didn't advertise it.  I basically
blew him off politely.  I found myself wondering if he
really even wanted his mother back since he seemed to
think she was such a nutcase.  I have grown just that
cynical in the last five years.

Later that night, I went to Mulder's apartment.  I had been
trying to reach him.  I just had the sense that something
was wrong and wanted to check on him.  He didn't even have
the door locked.  I found him sitting in the dark.  I knew
something had happened.  He showed me a piece of paper.
He told me it might lead to answers.  Jeffrey Spender had
told me not to let myself be used.  God, I had wanted to,
wishd I had punch the bastard when he was in the office.
Never have I ever thought that Mulder was using
me...never.....although there were forces that could be
using us.  I told Mulder that I had been doing some
reconsidering.  He said so had he.  We were together again.
I would follow him.  It felt right.


Mulder's Narrative


I don't know whether I believe Krycek or not.  The story he
told was insane, at least insane to the new me who doesn't
believe in aliens.  Yet, as he got down in my face and spoke
to me about warring factions in the heavens and
armageddon, there was a ring of truth to it.  Why would he
make up something so totally crazy?  It was so wild even
the old Mulder would have found it implausible.  I wanted to
puke when he planted that Judas kiss on my cheek and when
he called me friend...comrade.  I was not that.  I also felt
that I had been given yet another burden to carry.  It made
no sense.  What the hell was I?  Some sort of Messiah?  If I
was, I sure as hell didn't want to be.  All I wanted, I
realized was a quiet life with my partner.  Yeah....like that
would ever really happen!

Once that Russian spy bastard left and I got to my feet I just
sat on the couch.  I was surprised when Scully came in.  I
told her I'd been thinking, but that was a lie.  I'd been
vegging, my mind numb...a blank.  I told her that I might
know a place to find answers.  I expected her to tell me to
get lost.  Instead, she said, "Let's go." Oh, she didn't say it
just like that, but that is what it came down to.   She was
still with me.  It turned into a nightmare, but then again, it
always does.

We finally got back into our rental car when the Mps let us
go, and pulled away from the base.  I didn't get more than
10 miles up the road when I started to doze behind the
wheel.  I'd been found by MP's near an abandoned military
truck.  I hadn't been able to remember a goddamn thing
except that I had left Scully and climbed on board it as it
had pulled out of the base.

After that, things were a total blank.  I felt exhausted.   I
nearly crashed the car.  Scully grabbed the wheel and then
took over driving.  Sensibly, she pulled over into the first
motel she found.  We took the one remaining room under a
name that didn't belong to either one of us.  It wasn't the
kind of place where they asked questions anyway.  She
informed me that I was running a fever as she forced some
tylenol down my throat.  God, I hate that shit, but I knew
she was right.  I hadn't been able to stop sweating.

"This time it is me who has no memory," I sighed.  I was
glad she was with me.  There had been such love in the way
she had touched me when the MPs had brought me back
from that truck, when she had asked me what happened.

"Welcome to the Lost Memory Club.  Get some sleep,
Mulder.  We'll drive back to DC in the morning."

"What about you?"

"Move over pardner," she said slipping off her shoes and
jacket.

"What about the rules against this?"

"F**k it," was all she managed.  My partner was asleep
before I'd even closed my eyes.


The End

macspooky@earthlink.net