The E-Files, by JeChant@aol.com I've done the disclaiming bit before, but you know I have to so... These characters belong to Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox TV and I have used them without permission. This came to me while I was shoveling our sidewalk from that great blizzard and I thought it might be an interesting story. Write me and tell me if I was right, okay:)? ************************************************************************** The E-Files, by JeChant@aol.com ************************************************************************** Mulder followed Scully into the great theater, wondering at the fact that its owners let the FBI use it like this. The two agents sat at the end of an empty row. While the theater filled up quickly, the row occupied by Mulder and Scully remained conspicuously empty. Mulder turned to Scully and grinned. "Told you I was a popular guy." Scully smiled and pointed. "Look." A young agent had found himself without a seat and had scoured the theater for a free one. Finding none, he was eyeing the chair farthest from the two agents but still in their row. Utter distaste distorting his features, he nervously occupied the said seat and twiddled his thumbs. Mulder looked at Scully slyly. "So, Scully," he said in a loud voice. "I definitely think that our last case had to do with aliens. How 'bout you?" The young agent turned and stared at them. Scully blushed deeply. "Mulder," she whispered, "you DID think it had to do with aliens." "Oh yeah," he whispered back. Raising his voice again, Mulder shouted "In fact, I've heard rumors that some of the Bureau's best agents are aliens." "But Mulder, WE are the Bureau's best agents," shouted Scully back. Mulder's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why, Scully," he said in a normal voice, "I didn't think there was a wiseass in there." Scully looked straight ahead, smiling to herself. "Actually, Mulder, there's quite a lot in there that you don't know about." Mulder gave a low whistle as the lights dimmed. Walter Skinner walked out on stage. "I've also heard rumors that Skinner's last name is actually Disney," shouted Mulder. By this time the theater was silent, and everyone turned to stare at Mulder. Scully found herself with a fit of the giggles but pretended to be coughing. Skinner smiled slightly from the stage. "Yes, Agent Mulder, and I've heard YOUR last name is Andthehound." Whistles and cheers broke out. Mulder laughed. "Good evening, everyone," Skinner began, "and welcome to the official FBI talent show." More cheers. "Our first act is William Harwood, playing the trumpet." A balding man blushing horribly walked on-stage and raised his instrument. He played an old Louis Armstrong arrangement, and did quite well at it. Everyone clapped. Skinner walked back on-stage. "Next is a sort of secret act, as they refused to tell me what it was. Put your hands together for Tom Colton and James Spencer, doing a variation on an old Shakespeare classic." The curtain opened to show a balcony. A few seconds went by, and then Tom Colton appeared. He was walking on his knees, wearing a dress, and sporting a red wig. "Oh, Spooky-O, Oh Spooky-O, Wherefore art thou, Spooky-O?" The audience erupted in cheers. Scully shot up in her chair as she realized Colton was playing her. She looked at Mulder, who was watching with a huge grin. "How can you think this is funny?" Scully demanded, screaming in a whisper. "Easy. Colton's only reason for doing this is to get us pissed off. When it's over, I'll give him a standing ovation." "You will not." "Will too." By then 'Spooky-O' had arrived on-stage. Mulder snickered. His character was wearing a hat decorated to look like a UFO. The character called back to 'Spooky-ett' and the scene continued. Mulder was nearly in hysterics watching, but Scully's embarrassment had grown. She remembered her former relationship with Tom, and knew that he was more than a little jealous. There was only one way to get back at him. The scene ended, and Colton and Spencer came forward to take their bows. Mulder stood, clapping and whistling. Everyone stared at him. Colton glared. Suddenly Scully shot up next to Mulder, clapping and giving an ear-splitting whistle. Colton's jaw dropped. He slunk offstage, Spencer following him. Mulder and Scully sat down, snickering to themselves. Skinner returned to the stage. "Next will be Benjamin Kenner, singing a song he dedicates to agents Mulder and Scully." Kenner, a tall good-looking agent in his thirties, came on with a guitar. He slapped the beat on his leg, then broke into 'The Monster Mash.' Mulder and Scully gave genuine smiles. Kenner was one of the few agents who liked and respected them. He probably had chosen to follow Colton's crew on purpose. Mulder gasped suddenly. "Scully, we're on after the next act!" Scully rotated her head. "Pardon?" Mulder gave her a weak smile. "Did I forget to tell you we're in the talent show?" ************************************************************************** Skinner walked on-stage. "Our next act is Spooky the Magnificent, with his assistant, the lovely Mrs. S! The audience laughed despite themselves, and applauded. The curtain opened to show Mulder dressed all in black, with a long cape and a top hat. Behind him hid Scully. She wore a short silver skirt, a black shirt, and a long silver cape. She still couldn't believe Mulder had bought them for her. She wondered if he had bought anything else. The audience was filled with shrill whistles. Scully's face matched her hair. Mulder strode to the front of the stage. "For my first act, I will need a volunteer," he announced. A few arms were raised. Tom Colton stood up in the audience. "I volunteer," he shouted. Mulder waited as the agent made his way on-stage. "Very good. Now my assistant, the lovely and talented Mrs. S, will escort you into the Cabinet of Doom." Colton stood in the Cabinet, glaring at the two agents. He was determined to prove the magic display a hoax and ruin their show as they had ruined his. Mulder closed the cabinet doors. "Now I will perform a great feat, one that people have been longing to do for ages. I will make Tom Colton disappear." The room was filled with hoots and cheers. Mulder motioned for silence, then waved his arms. "And now for the magic words....U.......F.......O!" The crowd was silent as Mrs. S opened the cabinet doors. Everyone clapped wildly when they saw its empty interior. ************************************************************************** Scully was still smiling as Mulder walked her to her car. "THAT was a success," she laughed. "I've never seen that many people talk to you in a YEAR, let alone an hour." Mulder smiled back. "Sarcasm. It gets them every time." Scully stopped suddenly. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "You forgot to make Colton reappear." Mulder snickered. "No I didn't." "So where is he?" ************************************************************************** Colton awoke slowly. He was immediately aware of a strong stench enveloping him. "What the-" He looked around him and realized he was in the Bureau morgue. Colton threw his head back and screamed for revenge on Fox Mulder.