All Disclaimers Still Apply.  See Chapter One


"The Couch" by Macspooky
Chapter 2/2


Fox's Narrative

My God, all I can do is sit on this couch and stare at the wall
across the way.  I have my laptop plugged in to the built in
phone jack.  I promised myself I would work, but I can't.
Dana is pregnant.  That wasn't supposed to be possible, but
they say miracles do happen.  I know I'm grinning like a
fool.  It's all I've been doing since I found out earlier today.
This morning started out with a terrible fight, the first
since we've been living together, when I found out she had
made an appointment with Dr. Zuckerman.  I nearly hit her
I was so angry with her.  I guess I couldn't believe that she
would try to shut me out when we were both afraid that she
was experiencing a relapse of her cancer.

It's a darn good thing I didn't.  Dana isn't sick.  She's
pregnant...oh yeah. Yes...the thought is nearly is good as the
climax I had when I got her that way!  Of course, there is
never any excuse for hitting a woman.  I really scared
myself.  That is not my thing, not at all, but fortunately, I
didn't.  I saw dad hit mom once....Anyway, when Zuckerman
told us that it wasn't a tumor growing I thought I would
pass out.  She looked at me for a moment as though she
thought I might not think a baby was a good thing and for
once I said the right thing and reassured her.

Now all I can do is stare.  She just went out to the store to
get some skim milk.  I didn't want to let her go.  I just want
to wrap her in a bubble for the next six months, but I knew
if I said anything she'd shoot me and this time she'd aim to
kill.  She doesn't like to be protected.

A part of me wants to go into the office tomorrow and walk
into the bullpen and tell all those sons of bitches that I
knocked up the Ice Queen.  It's a guy thing I know.  Boy
would that make their mouths drop open...Spooky Mulder
knocked up Dana Scully.  She'd really shoot to kill then
though and I'd be the target so I guess I'll have to restrain
myself.  I better not ever use that phrase around her
either.  It's crass.  Guys like crass, but she sure as hell
doesn't.  I guess she lived with her brothers too many
years and was very glad to escape it.

The live-in arrangement was not supposed to be
permanent.  I told her she could stay here until she found a
place after her apartment building burned down.  I was
surprised when she agreed.  I figured it would last a week,
maybe two at the most but apartments are hard to get these
days in this area and she was holding out for Old
Town.

Don't ask me how, but we actually discovered we could live
together.  Skinner had made her take a week off to deal with
everything that needed to be dealt with, so when she wasn't
shopping for essentials or on the phone with insurance
companies, she was cleaning my house.  Before long she had
it shining and I discovered I liked it.  She actually got me
organized and I decided I didn't like to be alone.   Doing
laundry wasn't half bad when you had someone to do it with.
Grocery shopping was less a chore when there were two.
Anyway, it worked.  It's still working.

Dana surprised me in a lot of ways.  She actually went to a
moving sale two floors down and bought a bedroom
set...used.  I didn't think that was her style.  I said so.  She
told me the idiot rednecks were selling Ethan Allen
furniture for $200 and she wasn't about to let that get
away.  Well, I didn't have a clue.  That's okay.  I don't
really need a clue about the brand names of furniture.
Anyway, we pushed and hauled and got it into my apartment
and she disappeared to buy curtains for the second
bedroom.  What is it with women and curtains anyway?
And, the woman still owes me for all that hauling a
shoving....big time.

Anyway, I digress.  We were faced with a weekend off.  By
Saturday night we were bored having done all the chores
that needed doing.  We ate dinner and I loaded the
dishwasher while she made coffee and some popcorn and
then we settled in for a Charlie Chan filmfest on AMC.  I
couldn't believe it when she told me she liked those old
movies.  I was in hog heaven though.  I wanted to watch and
had been nervous that she might make fun of me.  I know. I
know.  It is my place and my TV, but Dana can tease
sometimes, another after-effect of having brothers.  No,
let me amend that.  It was my place.  It is our place now,
our home soon to be shared by a little newcomer.

Anyway, we had a good time with the filmfest. We argued
over "who dunnit." I was right of course.  Dana has never
liked my old leather couch and I guess she wasn't
really comfortable so she rested her head on my shoulder
and we finished the popcorn.  I don't know what happened
next exactly.  I know I kissed her.  It was just supposed to
be a brief kiss, but the next thing I knew, my hand was
under her blouse and her bra was unstrapped, and I was on
top of her humping....excuse me...making love to her after
we had this conversation about condoms that was too silly
to be believed.

My, God, can that woman scream!  I never would have
thought it possible.  What a turn on!  After all the years
that I had known the cool rational Dana Katherine Scully, it
was like she morphed into a different woman when
confronted with having a penis inside.  I was no slouch
either.  Between the two of us, we must have driven the
neighbor nuts because just as things reached an astonishing
climax he started banging on the wall.  Then my cool
rational partner banged back and told him to get used to it.
A discussion followed thereafter between the walls about
who was going to fuck who and by this time I was laying on
top of her laughing so hard I didn't think I'd ever be able to
stop.

I knew she was feeling my weight so I let her wriggle
around to get on top of me.  I just wanted to hold her. I
realized that I was lost.  I loved this woman totally and
completely and after that night I knew nothing would ever
be the same.  It took a bit of wriggling.  Actually, the
wriggling got me started again.  Should have been on empty
but judging by what happened next, I must have still been
on at least half full.  Scully emptied the tank with all due
speed and enthusiasm though and then she passed out asleep.
We stayed that way all night.  I wish she would show that
much enthusiasm for my opinions on cases.  The woman
also shocked the hell out of me by telling me she had never
had an orgasm before.  Boy am I going to be strutting my
stuff for the next 50 years if I live that long.  I figure that
meant I was pretty damned good.  Men have egos about these
things.

I wonder what brother Billy would think if he knew?  If I
didn't value my life a whole lot right now, I might tell him.
"Hey, Billy Boy Scully, you know I'm the only one who
ever made your sister come, and boy did I ever.  I made her
scream so loud she nearly brought the house down." Wish I
had the nerve, but I was a brother once and I know if any
guy ever made a crack like that to me about Samantha, I'd
kill him, so I guess I'd better keep my mouth shut.

She got up first the next morning because I awakened to the
smell of coffee and nothing on top of me.  I ended up cooking
breakfast.  Scully is not a morning person as a rule and
besides, I do eggs better than she does.  She is much better
with dinners than I am, so that is kind of how we do things.
She looked good, really good.  The woman was absolutely
glowing.  She picked up her mug to move into the living
room when she was done eating while I sat at my old table
with the paper and I heard a scream.  I thought something
was coming through the window.  Mutants, aliens....I didn't
know.....

It was my couch....my beautiful old leather couch from the
Salvation Army...the buy of the century.  All of the
cushions were torn as a result of the night's activities.  I
felt heart sick but what could I say?  I could see Scully was
worried about my reaction.  I know she was glad the thing
was ruined, but she was concerned that I would be angry.

My telling her we could turn the cushions over was met
with a dirty look and the explanation that when she had
cleaned she had discovered a tear on the other side along
with $17.87 in change, a ton of sunflower seeds and a
bright green used condom.  When she said that, I got
worried.  I was afraid she might ask how it got there and I
had no desire to tell her about the one night stand I had had
with a woman I'd met in McCormick's Irish Pub.  She'd
been a flaming redhead and a lot of fun, but no Dana Scully.
She couldn't have been.  We'd only torn one cushion and the
neighbor hadn't banged on the wall.  Fortunately, Dana
hadn't asked any questions.  Maybe she hadn't really wanted
to know.

I told her we would go to the store and buy a new couch.
We'd been a little awkward with each other since getting
up, but when I suggested we check out the bed to make sure
it didn't need replacing too, she literally jumped into my
arms.  I had a feeling that I was going to be in for a real
workout over the next couple of months, not that I minded.
For the most part I lead, or rather used to lead, the
existence of a monk, the redhead from McCormick's aside,
and I'd wanted her for so long it was doubtful I'd ever get
enough. I was in this for the long term.  This wasn't just
sex with me.  It still isn't.  I love Dana Scully.  I'm not
sure when it happened exactly, but that night on the couch
was the culmination of years of longing, not so much for
her body but her soul.  Oh hell, her body too.  I am a man
after all.  I shouldn't be a hypocrit.

Well, we tested the bed thoroughly.  She was very taken
with the slats in the headboard.  She could reach back and
hold them, and boy, could she move those hips.  Once her
legs were wrapped around me, I could even forget that she
was short.  We decided that the bed didn't need replacing
and went to the store.

I can't resist the urge to tease Scully so I zeroed in on a
bright yellow leather couch.  She suggested buying a canary
instead.  Wise ass.  Then I went to the purple one, or I
started to head in that direction when something caught my
eye.  I changed paths.  It was love at first sight....me and a
forest green couch.  I asked her if she liked it.  She really
hurt me when she told me that it was my apartment and I
should get what I want, but I realized it was partially my
fault.  I had never once told her I loved her, so I rectified
that quickly.  I could see that she didn't want to go back to
living alone, that she wanted to share a home with me.  I
wasn't sure if it would fit in the apartment, but she told me
I was an expert at fitting the very big into the very small.
Yeah...I know she was stroking my ego, but I enjoyed it.
Not as much as when she was stroking my...well never
mind....suffice it to say it felt very very good.

Then Skinner called and she had to leave.  I was pretty
pissed but work is work.  I also went a little crazy.  Well,
my dad's blood money is no good in the bank where it has
been sitting and growing for a hell of a long time.  I bought
not only the couch but a recliner and everything else that
matched, even a new table and chairs and hutch.  I knew
Scully liked pretty things and had lost them all in the fire
and I wanted to give her a place to put some nice useless
china or something.  Maybe I'll get her some for her
birthday or Christmas or just cause I feel like it.  I bet she
likes Lladro.

The Lone Gun Nuts took my old leather couch swearing that
they could fix it and use it.  Yeah right.  Well, it was one
way to get rid of it.  If I had known Dana got pregnant on
that old thing, I might have shed tears when it left.  As it
was we found it in the street with the springs broken about
two weeks later.

Of course I had to be away when the furniture was
delivered.  Damn it all anyway.  When I got back though she
had the place fixed up, even new drapes on the living room
window.  The place really looked nice.


She was a little reluctant to make love on the new couch.  I
guess it is a woman's thing wanting to keep the furniture
nice.  When I want something though, I usually find ways to
get it, and I really wanted us to do it on that new couch.  We
did too. Boy did we ever.  I was learning quickly the right
buttons to push.  She liked it.  I won't go into the details of
what we did on the recliner but my partner is a very
resourceful individual and extremely flexible.  We gave the
dining room table a workout the next morning.  You know,
the height is absolutely perfect.  I get the better part of
that deal because I get to be the one standing and not laying
on the hard wood, but she didn't seem to mind. The chairs
aren't bad either...great for serving dessert if you know
what I mean. They also match which I know makes her
happy although I personally don't give a shit.  We haven't
been able to think of a damn thing to do with that hutch
though except put things in it so I guess it is safe for now.

Anyhow, after we left Dr. Zuckerman's andbefore we got
home I took Dana out to dinner and I asked her to marry me.
She'll probably throw up every thing she ate later, but I
know she enjoyed it while we were there.  She also said yes
with no argument.

Tomorrow we will go to her mother's house for dinner to
break the good news.  Billy Boy is going to be there.  I can't
wait to see the look on his face.  I should be reasonably safe
because Mrs. Scully doesn't put up with much nonsense
>from her kids and never did.  I'll never forget the way she
came to my defense when Dana was in the hospital and
Billy got started on me.  She thumped him right up side the
head and he is 6'4" tall.  Anyway, I know she'll be happy.
I'm glad to be bringing her good news for once.

I wanted to rush right to the toy store and go hog wild but
Dana wouldn't let me.  Ever the logical one, she pointed out
that the apartment was too small to buy a ton of toys right
away.  I did get one thing though.  She picked it out actually.
It's a stuffed gray fox.  I would have preferred a baseball
mitt, but how could I have refused her when she fell in love
with it?  For now, it is in the hutch.

*****************************************

Epilogue - Fox's Thinks Aloud

I am sitting in my office and my mouth is still hanging
open.

I don't believe what that woman did.  I mean I just don't
believe it.  The interview with Skinner was over, you know
the one where you have to tell your boss that you are
pregnant.  I went along, but  Dana did most of the talking,
thank God.  I think he was genuinely happy for us.  I can't
recall ever seeing him smile like that before.  We have a
good friend in him.  Of course, maybe he was just happy
that he would have to split us up now and we might be less
of a pain in the ass, but I don't think so.  I think he was
pleased for both of us and wanted us to be happy.

Anyway, I found myself following my soon to be bride.  We
didn't get off the elevator in the basement as I expected.
We got off on the second floor by the bull pen as she said
that she had to stop and pick up a file.  I should have sensed
that she was up to something.  I guess the fog of happiness
I've been in lately has been just too thick.

What did she do?  She climbed up on Tom Colton's desk. My
heart was in my mouth.  What if she fell?  I wanted to hold
her, but didn't dare.  Then before I could even process the
sight of her on the desk, she clapped her hands loudly three
times attracting the attention of every one there.  Believe
me when I tell you it didn't take long. Scully may be little,
but she is also pretty damned intimidating.  When they
were all looking at us much to my horror, she gave her
audience a big smile.

"I have an announcement to make," she said in a loud voice.
"Before you hear it from anyone else, I just want you all to
know that Spooky Mulder knocked up the Ice Queen.  Boy did
she enjoy it.  Caught her on the first go round and broke the
couch.  Now let's hear a round of applause for Special Agent
Fox Mulder and Dr. Dana Scully, soon to be Mr. & Mrs.
Spooky."

I wanted to "kill" her.  Hell, I still do, but she's pregnant
so I can't.  There are innocent parties involved here.  All I
can do is sit here with my mouth hanging open.  I mean,
after all, what is a man to do?  Besides, when you think
about it, it's kind of funny.  I'll say this much, I know now
who as the balls in the family and it sure as hell isn't me.


The End

macspooky@earthlink.net