Confessions by Joylynn Wing Part 2/2 See disclaimer in pt 1/2 Mulder watched her intently from the top of the laptop screen. Her hair glistened brightly in the harsh lighting. Her slender form was draped in a silk black Pj set, inset with some sort of embossed design upon it. In spite of the not too suggestive nature of the garment, he found himself very turned on. He could smell her from across the room also. Her essence assaulted his keen senses, she smelled slightly floral with fruity undertones. His loins began to burn brightly in her presence. << She could make a paper sack appealing, >> he said to himself quietly. " Scully...I was thinking...", he mused softly to her, not raising his eyes from where they lay in hiding. " A dangerous act at best Mulder...", she quipped amusingly, her resolve now strong and competent. She smiled brightly to herself, very proud of her quick save, as she continued to straighten the contents of her overnight. << I can do this... Just keep breathing and concentrate...>> She mused quietly. " Everyone seemed to think that we were together, if you know what I mean. What do you make of that? ", Mulder asked quietly, as he attempted to steer the conversation towards his topic of great interest. His eyes shone brightly with underhanded intent. " Mulder, people naturally seem to think that when they see a man and a woman together, they must be a couple. It's human nature." She said carefully, as to appear of matter of fact. She dismissed the uncomfortable topic and continued to adjust the contents of her carry all. " Yeah, I guess you're right... It's just so hard to constantly set them straight on the nature of our relationship, it gets to be tedious at times. She continued to fiddle with her belongings as she said convincingly " Uh, huh... tedious..." She felt the tension rise suddenly in the room, causing her to become very uncomfortable. " Scully ?", he asked softly, his voice almost in his puppy-dog tone which he knew she couldn't resist, his hazel eyes reflected the same thing. " Yeah? ", she said apprehensively, she could tell by the tone of his voice he was up to something. This wasn't good. Her Mulder radar was working at peak capacity. " I received a phone call, while you were in the bath," he said matter of fact, attempting to appear nonchalant, as he fiddled with the bed sheets he had twisted in his hands. "Mmmmm...", she said disinterested as she seemed to suddenly find great interest in her separate lingerie bag. She turned it over and examined it carefully. << She is getting nervous...>>, he thought to himself, slightly amused at her blatantly obvious behavior. If anything, he could usually read her physical presence like a book. " Shelia called, she wanted to thank us...", he said, as he closed the lap top and adjusted himself more comfortably upon her bed, the bed squeaking slightly under his shift of weight. " That's nice...", she said as she once again continued to examine the bag in question. Her shoulders tense from her physical suppression of her stress. " And...she told me what you said... I believe that it was something about a switch being turned on.", he said with an evil grin. His eyes shone brightly with mischief. Only silence answered his statement. << This is getting interesting...>>, he smiled to himself. " Scully, did you hear what I said?", he asked pleadingly. " Excuse me, I don't know what you are talking about.", she said as she began to rearrange her belongings in the suitcase. Her anxiety was beginning to grow, as she quickly tried to recall her and Shelia's discussion. << Oh God, he knows what I told her!!! >>, she silently screamed to herself. << Oh, God... What do I do? Stay clam girl, think...>> Beads of perspiration began to dot the smooth surface above her upper lip. " Yes, you do... You have spend the whole trip denying that there is nothing going on between us, yet you say this... Come on Scully, from what I heard it was quite a speech.", he said teasingly, as he enjoyed himself a little too much. " Mulder, all of the sappiness has made your brain go to mush... I was just discussing, ah... how her and Holman could be best friends, yet still have more than just friendly feelings for one another, a simply generic observation." << Good, going... Good save girl...>> " Come on Scully...", she heard his voice closer to her than it had been before. As she turned to face him, he stood directly in front her. He walked up and stood directly in her personal space. " From the impassioned speech you gave her, it seems to be that you might speaking from personal experience... You wouldn't happen to be talking about me, would you..." << Give it up... You're busted...>> Scully kept her eyes averted from him. Her heart began to pound in her chest. She felt herself at the ledge of a great abyss, looking down at the swirling center. Everything she had worked so hard to maintain, concerning her feelings for him were about to come crashing down around her. She was scared. Petrified. Her body began to shake, and her palms became moist as she tried to think of something to say. Mulder lifted her chin with his forefinger and thumb to meet his probing gaze. He could see the fear which was making her function as she was doing now, and he suddenly felt very bad for her. He had never meant to hurt her, he had only wanted to know the truth, but he knew that this had to be done, their undisclosed feelings for one another had to be dealt with once and for all. " Scully, did you mean what you told her?", he asked softly, his heart pleading for the truth. " Mulder, what she said was taken way out of context...", she said confidently, proud of her thoughtful comeback. She continued to gaze at the floor, in spite of his hand having lifted her face. << Please believe me... >> she pleaded silently. Mulder just stood there, his eyes continued to stare, totally unaffected by her obvious discomfort. " Muldeeeerrr..." she said very uncomfortably. She knew she was had, this was it. Her heart began to pound harder, her breathing become ragged with tension. " Dana...", he continued in a last ditch attempt to get her to open up. " * You are! *... All of these years, you have sublimated how you feel. You have been denying this to yourself, denying what you want." " Mulder, I think you have really lost it...", she said as she tried to walk away, her legs slow to respond. Mulder grabbed her tightly by her free arm nearest him, restraining her retreat. " Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.", he said with an evil grin " Mulder, let go of me! " , she said as she pulled against him, his touch caused shivers to run through her body. " No, I'm not letting you go...", he said sternly determined to end the charade for all time. " There is nothing to talk about...You are reading more into this than there is ", she said desperately. We are partners, nothing more. I know that. " She waved her free hand to make a point, as she became flustered more and more by the moment. " Scully, you really are the queen of denial. Give it up. All of this time I have wondered why you have stood by me, in spite of everything. Now, I know why, you did." he said softly as he realized finally the gravity of what he had been saying. She did love him. She had been thorough so much, just to prove it to him " Mulder...I", fear causing her voice to crack slightly. Her eyes began to dilate, the adrenaline cursing through her veins. " Scully, for once in your life, be honest with your feelings. You saw what it did to Holman, it nearly destroyed him. Let me in..." Mulder stroked her silken cheek softly as he revealed in the utter suppleness of it. " Who are you to tell me... who...what... How I feel. You don't even really know me. I'm just you partner, how dare..." " Scully, I do know who Dana Katherine Scully, the woman is. I know you better than you think," he finished as he took hand in his and stroked it gently with his thumb. " How can you, I...", she said flustered. Her panic from her ever deepening predicament causing her words to fail her miserably. " Trust me I know, besides stop trying to change the subject... You are really a piss poor liar. But you already know that. That is why you will not look at me with those gorgeous eyes, and tell me I'm wrong. You know they cannot lie to me. Scully, look at me...", his gaze pierced through her and quickly shattered her armor. " No...I", she said softly, as she tried to avoid complete eye contact. " Look at me... Let me in... let you heart tell me what you're lips are too afraid you utter.", he said softly with meaning. His eyes softened, his hand upon hers gently squeezed to reassure her. Scully looked at him, and she tried not to show how she felt, but her soul cried out for release. It was tired of hiding in self imposed shadows. They gazed at one another for a moment, her heart finally spoke honestly for the first time in years. Mulder smiled knowingly, his suspicions confirmed. He had seen love, pure unadulterated unconditional love gazing back at him. " See that wasn't so bad..." Scully tried to turn once again but Mulder pushed her against the wall. " Mulder?", she said softly. " Shhhh...Were you ever going to tell me how you felt?", he asked gently, he needed to know the full truth. " Mulder, you are reading into this more than there is.", her denial once again at work. She lifted her chin, and gazed sternly back at him. " Mmmm, I don't think so... You do love me...", he said smugly with a slight bit of surprise. A small proud grin, parted with perfect white teeth perched upon his visage. " Of course, I love you, you are my friend, my partner. I love you, as a fellow human being...You know * platonic * ", she said strongly trying to deflect the issue into much safer waters. " Platonic...huh Scully? You do protest too much. Mmmm, maybe I could test my assertion..." Holman did say to try it some time...", he said thoughtfully to himself, as he stepped forward to fill the space which surrounded her. " Test, what test? " she said confused. She was not sure where he was going with this, but her inner voice told her she was in big trouble. Mulder pressed his body against hers, his weight having effectively pinned her there. The feeling of her body molded to his, wreaked havoc with his loins and they suddenly became very aware. " Mulder, what are...?", she said shocked by his actions, fear evident in her shaky voice. His hard lean body pressed against hers caused her to find it difficult to take a deep breath. She felt a familiar warmth flood her loins, and start to burn in her chest. " A test, a simple test...not too hard, you cannot even study for it ", he said teasingly. As he said that, he brought his lips to hers, a gentle brush, hesitant and questioning. He had finally finished what they had started long ago. As Mulder touched his lips to hers, he felt himself quickly loosing control of the situation. The warmth and sheer closeness of her to him, drove him to seek her attentions more. Mulder took her lower lip in his mouth and nipped it gently, then he soothed the nip away with a gentle touch of his moist tongue. Scully was in shock.<< Oh, my God...>>, she said quietly as she felt him tug at her lip. As she fought off the fire which he had stoked within her with every ounce of strength that she possessed, she remained deathly still. She felt his hands twist into her hair as he tried to bring her closer to him in order to deepen the kiss. Suddenly Mulderís hand slid down the silken length of her from her hair, down her shoulders, along her arm, down to the curve of her hip, where he promptly caressed the gentle swell of her bottom. Scully felt her resolve slip, and she found herself, falling headlong into the fires which threatened to consume her. She moaned softly, and greedily opened her mouth to his, her tongue aching to meet his. Mulder had nearly given up, his attentions had not even caused her to waver a bit. But as he grasped her bottom in his strong hand, he felt her shiver and open up to him. " Yes...", he thought as he brought his tongue to hers, as he pressed her even further against the wall. Mulder gently explored the lush uncharted garden that was Scully. He ran his tongue across her teeth, along the top of the roof of her mouth, and along the silken walls of his newly found paradise. He found himself delving deeper and deeper into her, her tongue meeting his with equal force and curiosity. She tasted just as he had imagined, like cinnamon and apples. Sweet yet tart. He could taste the toothpaste on her breath, and the combination caused his desire to fan brightly in her awe-inspiring presence. Scully suddenly became lost in his kiss. She felt herself loosing control and her desire drove her to reach up on tip toe, to deepen their contact. His tongue drove her mad, his touch inflamed her as she felt his hand grasp her bottom and knead it gently as he pressed himself strongly against her. His other hand remained twisted in her hair, to angle her head even further. His tongue again found her lower lip, and he stroked it gently. Scully quickly brought her hands, which had been trapped between them, up to tangle into his dark hair. She continued to meet his tongue, stroke for stroke, caress for caress, her self control a long forgotten memory in her past. In spite of her physical bodies obvious reaction to his attentions, she found her mind becoming logical and thoughtful, much to her chagrin. Although he was kissing her for all he was worth, she still had no idea what he felt towards her. If she had been in her right mind, she would have called it of, right then and there. She would have gotten him to tell her his thoughts, and then go from there. For better or worse. But she was not in her right mind. And she knew it. So, she took her inner conscience aside and threw it in the closet where she had buried her feelings for him for so long, and shut it away. She took a chance, and went with it. Scully his partner, stepped aside and Dana the woman, stepped forth and took control of her situation. She needed this. She wanted this. << Just do it Dana... Just this one time...Stop being a good girl and take what you want.>> Scully displaced her hands down from his hair, as she attempted to seek out the fire which she knew his flesh would be, trying to for once, to warm her chilled and lonely soul. She found his T-shirt, tucked into his jeans, and attempted to pull it from his waist band, as she tugged fiercely at it. Once she had lifted it up, she tenderly stroked the well defined musculature of his abs. Mulder unwillingly disentangled himself from her. He had not wanted to push her that far. They still had so much more to discuss. They needed some time to think, and decide where to go from here. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20, and he knew that his overwhelming need for her had, had caused him to force his attentions upon her, precluding him from all logical judgment. He stepped back, his sea touched hazel meeting her deep azure blue, and he saw something there he didn't recognize. Something that shook him down to the very depths of his soul, with the intensity of it. It swam across the sea blue depths of the twin mirrors of her soul, clouding her normally intense gaze, making it seem lost, unfocused. Her face was flushed crimson, her lush lips already showing signs of bruising from his ardor. " Shit," he muttered out loud, trying to compose himself. He ran his fingers through his mussed hair and said rather softly, " Sorry, I shouldn't have done that... That was a mistake..." He felt tremendous guilt for having manipulated her feelings like that, and then having taken advantage of her. Nausea rushed through his tortured soul, his disdain becoming very evident upon his lineaments. Scully looked back at him, her eyes met something she had never seen in a man's eyes concerning her before. Revulsion. Disgust. Disdain. << Oh...My...God...I repulse him...>>, she thought sadly. She had been so caught up in her kiss with him that she had forgotten. << He had never told me how he felt...>> << Oh, God...What have I done? He only kissed me to prove his point, and nothing else. Then I end up throwing myself at him...>> Suddenly the pathos she had just been feeling, grew exponentially, and it swallowed her soul into the oncoming darkness. Scully felt burning hot tears of rejection and pain fill her eyes, threatening to escape them. As Mulder stepped away from her as he shook ever so slightly. Scully made a hasty retreat and ran for the relative security of the bath room. She slammed it behind her and locked the mechanism securely. Scully slid down to the floor, as she attempted to hold back the stinging tears from her abandoned soul. Mulder turned to look at the bathroom door and he realized the final walls had been erected between them for good. In his need to prove his assertion and to her to admit how she really felt, he had forced his attentions upon her. He had forced his will upon hers. Mulder felt his anger at himself build up, and spill over into his soul from his heart, like flaming hot lava. He needed to get away, he needed some time and space to think. He needed to find the right words to fix the mortal wounds he had inflicted upon her. Mulder ripped off his jeans and grabbed his sweats out of his overnight, pulling them up violently around his slender waist. He slipped on his sneakers and ran to the door. He pulled it open and then slammed it behind him. ************************************************* Scully sat shakily upon the cold tiled surface of the bathroom floor. She had never imagined, in a thousand lifetimes, the utter rejection and disdain which he reflected upon her. << Am I that repulsive?>> She had always known she was not his type, but to react so strongly to her attentions, after he had started it never the less. << If he wanted to see me react, to prove his point, he should have thought about the consequences.>> He had proven his point with a well sharpened sword, and when he was done, he had thrown her away like a used rag.<< I should have known this would have happened. I have ruined everything. Our friendship, our partnership... Everything. >> Scully knew, she had to get the hell out of there. She couldn't stay there knowing fully that she had thrown herself at him in such a way. She couldn't face the humiliation. She couldn't face seeing his true feelings about her written upon his beautiful face. She stood up quickly as she formulated a plan of retreat which would make any retreating army proud. She had heard him leave a while ago, and she knew that she didn't have much time. She grabbed her toiletries, and opened the door. She rushed over to her carry all, and unceremoniously ripped out a pair of black pants and a soft sweater. She hurriedly removed her Pjís and rather ungracefully put the other articles of clothing on. She jammed her feet into her boots, the only footwear she currently had with her, and she then quickly grabbed the rest of her things and threw them into the bag. She grabbed the rental keys off of the night stand, and made a rush for the door, as she tried to juggle her belongings along the way. Scully opened the door, and nearly walked directly into a very sweaty and very much calmer Mulder. Mulder assayed the situation, and blocked her exit, as he said quietly to himself, << Shit, she is gonna leave me... think of something>> " Scully, where are you going?", he asked carefully, his voice low and soothing, as he tried to lull her obviously emotional state. In actuality his mind raced in a thousand different directions. Scully, once again found his mere presence distracting. His T-shirt was damp and it clung mercilessly to his frame. Her heart broke all over again, knowing she would never know him in that way, or in any other way any longer. She suddenly realized that this was it. " Uh... Mulder, I'm sorry...", she muttered as she tried to walk around him. " Scully?", he asked softly, as he caught her leaving, by the crook of her arm. " Mulder, I cannot stay here...", she said her voice barely above a whisper. She looked up at him, her face pleading silently with him. Her eyes were full of pain and rejection. " Scully, please wait... I need..." Suddenly her anger began to build, and it spilled over into her heated words. " Wasn't that what this was all about. Your needs. Your need to prove your theory. To prove how I felt. You self righteous sanctimonious bastard. You hurt me. What you did. You stripped me of the one thing that I hadn't lost yet, my self respect." " Scully?" " You listen to me for once. I have done it all for you... I have lied for you, laid it on the line for you, I have destroyed my credibility and my reputation. I have given it all up for you. I thought that counted for something. Instead you had to pry into my inner most feelings and thoughts. Something I do not share readily. Now you know why. People use your weaknesses against you, just like you did. If you knew, how I felt and didn't reciprocate, you should have just left well enough alone. I never expected anything from you. You should have realized my reaction, would have been, well strong. I mean... All of this time I have wished... hoped... dreamed of how I would tell you and how we would be together. Oh God... You didn't appear to be exactly repulsed by her kiss, am I that unappealing...", she said sadly, her voice soft and hurt. " Scully, be still for a moment ", he interrupted her sternly, << she honestly believes that I rejected her, she really does not get it, does she ? Of course not * stupid *, you never told her >>. " No, I need...", she muttered angrily. Her deep blue eyes glittered brightly. " Scully, you honestly believe that I was repulsed by you. You believe that I didn't want... that I...", he managed to utter as his disbelief took over his rational thought. " But you stopped...The way you looked after...", she said her voice full of confusion, her tone husky and low. " Scully, Jesus...Nothing about you could ever spurn me. I was appalled with myself, and how I treated you, I forced my self upon you. " Mulder, did I once ever say * no * ", she said softly, her voice lilting and wistful. Her face lit up with a inner glow which could stop a train. " Well...no", he said thoughtfully. " I thought you understood how I felt, how I reacted... I mean I am out of practice, but I thought that I wasn't that bad ", she said as her deep blue eyes flashed with amusement. " You are not angry with me?", he asked hopefully, his eyes full of unspoken promises and dreams. " Oh, God Mulder... I was surprised at first. But... Mulder, I think that we need to talk ", she said as she dropped her stuff to the floor. She took his hand and as she tugged him inside, she swung the door closed behind them. They walked over to the bed, both sat down next to one another, their bodies molded together perfectly, from their shoulders, to their hips. " Scully?...", not sure where she was going with this, but from the look on her face, it appeared to not be bad. " Mulder, I should have told this to you long ago, but I was so afraid they would use this against us to get to you. I didn't want to lose you, not as a partner, and not especially as a friend. You mean so much to me. I...love you. I think that I have loved you since the first day we met. " Scully took his hands in hers, light framed the dark, the balance of life and of all the things which exist in the infinite universe. She continued, her voice soft and loving, her face lit with an inner peace which stirred within him great love. " The seeds were planted that day, and they have grown from an immature infatuation, to an all encompassing, transcendental type of love. You are everything to me. You are my life. You are my faith, my very reason for continuing this fight sometimes. The only time I feel safe is when I am with you, I...", her voice broke off, as it trailed softly into silence. Her emotions were swirling so violently that she needed a moment to gather herself. She looked down at her lap and tried to force back the tears which threatened to fall. Mulder looked down at their still endlessly entwined hands, his voice spoke soft and honeyed." Scully, Dana... I cannot believe that you feel they same way about me that I feel about you. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I only wish that I had told you earlier, but I was to afraid. All of my life, I have searched for the truths, hidden in the dark shadows, covered up by governmental conspiracies. However, I only had to look as far as right next to me. You are my truth. I meant what I said to you before. You complete me, make me feel whole, you validate me in every way. You make me strong, and keep me honest. God, Scully... I love you too, so very much." Scully looked back into his eyes, cerulean blue meeting his sea drenched hazel, frozen for all time, their years of unspoken love and desire finally embraced the light, for the first time. Her eyes twinkled with tears of joy as they graced his, with their life. She touched his lightly stubbled cheek with her slight, finely boned hand. " Mulder ?", she said with that uncertain smile that had graced her face once before, in the dimly lit hallway on the eve of their first kiss. Mulder brought his hands to her silken cheeks as he brushed away the single tear which had gracefully fallen from her deep blue eyes. Mulder leaned in to her, to brush a kiss upon her slightly furrowed brow and drew back slightly. He smiled brightly, a smile which graced this world with light and salvation. They leaned toward each other once again, and their lips met. Their symphony, strong and true, ascended to the celestial heavens, and flowed through the oneness that connects all things and preserves the balance of the natural order. Their love, a shining moment of hope upon all of us can draw strength and faith. All that we ever need. Finis So what do you think? Joylynn at aljoyw@a-znet.com