The C'Files, by JeChant@aol.com I refuse to insult you all by repeating my shpiel, so cover your ears for a minute. These characters are property of Twentieth Century Fox and Chris Carter, write me if you like it, hate it, couldn't care less about it... Okay, open your ears now and begin to read! 17 November 1995 Today marked the end of our strange case, the case of a man who kidnapped young girls and kept them hidden in his cellar. I'm not sure why, but Mulder became emotionally involved in the case. He completely believed Lucy's story, which I must admit left me confused, maybe even a little hurt. After Lucy was taken to the morgue, Mulder left in a huff. I tried to ask what was wrong, but he pulled away and drove off. I just don't understand his behavior. At first I assumed that he had the emotional ties to the case because the victims were taken from their homes during the night, as was his sister. However, when I asked Mulder if that was the case he acted angry and hurt. He's been pulling away ever since. I don't know what's going on in his mind, but I hope he resolves it soon. I suppose I may not understand it because I was not a very active party in the case. It belonged to another agent. Mulder alienated the poor man with his idea that Amy and Lucy were physically connected, and I spent the majority of the time making phone calls and talking with the man, trying to keep them from taking Mulder off the case. He's made more enemies and skeptics during this whole mess, which is quite a feat, considering I assumed that everyone already thought he was a 'spooky' freak. Anyway, things are pretty much over with the case. The abductor is dead. Amy retains little memory of her captivity, but is working with a psychiatrist, and is expected to return to her school soon. The only part of the case that remains, to me, unsolved, is Mulder's bizarre behavior. He actually cried over Lucy's body. I've never seen him like this. Even when his friend Reggie was killed for revenge against Mulder, he did not cry. I need to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure how. Our partnership has brought us so close that I can say with all certainty that Mulder is my best friend, but yet the professional aspect creates a barrier in the personal one. I feel that I can't display my fears to him, because they are not professional. That ended up causing a big problem in that damned Pfaster case, but I just can't. I hate the whole male-protects-female stereotypical relationship, and that's what inevitably happens. Mulder always feels like he has to protect me. Now I wonder if he has the same fear. I think that he does feel the relationship between the case and doesn't want me to know. A lot of our cases dredge up his old memories of Samantha's abduction, and I think he's afraid that I will think he cannot do any work for the FBI without it having some relation to his sister. The truth is, I DO often feel like I have to protect him. I know the trauma he experienced, and I'm always hesitant to take a case that would make him relive the ordeal. I really want to discuss this with him, but there is that ever-present professional stumbling block. I rarely get through the strong facade, and when I do it makes me afraid. Afraid of what I see on his inside. But I know that I must talk to him about it, and get him to move on. 18 November 1995 Today (two days ago, actually, I'm writing this on the 20th) was totally unexpected, but wonderful. I went to Mulder's house around three o'clock, to see how he was. When he opened the door I wanted to cry. His eyes were red and bleary, his face unshaven. He had an old bathrobe on, and well, he looked like hell. We went in and sat down. I asked him if he wanted to talk, and he didn't answer. We sat in silence for a minute. Then he said, very quietly, "Scully, what's 'colitis'?" I told him I had never heard of it. He mused over this for a moment, then said he had heard it in a song. I asked what song, and he said "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." I must admit I was puzzled. I know that song pretty well. So I asked him which part. He looked at me kind of funny, then sang, very seriously, "The girl with colitis goes by." I started to laugh. "No, no, it's 'The girl with kaleidoscope eyes', Mulder." I giggled helplessly. He glared at me, then laughed too. Then he quieted. "I used to think it was 'kaleidoscope', but Samantha said it was colitis." He looked at me curiously. "Didn't that come out after she was taken? Maybe it was during that time..." He stopped, then blushed. I asked what time, and he waited a while before answering. "For some years after Samantha was abducted, I could hear her talking to me as I slept. We had conversations, told jokes, teased each other..." Mulder looked at me as though he were sure I thought he was crazy. I let out the breath I'd been holding, and begged him to go on. This was something he'd never told anyone, and I was cherishing this insight into my partner's thoughts and feelings. "This went on every night, until I went away to school. Then it was once a week, a month... Once I didn't hear from her for a year, and it really scared me. I thought that if she was talking to me, then she was still alive. Then she spoke to me again, and I cried from sheer relief... I still hear from her, now and then." He paused. "I guess that's what keeps me going. She's always asking me to find her." Mulder and I sat there, in his living room, for over ten minutes. He was relieved and happy, that he had finally told someone, and that they had believed him. I was glad that he had trusted me enough to share this with me. Suddenly he jumped up, and said he had an idea. I asked him what it was, and he just smiled mysteriously. He told me to go home, get a pair of pajamas, a sleeping bag, and a pillow, and to come back in an hour. Against my better judgment, I did, because that light that had been missing from his eyes was back. So I went to my apartment, gathered the stuff, and realized I had another forty minutes to kill. So I went to the Disney Store and bought Dopey slippers and Mickey Mouse sunglasses. I'm not sure why, even now. Then I changed into pajamas, the slippers, and the sunglasses, and went to Mulder's apartment. Luckily I had a long trench coat on, or people would have called my appearance an X-File. I went to his door, took off the coat, and rang the doorbell. He opened the door and nearly fell down laughing. So did I. Mulder was wearing pajamas, Goofy slippers, and the same sunglasses. We went inside, and I looked around in amazement. He had bowls of junk food everywhere, and stacks of rented movies on the television set. I turned to him, and he smiled. "Welcome to our sleepover!" I laughed, and scolded him. The amount of fat in the room from the snacks was more than found on an elephant. He grinned, and pulled out a tiny bowl of carrot and celery sticks. I took the bowl, and calmly threw the contents down the trash. "It's a sleepover, Mulder!" I said. "You're supposed to eat junk." We laughed some more. I haven't seen him so happy in a long long time. We spread out our sleeping bags, popped popcorn, and looked at the movies he had selected. It was typical Mulder. E.T., The Twilight Zone, Close Encounters of the Third Kind...there were tons of them. He came in and asked what I thought. "This one is too scary," I said, holding up a My Little Ponies video. He smiled and said he had been afraid I wouldn't like the other ones. We turned out the lights, snuggled in our respective bags (I half wished I had forgotten mine), and began the moviefest. We kept daring each other to watch another one, until it was the next day, and we had watched every single one. He asked when my mom would pick me up, and we laughed some more. I got my things, went to the door, and gave him a big hug. "Thanks, Scully," he said. "No," I said, "thank YOU." We hugged again and I left, still smiling. I wasn't sure how he would act today, at work. After all, partners don't usually have sleepovers. I walked into my office, and he was sitting there, in my chair, wearing the Mickey sunglasses. I laughed, and knew everything was going to be okay.