Disclaimer:  Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are the
property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and
Fox Broadcasting.  No infringement is intended.
The character of Tessa Mulder is the property of
the author, Diana Alexander.

Classifications: SA

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Shortly after the case that brought
Phoebe Green to the States is over, Mulder's
cousin Tessa drops in and changes his perception
on things.

*    *    *    *    *
Blindly Searching
By: Diana Alexander
(di_mulder@hotmail.com)
*    *    *    *    *

"You bitch!  Get out of my house!  Get out of my
life!  I never want to see your lying ass again!"

Tessa Lynn Mulder ran out of her Georgian home
and to her car.  With shaking hands, she unlocked
the door and climbed inside.  Backing out of the
driveway, she left part of the tires on the road
in front of the house as she hit the accelerator
on the car.  As the RPMs on the car rose, she
felt a strange feeling of peace.  'I feel the
need... the need for speed...'

As she made her way toward the interstate, Tessa
pried one of her hands off the steering wheel,
and brushed the tears streaming from her eyes
away from her face.  The confrontation between
her and her mother was nothing new, but it had
become nearly routine, and Tessa was sick of it.
No doubt she'd be blamed for the coffee stains on
the carpet, where she'd dodged the hot liquid.
Her ankle throbbed where she'd been hit by some
of the coffee, but otherwise she was uninjured.

This time.

When she was younger, Tessa's reaction to this
was to run as fast as her legs and feet would
carry her.  It wouldn't matter where she ended up
or how tired she was.  It was the fact that she
was somewhere else.  Then she would stop and try
to figure out where she was, relaxing despite
herself.

Nothing had changed except the mode of
transportation.  She was still running, but the
vibration of the vehicle she rode in reminded her
that she could get a lot farther in a shorter
amount of time.

So she kept her eyes on the road and drove,
allowing her mind to blank out and only stopped
for gas and traffic obstructions.  She was
northbound toward the nation's capital.  She had
family there.  She could stay there for a while,
and heal.

Her cousin, Fox Mulder, had been fierce with his
overprotective nature.  Shortly after he had
returned to the States from Oxford, he had seen
what occurred between her and his Aunt Elaina.
She had never seen him so furious...

She shook her head, driving the thoughts away,
and allowed the highway to beckon her away
from the past she'd left behind from the moment
she ran out that door.

*    *    *    *    *

Fox Mulder flipped on the television and noticed
the news was on.  It was only a few short weeks
ago that the monster bitch from his past had
blown through like a hurricane.  A grimace
crossed his face; he had thought that Phoebe
Green was a part of his past.  Obviously he was
wrong.

Images of boring politicians and murder flashed
across the screen in a study of contrasts, and he
allowed his mind to wander... inevitably to his
partner of less than one year.  Dana Scully.  He
had felt an instantaneous attraction to her then,
and desired to trust her.  His past wouldn't let
him, but slowly she made her way inside of him,
and wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried
to make her leave.

A smile crossed his face.  Her jealousy was
tangible in this past case, and he was thankful
for her presence, else Phoebe probably would have
sucked him in again, and messed up his mind past
redemption.  She had kept him grounded in
reality, so Phoebe had left without any more
damage done to his mind.

A knock at the door startled him out of his
reverie, and a tear-filled voice called out,
"Fox?  Fox, are you home?  Please, let me in...
it's Tess..." The knock came again, softer this
time, and he rose from the couch, and walked to
the door.

He looked down at her when he opened the door.
Her hair fell around her shoulders chaotically,
as though she had been caught in a whirlwind.
Despite her height, she looked no older than
maybe twelve, mostly due to her lost expression.
Then she tilted her head up, and looked at him.

"Fox... Momma hurt me again..."

He pulled her into the apartment and against him,
and let her cry.  That was the most startling
change in Tess when something like this happened.
Tessa was often seen as the walking-talking
encyclopedia of eclectic interests, and speaking
with a comprehension much higher than that of
your average teenager.  However, when she was
sent into this hyperemotional state, she spoke
more like a ten year old, the pain stealing her
intellectualism and leaving a shell behind.

She pulled away then, and gave him a weak smile,
"Sorry about this, Fox, but Mother kicked me out
of the house--"

"Again?!" Mulder was instantly furious.

"Yeah, and I need somewhere to crash for a little
while.  Not long, mind you, but long enough to
heal a little bit."

"Just so you can go back and make the attempt to
change things that aren't going to change," he
sighed. "Well, you know where the spare--"

"No, Fox... I need the couch.  I need something
to put my back up against," she paused, and
looked up at him again. "Y'know... you and I are
more alike than I think you realize."

"How so?"

"You have your search for the immortal truth, and
I... I'm blindly searching for the answer to the
question 'why?'  We're both blindly searching for
answers to questions that are almost rhetorical
in nature, yet we have to.  And I'm rambling
again," she sighed. "I think I'll grab a blanket
and sack out for a while."

Mulder watched as Tessa walked down the hallway
into the guest bedroom where she'd always stayed
before now.  She walked out with a pale blue
blanket, and started getting ready to get some
sleep.  He just watched her, and wonderedÖ was
she really right?  Were they that much alike in
their searches?  It was impossible to know for
sure, but he saw some truth in her ramblings.

When she finally slept, he watched the light from
the television play off her hair, and finally
knelt down beside her in a protective stance.
That had been his role with Tess for so long, and
he had no trouble in continuing it.  After a
while, he fell asleep in his awkward position,
but he slept well for the first time in recent
memory...

*    *    *    *    *

Early the next morning, the half-ajar door swung
open to reveal Dana Scully standing with a smile
on her face at the vision of her partner draped
over a woman asleep on the couch.  Mulder had
talked about his cousin Tessa enough for her not
to worry, even though after their most recent
visitor, she had reason to.  She walked into the
darkened apartment and closed the door softly
behind her.  At that slight noise, he jolted
awake.

"What?  Who's there?"

"Mulder, it's meÖ"

"How did you get in, Scully?  I don't remember
giving you my key..."

"The door was ajar, Mulder, and I just walked
in..."

"God..." he ran his hand through his hair. "When
Tessa arrived here yesterday, I didn't even think
about closing the door."

"Understandible, Mulder, but why is she here?"

"More family problems."

"Mulder, what happened?"

"It isn't my place to tell you that," he said as
he pulled himself up off the floor with a sigh.
"Ugh, I think I have a cramp in my back..."

A muffled voice came from the couch, "Serves
you right, FoxÖ I never asked you to protect me
while I slept, just to let me stay here a while.
I know I'm safe here.  Well, more safe than at
home, anyway."

"TessaÖ"

"I'm awake now," she sat up, and gave him an
irritable look. "It's about time I was up anyway.
Oh, I'm sorryÖ" she trailed off as she rose from
the couch, and approached Scully. "Hmm, you
must be Dana Scully.  I've heard a lot about you,
and from the way Fox talks, you must be either
his lover or a very close friend," Tessa grinned
mischievously as Mulder groaned, burying his head
in his hands, and Scully laughed.

"Tessaaaa..."

"Oh, hush, Fox.  You just wait and see... I'll be
right..." she smirked at him, and he groaned
again.

Scully shook her head at Tessa. "Really, Tessa,
we're just friends.  Close friends, for sure, and
partners, but nothing more.  I know your cousin
has other occupations other than chasing after
me." Scully grinned teasingly at her partner, and
Tessa laughed.

"All right," Tessa smiled at Scully. <... for
now...> she thought silently as she looked at
them standing across from her.  She sighed and
ran a hand through her hair, "I think I'm going
to take a walk.  I need some fresh air and time
to think. D'ye mind?"

"No, go aheadÖ" Mulder looked at her intensely
for a moment. "Tessa, are you going to be all
right?"

"At this point, Fox, I don't know, but as soon as
I find out, I'll let you know," she sighed, and
brushed past them to walk out the door.  She
closed the door behind her, leaving Mulder and
Scully in his apartment alone.

"So, what's going on?" she asked him. "Just
enough to let me know what to expect.  I mean,
when I came over this morning to get started on
our new case, I didn't exactly expect to see you
draped across a young woman I'd never seen
before.  Besides, Mulder, I thought you went for
older women..."

"Very funny, ScullyÖ" Mulder ran his hands
through his hair again, "It's a long story, but
my mother's sister went through a lot in her
life, andÖ well, since she had no place else to
vent it all on, she vented on her only child,
Tessa.  It got to the point where I was the only
person Tess could run to, and she usually does,
then she goes back to try to change things that
she can't.  It frustrates me."

"Mulder, if that's the truth, than you and your
cousin have a lot in common.  You both frustrate
those who are close to you so much with your
respective quests."

"Y'know, Scully, she said that to me earlier
today."

"She sounds like a wise person.  Maybe you should
listen."

"Maybe I shouldÖ maybe I should..."

*    *    *    *    *

Tessa walked down the sidewalk with her hands
slung into the pockets of her stonewashed denim
jeans.  She blew at her bangs, which had chosen
that moment to fall into her eyes so she couldn't
see.  Her mouth twisted into a half-frown as she
started thinking.

For as long as she could remember, she had been
used to the yanks on her hair that had caused her
to run out to the hairdresser and hack off over
half of her long black mane, leaving her hair
about the length of Scully's hair.  She had
thought that maybe if Mother didn't have as much
to yank on, then maybe she'd stop.  Another wrong
assumption from the brainiac of the family.

She walked into a small park across the street
and sat down on a bench.  There was a small
fountain that she watched for a while until she
heard footsteps behind her.

Dana Scully chuckled as she asked her, "Hey, is
this seat taken?"

"Nope... but I must tell you that I'm
experiencing violent impulses."

"Sounds like something your cousin would say."

"It is.  Where do you think I got it from?"

"Ah," Scully's lips twitched in a smile. "I must
remember to try that on him someday."

"He might enjoy it," Tessa sighed. "I know why
you're here.  You want to know what happened, and
you have to ask me because Fox refuses to tell
someone else my story, right?"

Scully sat down next to her and sighed, "That's
one of the reasons, yes."

"Dana, I'm only sixteen, and I feel like I'm in
my twenties or thirties.  I can't even talk to
people my own age without them thinking I'm a
freak.  I have no friends, and people I do talk
to only ridicule me behind my back.  I take it
back.  I do have one friend.  Your partner and my
cousin."

"Tessa, I'm listening..."

"My past sets me apart in an obvious way, and I
need to heal from that.  Fox won't be around to
protect me from it forever, and although the
person behind the pain won't be there forever,
either, the pain itself will live on long after
she's passed away.  Dana, I can't live my life
like that, scared of what's behind every corner,
or trusting no one because I think they might
hurt me."

"All I can tell from your cousin is that he's
overprotective of you and me both, he's angry
about what's been done to you, even through his
own pain... but he's willing to protect your
secret even from me.  You know, Tessa, talking
about what happened might make it easier."

"Okay..." Tessa sighed. "The first time Fox
caught her, it was a couple of months after he
had graduated from Oxford.  He was on his way to
Quantico as the best and brightest potential
Agent the Bureau had seen in quite some time.
Then he came to Georgia to see me for a while...
and caught her..."

"What was she doing?"

"I had been reading a book instead of cleaning
out the dishwasher or some other chore she had
assigned me, so she yanked me out of the chair by
my braid so she could punch me in the stomach,
cursing me out the entire time.  Fox walked in
then, and distracted her.  The moment her
attention was diverted, I got to my feet and
ran.

"It was about a mile later that I realized that I
had ran out of the house without any shoes on my
feet.  I think I messed up a couple of ligaments
in my foot, but I didn't know it because my legs
were burning and my feet were numb.  I was in
front of the middle school, and I just sank down
on the sidewalk.  Some fifteen minutes later, Fox
showed up in his car and told me we were going
for a drive."

"It was summertime and the roads she had run on
had burned her feet.  I had a pair of her socks
and an old pair of sandals from the last time I
had visited her and she'd left them in my car,"
Mulder's voice came from behind both of them. "I
was so furious I was shaking."

Tessa offered a half-smile to her cousin and
continued the story, "He took me to
Baskin-Robbins, and got me an ice cream cone.
Then we rode out to the park, found a picnic
bench, and sat talking for a while.  I think I'm
surprised that he didn't kill her.  He wanted me
to come and live with him in Alexandria, but I
told him no.  I wasn't old enough to make that
choice yet since I was only eight or nine."

"You told me that you'd consider it when you were
old enough."

"Fox, I'm still only 16."

"You're old enough that you can make the
choice... or at least get away from your mother
for a while.  I'm not sure it would be questioned
if you told her that you were going to stay with
me for a while."

"I have school in Georgia."

"Stop making excuses!" Fox yelled at her
suddenly, but stopped when Scully laid a hand on
his arm.

"Mulder, she has to work through this in her own
way.  You can't force her to stay with you... or
me, either.  It's a choice she has to make for
herself."

"Thank you, Dana," Tessa took a deep breath and
continued, "Fox, I appreciate your concern, and I
take it seriously.  However, it's almost the end
of the school year in Georgia.  When the summer
comes, I will apply to a private school here, if
there are some available that will accept me.
When that happens, I will move in with you
temporarily, Fox, but until then, I will live at
home."

"All right..."

"However, Fox, if any of your work comes
ransacking the apartment, I'm moving into the
dorms at the private school.  Agreed?"

"Agreed," Mulder grumbled in response.

"Now for the rest of the weekend, I think I'll
hole up in your apartment and get some sleep.
You two go off and take care of your little case
and don't mind me," Tessa grinned. "And if you
two start smoochin', definitely don't mind me."

"Tessa!" Mulder and Scully said in unison with
matching exasperated expressions.

"Hey, it was worth a try!" Tessa laughed, and
waved as she walked away, her heart feeling a lot
lighter than when this journey began.  She wasn't
healed yet, but she was on her way to recovery.
Mulder and Scully sat there and watched her walk
away.

"You love her, don't you?"

"She's my cousin, Scully.  Of course I love her.
I worry..."

"What did you two talk about?"

"A lot of things.  She begged me to take her to
have her hair cut so that Aunt Elaina wouldn't
have so much to pull on.  I agreed.  She's just
now starting to grow it out again." Mulder
surprised Scully by reaching out and brushing a
strand of her own hair out of her face. "It was
just about as long as yours is now."

"Is she going to make it, Mulder?"

"I think so, Scully.  I really do.  She's a
survivor..."

*    *    *    *    *

-End-