Title: Ashes & Bitter Memories
Author: Sarah (everlasting16@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG
Category:
Spoilers: The End, but only vague
Summary: What were Mulder and Scully thinking when the office was
burned down? And What happened immediately after the camera cut away?
Archive: Gossamer. I'm posting to EMXC, too. Anywhere else, please
ask, or let me know
Disclaimer: If Mulder and Scully belonged to me, the last thing I'd be
doing is sitting and writing things like this. They're the property of
CC, 1013 Productions and Fox. Gee, don't we know it?!! Entertainment,
not profit, yada, yada, yada!!!!
Feedback: Yea please! If you loved it, hated it, or even just read it,
please let me know at everlasting16@yahoo.com
Notes: Expect more fanfic from me in the future. I hope you like this
one.



Ashes & Bitter Memories by Sarah


"Everything I've ever done and everything I've ever said is gone and
dead" - Smashing Pumpkins


Scully walked into the office located in the basement to find
everything had been gutted. The filing cabinet which was home to
Mulder's lifetime of work was burnt to a crisp. Nothing remained but
ashes and bitter memories. Memories of cases; her own abduction;
arguments with her partner; conflicts with herself.

Mulder stood motionless in front of her. How could she comfort him?
Everything he'd ever worked for had gone up in flames, nothing she
could say would make anything any better. Nothing she could say would
ease his pain.

She looked up at him, but he was emotionless. Still and restrained.
Even when she placed her hands on his arms, he didn't respond; or
perhaps he couldn't. Scully didn't know what to do or say, so she laid
her head against his shoulder. Anything more would have looked like
pity. Anything less would have haunted her.

Scully felt so desperately sad. Not because of the office or
everything within it, but because of what it would do to Mulder: this
man who had devoted so much of his life to his work. And now it was
gone. She had to be there for him. He had no-one else. He trusted her
with his life.

The tears started to well up in Scully's eyes and she knew nothing
would be the same again. In fact, she was scared. Scared of what the
future would bring; scared of how she may respond to it, but most of
all, she was scared for Mulder. After all her mixed up feelings about
Diana Fowley, Scully was the one who was there for him now; when he
needed her. Always. She was always there, no matter what.

Mulder could feel Scully against him. He could sense her trying to
think what to say. He didn't want her to say anything. He didn't know
what to say himself. His feelings were numbed and nothing was sinking
in. Mulder thought about the quest he was on. He thought about his
sister; his family; his father who he had never properly grieved for.
But, mainly he thought about Scully; this person holding him now, who
was always there. This wonderful human being who was unrelentless,
strong and powerful. Scully, his partner. Scully, his friend.

How could he tell her? After everything she'd been through; everything
she had sacrificed; all the words that had passed between them, what
could he say? The thing that frightened him more than anything was
letting her down. He was scared of letting her go; scared of losing her.

He remembered her strength and courage while she was fighting her
cancer and then he thought of how weak he had been: too scared to
really comfort her, like she was comforting him now. Too consumed by
his personal quest for the truth to stay with her when the disease had
progressed into her bloodstream. This person who knew him so well; who
could read him like a book was his lifeline. She kept him going and he
couldn't take it for granted that she'd be around forever. She had her
own life and he'd be selfish to deprive her of it.

Yet, here was his office; all of his work burnt to a crisp. Everything
he had ever worked for, everything he'd ever proven was gone.
Everything he had ever cared about had been taken from him. Only ashes
and bitter memories remained.

It was at this point that Mulder finally embraced Scully and he made a
pledge to himself to never, ever let her go.

end.