Disclaimer

As always, the characters of Mulder and Scully belong to 
Chris Carter, 1013 productions, the Fox Network, David 
Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and whomever else I am 
forgetting.  I am not or never will claim them as my own.  
This story is written for EMXC and can only be distributed 
with my consent.  Feel free to ask, I would probably say 
yes.

I must thank all the writers for the last couple of episodes.  
They have made me cry, and they have inspired me.  I bow 
to you all.  I must also thank Sarah McLachlan for her 
inspiration.  The song, "Hold On" is property of Sarah 
McLachlan and Arista music.

This story was written in a hurry.  I had to write it.  It was 
in my head begging to get out. It was inspired by the 
episode Memento Mori, and is a relationship piece.  So, for 
all of you have read the disclaimer, here is the story.......  
(rated PG-13).


We Will See Another Day
by Liz Novak  ernovak@aol.com
Started and Ended on 2/10/97

Mulder's Apartment
2:07am

     Mulder awoke to the phone ringing.  Without even 
opening his eyes, he reached above his head and grabbed it.  
"Yeah"  he grunted into the phone.  It had been a long 
week. Scully had been in the hospital, and he was trying to 
find a way to save her.  He needed to save her.  It was his 
fault that she was in this predicament in the first place.  At 
first, all he heard was quiet sobbing into the phone.  He 
knew immediately who it was.  Scully.

     "Mulder.......Can you...?"  She didn't have to finish her 
sentence.  He knew what she wanted.  He also knew that it 
was hard for her to ask.  Scully was one who truly believed 
that she could handle almost anything on her own, but 
Mulder knew her better than that.

     "I'll be right there."  Mulder whispered as he hung up the 
phone, and grabbed his leather jacket from the side of the 
couch.  In his rush to get out the door, he almost forgot to
put his shoes on.


Scully's Apartment
2:40am

     Scully was sitting in her bed crying.  She couldn't stop 
herself.  She kept telling herself that this wasn't what she 
should be doing.  She should be fighting harder, she should 
be doing anything but sitting alone and crying.  Not only 
that, but she had called Mulder.  She made a promise to 
herself that she would not burden him with this.  She 
couldn't let him watch her slowly die.  She would just be 
another person in his life who would leave him.  She 
jumped when she heard the quiet knocking on her door.

     "Scully, it's me, let me in."  Mulder called through the 
door.  He was worried now, he had been knocking for 
almost a minute, and she still had not come to the door.  He 
was just about to use his key when the door opened.

     She was dressed in a t-shirt and sweat pants and looked 
smaller than he could ever remember seeing her before.  
Her eyes were red from crying, and she looked as if she 
was about to collapse from lack of sleep. 

     Before Scully could even close the door, Mulder 
enveloped her in his arms.  She responded by putting her 
arms around his waist and holding on for dear life.  Ever 
since that night in the hospital when he held her, comforted 
her, kissed her, she felt a need to have his body holding 
hers tight.  He offered her protection, warmth and hope.  
Something she needed more than anything else right now.

     After Mulder held her and rocked her for a few minutes, 
he released her just enough so that he could close and lock 
her door, and guide them to the couch.  As he sat, he 
brought her down with him.  She was so close, she was 
almost on top of him.  He needed to feel her close, a 
reminder that she was still here with him, a hope that she 
wouldn't ever leave.  Mulder turned toward her, and placed 
the palms of his hands over her cheeks.  The tips of his 
fingers just touching the soft wisps of hair that frame her 
face.  Both Mulder and Scully looked into each other eyes, 
communicating silently.  Scully telling him how much she 
needs him, and Mulder telling her how he would be there 
for her, always.

     Mulder spoke first.  He didn't want her to worry about 
him, but his own voice betrayed him by being soft and 
raspy.  "Tell me, Dana..."

     Scully knew he wanted to know everything she was 
thinking and feeling, she wasn't sure if she could tell him, 
she wasn't sure if she knew herself.  She wanted to, more 
than anything, share her fears, and dreams with him, but 
would that be too much?  With what strength she has left, 
she began, "I was just lying in bed, thinking about 
everything that I have not seen or done, in my life.  All the 
things that I hoped I would do.  I never thought there just 
wouldn't be enough time.  I...."  Scully closed her eyes, and 
the tears just started to slide down her face.  There was no 
more control left.  She felt Mulder pull her close, and she 
could hear the soft beating of his heart beneath her ear.  
The constant sound calmed her, and gave her some sense of 
peace.  When she opened her eyes and looked up at his 
face, she saw that Mulder was softly weeping.  The tears 
that fell from his eyes were falling into her hair, and being 
lost forever.

     Scully pulled away from him just enough so that she 
could see his face clearly.  Mulder tried to look away, to 
hide his grief, but when she caressed his face with her 
small hands, he could no longer look away.  What Mulder 
saw in Scully's face was no longer grief, but determination.  
From somewhere deep inside of herself she found the 
strength to tell him what she was thinking, and feeling.

     She spoke quietly, Mulder had to strain to hear her 
voice, "I always thought that someday I would have time to 
travel, to have a family, to have someone who I could love 
so completely that nothing else would matter, and who love 
me the same way.  I feel as if all those dreams are slipping 
away.  There are things I want to say, but I shouldn't.  If I 
say them, they may be real.  I have only just admitted some 
of them to myself.  They could cause more pain then they 
could happiness.  What if I say them aloud, only to realize 
that they were only in my head, and that the other person 
doesn't feel the same way?"

     "Say them."

     "I can't." 

     "Why?"

     "Because......because they could change everything."

     "Say them."  Mulder's eyes were now staring into 
Scully's.  She could not look away.  He had her trapped.  
How could she tell him what she wanted to, it would 
destroy him when she dies.

     "Lying in bed tonight, I was thinking about all those 
dreams I was telling you about.  When I realized that I was 
never alone in any of them.  There was always someone 
traveling with me.  It was you.  I can't imagine life without 
you."  Scully looked away.  His gaze was so intense, if she 
told him now, there was no going back, "I love you."

     It seemed as if those words were spoken by someone 
else, far away, but she knew, they came from her own 
heart, her own soul.  She turned back to Mulder, she 
needed to see his face, his eyes. 

     Mulder watched her as she slowly turned around to face 
him.  He had been aware of his love for her for some time 
now, but he knew that she had just admitted her love for 
him to herself.  He longed to touch her, to hold her, but he 
was afraid that she would pull away.  That her admission 
was all that she could handle now.  

     When she turned back to him, he saw the pain in her 
eyes.  She was unsure of his feelings towards her.  "I love 
you too, Dana.  I always have, and I always will."  He then 
leaned forward, and gently pressed his lips to hers.  The 
kiss was sweet and gentle, but all too soon, Scully pulled 
away.  

     "This can't happen.  I am going to die!"

     "You are NOT going to die, Dana.  You have to believe 
that."  Mulder said adamantly.

     Once again, the tears fell uncontrollably down Scully's 
face, "Mulder, you believe in forces that just don't exist, 
that can't exist.  Cancer is a disease!  A scientifically 
proven disease.  There is NO CURE!"  Mulder sat watching 
her, he waited for her to calm down, but before he could 
say anything, she continued, "If we do this now, if we act 
on our feelings, everything will be worse.  I will die, and I 
will leave you.  I can't bear to know that I was the one who 
loved you and left you.  As much as I want this, it can't be."

     "No Dana, your wrong.  IF you die, and our love, our 
passion was unfulfilled, then I will be left all alone.  I will 
have no memories to live with.  If you die, and we have not 
completed what we started, then you will take my heart 
with you.  There can never be anyone else that can ever 
take your place.  I couldn't bear to love anyone else.  Let 
me love you.  Let me take you all over the world and show 
you things and places that you have never seen or been to 
before, please."

     They stared at each other for what seemed hours.  It was 
as if time had stopped.  The only noise in the quiet room 
was their breathing.  Scully closed her eyes and sighed, 
"Okay."  That was all she had to say.  Mulder took her into 
his arms and held her.  He was now crying not from grief, 
but from happiness.  <She will let me love her> he thought.  

     Mulder bent down and kissed her.  This time the kiss 
was not tentative, but it was urgent and deep.  Mulder 
wanted to show her how he felt, he wanted her to feel how 
he felt.  He couldn't believe that they would ever be 
separated again.  She would not die.  He had to believe 
that.  Scully did not sit idly and let Mulder do all the work, 
she returned his passion kiss for kiss.  They finally 
separated breathlessly and Mulder asked Scully a question 
that he was curious to know since this conversation started, 
"So, Scully, where do you want to go?"

     "What?"  Scully didn't know what he was talking about, 
but his smile was contagious. She was feeling better than 
she had in days.  A part of her hoped that Mulder's belief 
that she would live was enough to pull her through.  She 
hoped that he was right, and she started to believe that 
maybe, just maybe, she would make it though this, they 
would make it through this.  

     Mulder repeated the question, "I said, where do you 
want to go?  You said there were places that you have 
never been that you want to go to, where are they?"

     "Oh.  Europe, I have never been to Europe.  Why?"

     Mulder smiled and took her hands in his, "Because I 
want to show you the world."

     "But Mulder, we can't.  We have work, we can't just go."  
Scully protested.

     "Scully, I don't think that Skinner would stop us.  He 
would want you to do what you have to.  I will take a leave 
of absence if I have to.  So, where to?  England, France, 
Italy?"

     "Ummm, well, I have never been to any of those,  How 
about all of them?"  She couldn't believe that they were 
going to do this.  Somehow Mulder had turned her grief, 
and self pity into happiness and love.  They kissed and 
talked, and kissed some more.  Before they knew it, the sun 
was rising.  Scully stood up and walked over to the 
windows.  She was staring out at the rising sun, when she 
felt Mulder's arms wrap around her.  She leaned back 
against him and sighed.  She would make it though this.  
She had to.  She then felt Mulder's lips on her neck, nipping 
and teasing her.  His hands moved up her sides, and around 
to her breasts.  She moaned quietly and turned towards 
him.  She kissed him with all of the energy she had left.  
She then leaned against him.  She was so tired.  Mulder 
could almost see the energy draining out of her.  He 
scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.  
He laid her on the bed, and climbed up next to her.  

     "Mulder, I don't think that..."

     "I know Scully, I just want to hold you.  Let me stay 
with you?"  Scully nodded and curled up in his arms.  He 
watched her as her breathing slowed and evened out.  He 
loved her so much, he couldn't bear to lose her.  He needs 
her like he needs air.  Somewhere deep inside of himself, 
he knew that everything would be okay.  She would survive 
this.  As he watched her peaceful slumber, a song that he 
had once heard drifted in his thoughts.  Somehow, if he 
changed just a couple of words, it fit them:

Hold on.  Hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like
      hell.
Hold on Hold on to yourself you know that only time can 
      tell.
What is it in me that refuses to believe  This isn't easier 
      than the real thing.
My love you know that you're my best friend
You know that I'd do anything for you,
And my love let nothing come between us my love for you 
      is strong and true.
Am I in heaven here or am I....
At the crossroads I am standing.  
So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray that 
      you'll be strong tomorrow
And will see another day and we will praise it 
And love the light that brings a smile across your face. 
Oh god if your out there won't you hear me.
I know we've never talked before.
Oh god the man I love is leaving won't you take him  when 
      he comes to your door.
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell at the crossroads I am 
      standing. 
So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray that 
      you'll be strong tomorrow
and we will see another day and we will praise it
I love that light that brings a smile across your face....
Hold on, hold on to yourself for this gonna hurt like hell.

                                   ~end~


Well, what did ya'll think?  I just had to include the song.  I 
listen to this CD all the time, but I never really thought 
about this song pertaining to Mulder and Scully.  I heard it 
after watching Leonard Betts, and I couldn't believe how 
well it fit.  If only instead of "man" it said "woman" it could 
have been written for them.  Well, I guess I am just a 
romantic.  Please e-mail and tell me what you think.  
ernovak@aol.com