The following story was written without the advice, consent or 
knowledge of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting or Ten Thirteen 
Productions.  No infringement was intended; the story is meant for 
private downloading, and not to be circulated in print.  
 
(This story takes place during the time Scully was abducted.) 
 
Anniversaries 
by Unicorn83 
2/2/95 
 
It was the anniversary of her abduction almost 19 years ago.  It seemed 
like yesterday.  Sam would be, what, about 27 now.  Every year at this 
time Mulder stopped to give thought to his missing baby sister, not that 
he didn't think about her every day, but he thought about her more on 
this day than any other.  And he always stopped to wonder, why.  Why 
her and not me? 
 
He felt the need, the urge, to share with Scully that portion of his past 
which he had attempted to keep hidden from view.  His weakness. He 
even tried to hide it from himself.  Always keep it down and turned off 
until the anniversary.  He tried to isolate himself, detached from 
emotions, especially where Sam was concerned but somehow every year 
it always welled up inside him and hurt so much that he needed to 
scream out.  To be heard, to be believed.  These were the parts of their 
past that they had always kept hidden from each other, their private 
lives, their emotions. But she was after all, his partner.  More than a 
friend, less than a wife, she was that and more. 
 
That's why it was all the more difficult for Mulder this anniversary than 
last.  Last year he had Scully to confide in and share with, and this year 
he had no one.  Agent Dana Scully had been abducted, just like Sam, 
taken from him, ripped from his side, his partner.  The only person he 
ever learned to trust, the only one who listened, the only person to 
understand and now she was gone.  And once again Mulder was left to 
wonder, why?  Why her and not me? 
 
It was their anniversary too.  His and Scully's. Scully had started about a 
month after Sam's anniversary.  And after nearly two years together, he 
knew more about Agent Dana Scully than any other person in his life.  
And now he knew he was alone.  He wished he had told Scully more 
about Sam, and his father and all the things in his life.  All the things he 
wanted to say but didn't and now maybe she'd never hear them.  All his 
stupidist jokes, dirty limericks, funny stories, everything.  He needed to 
tell her these things. About how he chose the FBI over other careers, his 
feelings of heartache, lonliness, alienation and discouragement. He felt 
like he needed to share.  But how could he, there was no one to share 
with.  So Mulder sat alone in his room watching the night sky and the 
stars.  And pondered where they were right now.  What they were 
doing? Thinking? Were they alone?  What do they feel?  Do they 
remember? Are they alive?  And as these thought raced around his head, 
the sky grew light and dawn came.  And Mulder, not having any sleep, 
rose from his bed and went to work. 
 
But today work held no solace for Agent Fox Mulder.  All day his mind 
wandered back to Agent Scully and his sister Sam.  Were they together?  
Would they come back? It occurred to Mulder that he was being selfish 
by thinking about how their disappearance had affected his life, his life.  
Not theirs.  And he felt suddenly guilty for Scully's family, who would 
suffer much like his did 19 years ago.  He would gladly exchange his life 
for theirs.  Right now.  Distractedly, Mulder wandered down the bureau 
halls and agents cleared a path for the dour looking "Spooky" Mulder , 
careful not to cross him when he was in one of his moods.  Very few 
agents were even aware of the disappearance of Agent Dana Scully, nor 
would most care, neither she nor Mulder had endeared themselves to any 
division of the bureau.  In fact, you could almost say, they were the 
pariahs of the bureau.  Too good to be fired but too embarrasing to be 
promoted. 
 
Before Mulder even realized where he was, he was standing outside the 
door of the Violent Crimes section.  As he turned to walk away the door 
opened and out walked an agent from his past.  Randy Walker, a serious 
looking farmboy from the midwest who worked briefly with Mulder in 
Violent Crimes on his way to counterintelligence. Mulder, surprised at 
Walkers appearance, brightened up a bit.    "Fox Mulder, long time no 
see, what the hell have you been up to?"  Mulder gladly shook Walkers 
outstretched hand and began his tirade of the last few years since he had 
left Violent Crimes.  Walker it seems, had made Assistant Special Agent 
in Charge (ASAC) recently and was relocating from Texas to California.  
He was stopping by to visit some old friends and pick up orders.  And a 
familiar face and sympathetic ear was just what Mulder needed most. 
 
"I understand, losing a partner is like losing both your hands, you really 
don't know what to do with yourself."  Walker obviously understood 
Mulder feelings on the matter, "She really brought out the best in me, 
you know, she could see things in me others didn't..."  Walker nodded 
encouragingly.  "She was like my friend, sister, mother and girlfiend all 
in one.." Walker looked deeply into Mulder eyes, "Did you love her?"  
Mulder looked back, his eyes inscrutible "Like a sister.."  Walker took a 
long deep breath, dreading Mulders next response "and..?"  Mulder 
looked away so it became impossible for Walker to read his body 
language.  "I don't know, but what I do know is that she can't be 
replaced...I'm thinking of leaving the bureau."  Walker was stunned, the 
bureau was Mulders life.  Mulder waited one or two breaths, then 
looked back at Walker.  "Because of Scully?"  "Partly, and partly 
because without her I've lost my focus...."  Walker tried to reason with 
Mulder, "Why not take some time off, think about it, talk to some 
people..." Mulder looked up hard, "I'm talking to you." "Not just me 
Mulder, talk to others, friends, other agents..." "I have no friends and I 
don't trust any agents other than Scully, I've lost my objectivity along 
with faith in myself..."  Walker knew that Mulder had made up his 
mind, but he wondered if Scully was here with him right now, would he 
be different, "I'm sorry" was all he could say, so Agent Walker got up 
quietly and left.   
 
Mulder sat at the table with his cup of cold coffee, alone.  Alone again.  
And again he wished it was him they took instead.  Ah, if only wishing 
could make it truth.  And Mulder sat and mused, what would I say to 
Scully if she was home right now.  He touched the gold cross which 
hung around his neck, Scully's cross.  I would probably say,  that I'd 
missed her.  And that I needed her.  And that I could never do without 
her. And he knew all these things were painfully true and yet Fox 
Mulder knew he'd never say them to Dana Scully, not outloud anyway, 
because she was his partner and some things were better off unsaid.  
What would he do if she never came back, like Sam.  No, that couldn't 
happen, not again.  He couldn't live with another black hole in his life 
where someone important had been.  She has to come back...she must.  
Feeling helpless and desperate, Mulder slowly dropped his head into his 
hands and ran shaking fingers through his hair.  She has to come back.  
Mulder could feel the cross hanging limply around his neck and he 
thought about her God.  An angry God, who has once again taken 
something very important from him.   A God who has ripped  the three 
most important things from Mulder's life, his sister, his life's work and 
his partner.  And he knew he would give anything to have them all back 
right now.  To have them in his life again.  Feeling the futility of it all, 
Mulder sighed aloud and let his shoulders droop a little lower, Scully, if 
you're out there and you can hear me, come back, I need you.    
 
Then Agent Fox Mulder slowly stood up, dropped some change on the 
table and left the diner.  Happy Anniversary Scully....happy 
anniversary.  


The end.