TITLE:  Aftermath (Rescue 2)
EMAIL ADDRESS: Darkness_falls_@yahoo.com
RATING: PG13 I think, it has a little swearing :)
CLASSIFICATION: MSR
SUMMARY: The Aftermath of Rescue
DEDICATION: For Josh and Charlotte, and G. Jim
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. I'm just borrowing, honest!

Life had been relatively quiet. It almost went on as if nothing had
happened, and this happened every day and was normal.

*Well*, Scully thought bitterly, * it was.* Mulder had transformed
back into his old self, and neither had talked about the
conversation they had had that day.

Samantha was at Mulder's house. The poor thing was still in shock.
But given the circumstances, she had adjusted well. Mulder had
done his best to see she was happy, and the entire Scully family
had treated her like their own.

But, what Scully had felt she should do, was fill in the gaps, and
try to help to answer any questions Mulder hadn't.

God, she had done her best. Truth was though, the things that
Samantha wanted to know desperately, were things she too,
wondered about.

Life went on. They were all searching for the answers now.
Samantha wanted to help them. Scully wasn't sure about that idea,
but she appreciated the thought.

Suddenly, the door opened, stopping Scully's thoughts.

Scully looked up from her bed. It was her mother. She was holding
a tray, which had a pot of coffee, two cups, and a muffin on it.

" Dana dear, don't you think it's about time you ate something? "

Scully thought. She hadn't eaten since last night, and it was twelve
PM now.  Her mother was right. She really needed to get herself
into the habit of eating right again.

She smiled. "Mom, I think that's a good idea."

Margaret pulled up a chair to the bed, and sat down. She gently sat
the tray on the foot of the bed and poured the coffee neatly.

Handing Scully a cup, she said "So, a lot of adjustments to make,
aren't there?"

Scully nodded. "The first that comes to mind is, what does Mulder
do now?

"His sister is home now. That was his motivation for so many
years. Where does he go from here?"

"Oh Dana honey, you know that although finding Samantha  was a
big part of his work, there were always other reasons he worked in
the X-Files.

" I believe that even if his sister hadn't been  abducted, something
would have led him to this.

" He's just lucky he has someone like you to guide him. " She
shook her head. " No, I don't think he'll be leaving his job soon. I
think he needs to work..." She smiled sheepishly, " I think he needs
you. "

"Mother! Did you mean that the way that I think you meant that?"
Dana's face flushed with embarassment and anger.

"Well, darling, I don't mean to embarrass you, but it's so obvious
that he feels for you. What I wonder is how you feel for him. I'm
sure he's wondering the same thing."

Dana thought for a second, and silently tried to answer that.

* Hmm...I guess she's right. I need to figure out how I feel. I mean,
if there is a possibility I feel the way he supposedly feels, I should
tell him, so we don't have to pretend forever.

* But if I don't, then I need to find a tactful way to stop leading
him on. Because that is what I'm doing...isn't it?*

 Scully finally said out loud, " Mom, I honestly don't *know* how I
feel. "

Margaret smiled, and said, "Well, no one can make that decision
for you, but if it helps you decide, let me say that I haven't seen
someone so selflessly in love as Fox for a long time."

Scully realized this was true, and her heart warmed. She also
realized it would make it harder for her...

" The reason I brought the topic up is because you are going to
have to make that decision faster then you think."

"What do you mean?"

" Well, the downstairs phone rang a while ago. Fox called, saying
he was on his way to visit us. Need I say, he sounded a bit
flustered."

Scully groaned inwardly. She tiredly said , "I'm not ready to make
that decision.  Plus, I look horrible. "

"Dana, I don't think you need to worry about that. He always looks
at you like he thinks you're beautiful."

Scully sighed in frustration. How was it that her mother noticed
these things that she didn't?

Suddenly Margaret said, "I think I hear the door."


Mulder had woken up that morning with a sense of purpose. He
felt as if there was something important he had to do.

 At first, he couldn't put his finger on it. The entire morning was
spent just trying to figure out what it was he needed to do.  He had
been sitting on his couch, absently watching a JFK documentary
when it hit him. It was Scully.

 Dana Scully, the scientific phenomenon, with red hair and blue
eyes. She had walked in the door, and he had seen his future. He
realized today was the day he'd tell her everything. How he'd felt
after Duane Barry, after Phaster, after all those horrible people and
horrible things...he would tell her how each time anything had
happened to her, he had felt completely lost and alone. How each
time he thought she could die, he had seen the hourglass emptying
slowly.

He didn't know if she felt the same way, but he did know that he
had to tell her. Even if she didn't need him like he needed her, she
would know the truth. That's all she had ever asked for anyway,
and she was going to get it.

When he had *that* figured out, he had called the Scully house.
Margaret answered the phone.

 "Hello?"

 Mulder took a deep breath.  "Yes, hello Margaret?"

 "Fox, is that you? Oh, how nice of you to call, dear."

  "Sure. I was just calling to see how Dana is doing today," (How
funny he felt calling her that).

  "Well, she woke up a few hours ago, around eight, and she has
been lounging in her room since. Why?"

 " Well, I wanted to take her out to lunch, or something."

  " I see." A hint of a knowing smile shone through her voice. "I
guess that would be possible."

 Mulder let out his breath, and held back the scream of relief in his
throat as much as he could.  "That's wonderful. Tell her I'll be
down in about an hour."

 That was the last semi-calm moment he had before he was rushing
to try to make himself presentable for her. He took a shower,
twice, and dressed in what seemed to be his only clean informal
shirt with a pair of jeans. He brushed his hair, and tried not to
laugh as he put on cologne. * God, don't be obvious or anything
Mulder.*

 He barely remembered to call Samantha, who was at their
mother's house, to tell her approximately where he'd be and for
how long. She had been most understandably skittish of being
stranded since she came back.

 Then he had gone to the florist's shop and bought 12 red roses.

 * I don't even know if she likes roses,* Mulder thought with a
start. * Six years of working with a person, and I'm so unobservant
I don't even know if she likes roses. I hope this isn't a mistake.*

  Now he was in her driveway, savoring the last few moments of
being "just friends" with Dana Scully, and building up his courage.

  Finally, he took a deep breath, left the roses on the seat (So
Margaret wouldn't know right away, if she didn't *already*.) , and
walked to the door. Five minutes later, he knocked.


I could hear her moving down the stairs to answer the door. How I
wished  she would have left that door alone.  I wasn't ready to even
start thinking about this. Sure, I love him, but there are so many
different kinds of love. How do I know if this is right? God, what'll
I do now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Margaret answers the door. I hug her. Although I'm glad to see
her, I must admit my mind is reeling. All I'm thinking about is her.

  I walk up the stairs in a blur. Did Margaret say something to me?
What is normally 10 stairs is now 100.

  I knock on her bedroom door. I hear her say, "Come in!" , in her
mock-confidence voice.

She's beautiful. Not that there's ever a time when she isn't, but for
some reason, right now she seems to be a goddess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  He walks in. He looks so nervous, and  so gorgeous. He actually
brushed his hair today. For so long, he's been too busy to even
bother. I'm definitely in trouble.

She looks up at me. Her eyes hold something that I can't seem to
put my finger on.  What is she thinking? What's she going to say?
I'm wishing I had something to fiddle around with as I sit down.

" Hi, Dana."

 Now I'm definitely in trouble. He's calling me Dana. Maybe if I
make light of it...

  "Hi, Fox!" I manage to grin mischievously, trying to fool him into
thinking I'm calm.

  She's not convincing me. I know her game. The, "I'm-calm,- and
-I -don't - know-what - you're- up-to -- but- I- don't- like-it" look.
She can really get to me when she does that, but not today.

"We need to talk." He took a deep breath. "Your mother said it
would be OK  if you went to lunch with me today. So, will you
come?"

If possible, a deeper breath on my part.  "Sure Mulder, give me
fifteen, all right?"

"Sure, I'll be downstairs."

So, he leaves me alone. Breather time only. I grab my red T-shirt
and a pair of blue jeans. I pull them on, while I work on what I'll
say to Mulder at lunch.

"Mulder, I, I'm very flattered but...." Now way. I owe him more
then something cheesy like that.

' Mulder, I care a lot about you, but I'm sot sure this is a direction
I'm ready to take."  What a load of B.S. Once again, I want to be
respectful of him, and I don't want to hurt him.

Shit.


I've been downstairs with Margaret for about five minutes now,
and already I feel antsy. I say, "It's good of you to let Dana out
today." (Out? What is she in, the psycho ward? God, I'm so stupid.)

She just smiles and says, "It'll be good for her, and it'll give you
two some time to chat."

  I cringe. What is that supposed to mean? The Scully women and
their cryptic messages aimed at me. They're going to drive me
crazy!

Then I hear footsteps. Scully.

  There's no more escaping the inevitable. It's been about fifteen
minutes.  So I head downstairs.

He looks up thankfully. An awkward time with Mom, I guess.
She's probably hinting him to death. I'll talk to her about *that*
later.

He takes my arm gently. I say Good-bye to Mom, she squeezes his
other hand supportively...and we're off.


  Now I'm in some nondescript cafe with Mulder. It's so strange to
be with him in this situation, that I inwardly cringe again as he
shifts in his seat.

  "Dana, I.."

"Why is it Dana all of a sudden Mulder?"

"Ummm...I was just trying to be more like a friend then a partner,
and also, trying to get the courage to saw what I want to say."

I nod.

"Dana, I feel that I was alone half of my life. Alone, and lost.

" I was surrounded by people, people doing their damnedest to
ignore me and forget I even existed, and after I lost my sister,
maybe I began to wish they could too. I never thought I could love,
or trust, again.

" I lost my mother and father after that incident. They've never
forgiven me for that night, and it seems like after that, I lived in a
haze. I was still isolated and alone when I joined the FBI.

"I worked in the Violent Crimes Section. I've been told I did a
good job there. I wouldn't know. I can't remember.

" My life began again when a critical, blue-eyed, red-haired devil
walked in my office door.  Suddenly there was someone in my life.
Someone who listened, who cared.  Although you didn't always
believe me, you didn't discredit me without thinking first.

" You made me believe in what I was doing again. " He paused
now, gaining strength.  " I always thought of you as a friend, even
right after the first case.

" But Scully, Dana, when you were taken away from me that first
time, it made me realize how fragile you were. And when you
came back, and survived, you showed me how strong you really
could be.

" I went crazy that first time, blaming myself, and everyone else,
for your disappearance.  I thought of things I should have done,
and things I should have said. That Dana, was when I realized how
deeply you had affected me. Changed me. From that immature,
stubborn boy, to a mature, stubborn man."

She had to smile a little at that.

"Then Phaster came.  He hurt you visibly and mentally. When you
let me hold you, I knew that you trusted me to understand. I felt
you in my arms, with your head on my shoulder, for the first time.
I loved you then.

" But every time from then on, I've loved you more. I've wanted to
memorize your smile, your voice, and I've wanted you to love me
like I loved you.

"When you left me suddenly a few months ago without notice, I
thought you just didn't want to be around me anymore. I sulked,
trust me. Imagine my horror when the Smoking Bastard came to
talk to me about your 'disappearance.'

 " When I realized  he was behind it, I pressured Skinner to help
me. find you.  I was determined not to lose you, not to let you, not
to let you, not to let you..."

  He was almost weeping at the memory. Scully put her hand on
his. This seemed to give him strength. He finished his sentence.

"Not to let you be hurt. I had to have you back with me, safe, so I
could tell you, tell you that I loved you more than I could ever
say."

Another deep breath.

 "So Dana, I've said it. I don't know how you'll react. I said it when
you first came back, but I realized that those were unfair
circumstances. So I'd like to know now, how you feel."


Scully was surprised to feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, and
she realized she was sobbing openly, in the middle of a cafe, into
her cup of coffee.  This only made matters worse.

Mulder reached over, and took both her hands. He paid the bill,
and took her out of the cafe.

Nothing was going as she had planned. She had meant to be firm,
strong, and here she was, needing his strength.

 He wrapped her up in his arms, holding her, protecting her from
the pain, as he had done so many times before.  She wasn't
thinking anymore, she wasn't stopping what she knew she should.

They were in the street. He was holding her arm now, and leading
her to the car.  He opened the car door, and helped her in. He
walked around to his side.

Scully sat inside, waiting, sniffling, and wondering why on earth
she had cried so much, and lost her protective shield.

 He got in, and handed her roses he had had sitting on the back
seat.  She smiled mechanically, at the sweet gesture. It *was* a
nice thought.

God, she had lost her pride, her confidence, her everything, what
would she say to him?

He faced her, and stared at her, like he was trying to read her, and
said, " Love hurts, huh?"

 She was going to say, "I don't think I love you Mulder,", but
instead she heard herself say, " Yes, especially when you've been
in denial."

 He smiled. H was going to *kill* her with that smile someday.

" I never thought I'd say this to you Mulder, but could you explain
what just happened here?"

" Dana Scully! And you say I'm out of the loop! I didn't think you
were this out of practice!" He continued to answer her much more
gently.

" I think when I told you how I felt, it set off a lot of bells in you,
telling you that you felt the same way. That was too powerful for
you, so you started to cry."

 She nodded. It was so unreal. It was true, she realized, all of what
he had said.  She remembered him telling her when he had fallen
in love with her. She had known that she had loved him then, too.
Then she had gone into shock autopilot, and had started to cry
without even noticing it.

What she had just blurted out was true as well. She had loved him
forever, but she had convinced herself that he was her *friend*,
and that she had just spent too much time with him.

 Everything had been brought to the surface today, and it had been
too much.

She whispered, "Do you wake up in the middle of the night,
thinking someone will be next to you?"

He nodded, and said, " Then I realize that it was a dream, and I'm
still alone. "

She started to cry again, but still she managed to cry out, " Oh God
Mulder, I'm sorry. " Then she buried her head in his chest.

He whispered, "It's going to be OK now. You love me right? Oh, I
shouldn't be asking you..."

She cut him off.  "Yes, you should. You have the right to ask a
simple question like that.

"Mulder, I haven't loved anyone for a long time, but if there is
anyone I love, it's you. I'll do my best to figure this out, and be
everything you need. "

 "You already are, " he practically cooed into her ear, reassuringly.

 She rester her head on his shoulder, as he started to drive her
home.


Scully wondered what she had admitted to. What would happen
now? How would they handle working together? Would they be
able to?

And, now what? Would they "live together"? How cheap.

But they couldn't get married, without them losing their jobs, or
getting reassigned. What were they going to do? She couldn't live
in this position.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mulder sighed. Scully looked worn down and ill. Her eyes with the
tears she had just shed.

He had almost cried himself. Weeped openly was a better way of
describing it.  He had held himself together, but only because she
touched him. She had looked at him in such a way that he had
suddenly felt her strength in him. He had been able to say what he
had wanted to say.

But now he was scared.  Scared that what she had said was
something she would regret. Maybe he should ask her? But he was
too afraid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  As they got closer and closer to her house, Scully wondered what
she would do.  What would she say to her mother?! "Well, I guess
I've decided Mom. " Yeah. Right. What she had decided was that
next time she would keep her mouth SHUT.

But still, she couldn't say she regretted him holding her.  She
couldn't lie to herself by saying she didn't care, because she did.
But the fact was that there was just more to life then love.

Career, your family, and your future. You couldn't just be in love,
and *hope* everything  would work out. Life required planning.

She had been all set.  Set in her ways, in her goals, and in her
future, until this. Now there were two doors in front of her.

She could stay on the path she had been on. She could work in the
FBI, and support her family.  That was all she had ever thought she
would do.

The second choice complicated her life. It gave her the option of
staying with Mulder in the X-Files, and hiding their love until
someone caught them and relocated them (or maybe fired them?!!
). If she and Mulder married though, she would have a chance of
having her own family.

Sure, she couldn't have her own children, but they could adopt.
*Mulder would make a great father.* she thought. * He's just a big
kid almost all of the time anyway. Guess who would be left
disciplining them?*, she thought with a quick grin.

She thought over her options once again, and realized that she
really *did* love Mulder a great deal,  and that she wanted to stay
with him. She also wanted to keep her job though.

 * So, does that mean I picked 'C,' all of the above?*, mused
Scully.

Mulder broke her chain of thought by saying, "You're pretty quiet
Dana.  If this isn't what you want, I'll understand. We can just be
friends again. It would be OK."

  Scully thought about how she wanted to phrase all of her former
thoughts.

 "Mulder, I have been thinking. And Thinking. Truth is, I don't
want to lose my job because of something like this."

"Then I understand that Scully. This never happened..."

  "BUT..." Scully continued, "I do love you. I want to make that
clear.

" You were right. At first,  it was difficult to accept it. When
you've been denying it to yourself for 6 years, it's a little hard to
take it in all at once.

" But I realize that I do want a family, even if it's an adopted one,
and I do want a home. A real home, instead of an apartment.

"If I want all of that, there's no one else qualifies to share it with
me  Mulder.

 " Imagine me trying to explain my history of weird diseases, alien
abductions, and cancer, to anyone! No one would understand.

 "Plus, " she added with a grin, "I would feel so sorry for any man
that would have to have you as a thorn in his side all of his life!

"When I think of all we've been through, all we've seen, I know
that you're the only one who I could love. I just could never
commit to anyone else. "

 Mulder spoke. "So, does this mean you're willing to stay with
me?"

 "More then that Mulder, it means I'm *looking forward* to staying
with you, weird quirks, alien abductions, emotional baggage, and
all."

"Hey, added bonus," laughed Mulder.

 He pulled into her Mother's driveway. The front room was lit up
as usual, and they could see Margaret watching them from the
window.

They went and knocked, knowing she would be the easiest to
please on this matter.

  Skinner, however, was another matter.


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