Title: Show Time: There's Something About Mary (1/1) Author: N. Athene E-Mail: Athene7@hotmail.com Rating: PG-13 Classification: SH Spoilers: US season 5, and "Fight the Future;" and "There's Something About Mary." Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST. Summary: Mulder convinces Scully to come and see a movie with him on a boring night after a closed case. If you haven't seen this movie, this story might be a little hard to follow, and an imagination would help a lot. Feedback: Anything, send to Athene7@hotmail.com... but please be gentle, i'm a fiction virgin. Your honest comments and suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Distribute:Keep my name with it... and I don't care. Disclaimer:Obviously I don't own M & S, or GA & DD, or Mary, or Ben Stiller, or Cameron Diaz, or Matt Dillon, or anyone/anything else. If I did, I wouldn't be writing stories, I'd be *producing* them. M & S belong to Ten Thirteen and Twentieth Century, and "Something About Mary" belongs to the uh, Farrelly Brothers. This is strictly non-profit, otherwise I wouldn't be holding a part-time job in hell. (don't ask.) Notes:Okay... first time writer, so bear with me... if you want. If you don't want, that's fine too. Suit yourself. It's your loss. (maybe) Show Time: There's Something About Mary by N. Athene "No way, Mulder. I'm not going. I don't care if I have to sit in this damn hotel room for the rest of the night! I will *not* go see that movie with you." an hornory Scully exclaimed. "Ever." she added. "Come on, Scully. Are you just going to sit in here and watch the Weather Channel all night?!" Mulder chuckled to himself, picturing Scully sitting on her bed, watching some doppler radar's visual depictions of storm clouds coming in. "There most be a pretty handsome meteorologist, huh?" "I still have to finish that report, for our latest wild goose chase. Prefferably *before* the power fails." she justified, more calmly now. "That can wait... Besides, have you ever been in a movie theater when the power goes out? It would be great!" "Yeah, absolutely wonderful experience, I'm sure..." she replied sarcastically. "And you'd only get to see half of the movie, and probably wouldn't be able to get a refund on your tickets." She was slightly less irritated with him now. "It'll help you unwind, Scully. It'll be fun!" Now he was grinning like an idiot. "You're buying?" It was more of a statement than a question. "I suppose... Even though it *is* your turn..." he trailed off. "Fine, then... I'll just stay here." Scully stated. "No, no. I'll buy." he promised, cheerfully. "Well, I'm going to change out of this suit, and then we'll go." she told him, expecting him to do the same. Instead, he parked himself on the edge of her bed, and turned on the television. "Okay, I can wait." he told her. She sighed heavily, "Mulder," "Okay, okay, I'll be back in five." he said, closing the adjoining door on his way out. Scully slipped out of her dark blue suit, and replaced it with a pink shirt and some dark blue jeans. She was feeling a little nervous all of a sudden. 'What in the hell is wrong with me?! I'm going to a stupid movie, with my partner, of all people.' 'Your *hot* partner.' 'Shut up.' 'Make me.' Mulder's knock interrupted her inner debate. "Are you ready yet?" he asked opening the door. She turned to him, noticing he'd also changed into something a little more... 'casual.' At least that's what she tried to tell herself. It was more like something a little sexier: black jeans, and a gray t-shirt, both of which were just tight enough to accentuate his muscular arms, and slim waist. Scully inhaled sharply. "Let's go, G-Woman." he ordered. And with that, they were out the door. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Hi! Can I help you?!" the young, overly enthusiastic cashier belted out as they approached the ticket booth inside the huge theater that advertised stadium seating. Mulder approached her, cautiously at first. "Uh, yeah. Two for 'There's Something About Mary.'" he replied. "Omigosh! *You* two are going to see *that?!*" she exclaimed, giggling. Scully sighed. "Why is *that* so surprising?" she asked, annoyed. "It's just that, well, uh... I don't know if you guys will think it's funny. I mean... You just don't seem like the type of couple that-" "-We're *not* a couple." Scully explained, rolling her eyes. 'Why does everyone always think that, anyways?' she asked herself. 'Well, it's not a half-bad idea...' "Whatever." the girl breathed. "It's $13.50." "Don't we get a senior discount." Mulder joked, which earned him a swift elbow in the side. He forked out a twenty. The girl punched it into the computer. "Oh!" she whined. "Peter!" she moaned. "The computer's broken again." "$6.50." Scully told her. "What?" the girl asked, puzzled. "My change," Mulder "A five, a one, and two quarters." "Ohhhhh. Okaaaaay...." she feigned understanding. "PETER!" "For the love of god, Alyssa... Give them their change." a slightly older boy demanded. "There's no one else in the theater, we can fix the computer later." The girl handed Mulder his change, which he accepted, trying very hard to maintain his composure. "Enjoy the movie!" she added, insincerely. Scully and Mulder exchanged an irritated glance as they approached the concession counter, where Peter was working. "I'm sorry about *her,*" Peter told them. "Honestly, I don't know how people like that can live a day in the real world. If we weren't desperate for help," he muttered, trailing off. "What do you want, Scully?" Mulder whispered. "Small Diet Coke, Twizzlers, Regular popcorn-no butter, and-" "-That's all?!" "I didn't get to eat dinner," she said, teasingly. "What can I get you two?" Peter asked them. "I'll go get us some seats." Scully said, leaving Mulder his ticket, and making her way to the usher's stand. He nodded. "Two small diets, two regular popcorns, Twizzlers, a bag of Whoppers, and-" "-Oh, come on pal, this is the nineties. Ever heard of sharing? You'd save three bucks if-" "Fine, one *large* diet, one *large,* *plain* popcorn, nachos, Twizzlers, and Whoppers." "That's it?" "And a little carrying case thingy." Mulder replied. "Okay, $12.50." Peter said. "Geez," Mulder sighed. "Hey, we gotta make some kind of a profit here... And I don't get commission either." "At least you can make change." Mulder breathed, handing him another twenty, and fifty cents. "Eight bucks. Have a nice night... Hopefully she got you some seats in the back row, if you know what I mean." Peter added, unnecessarily. Mulder chuckled, grabbing a straw, and some extra napkins. Then thinking that he actually does value his life, he grabbed a second straw, and made his way to the theater. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Where's mine?" Scully asked him, as he set the diet down in the cup holder between them, in the back row of the theater. "It was cheaper to share, Scully." he explained, slightly nervous. He attempted to gauge her reaction, but unfortuonately for him, she did not display one. She smiled to herself though, because after all, she really didn't mind sharing anything with him. Of course, he didn't need to know that. "Whatever, Mulder..." Just then, the lights dimmed, and some previews started rolling. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Scully was cringing in her chair, while Mulder was writhing in his. "No way," she whispered to herself. Mulder answered with an emotional "Oh my GOD!" as the screen filled in the blanks for their imaginations. Apparently, it was possible to get both the "franks and the beans" stuck in your zipper, with a little help from the costume department, Scully decided. "Could that *really* happen, doctor?" Mulder asked her, seriously. "I don't know, Mulder... I don't exactly have any personal experience with that. You should be asking yourself that question." she teased. "Well, I sure as hell hope not." he replied, gasping as a police man attempted to assist poor Ted. There was an agonizing scream, and a paramedic yelled "We've got a bleeder!" Mulder was very uncomfortable, and had all ready finished his nachos in an attempt to calm himself. Scully, on the other hand, decided this wasn't such a bad idea after all. She decided to make the best of it. "Well Mulder, if that ever happens to you, I won't try to rewind it like the cop did." she told him, giddily. He gulped, she said 'I.' "Uh, thanks, I guess," he replied. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ On screen, Mary is sitting in a restraunt with three friends talking about the man of her dreams, whom she has not yet met. Also, Pat is sitting at a nearby table. Scully whispered to Mulder accusingly, "Doesn't she have a job? Where would she get all that money to go golfing and buy all those burgers every day?" "I don't know, maybe she's a *working* girl." he said, taking a handful of popcorn from the bag where she held it posessively by her side. Scully jabbed him with an elbow, causing him to drop the popcorn all over the front of her shirt. He made an attempt to brush the kernels off of her chest, but she slapped his hand away, and smiled. He smiled too. Mary chose that moment to tell her friends she didn't need Brett, and very loudly explained, "I *have* a vibrator!" which caused Mulder to choke on the Whopper he'd popped in his mouth, and Scully to spit out the sip of Diet Coke she'd just taken. Fortunately, no one was sitting right in front of them. Scully hit Mulder on the back a few times to help him dislodge the chocolate milk ball from his throat. He thanked her later. 'If she can live with batteries and without a man, then I can too.' Scully told herself optimistically. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Two police men on screen were coaxing a murder confession out of Ted, while he spoke of picking up a hitch-hiker. "This interrogation is *very* unrealistic." she told Mulder. "They didn't even tell him what they were charging him with." "I know, I know. I want to speak to the writer." he replied. "I didn't know that about the Rest Areas either, Mulder... Is that true?" "How the hell should I know? I'm not gay, you know." "Is that right?" "Scully!" "I'm just teasing," she said giggling. It was fun to get him worked up occasionally. Then they both reached for popcorn, the bag now in her lap, hands colliding, they stopped in their tracks and looked at one another. He pulled his empty hand out of the bag, and went back to watching the movie. "Like he would get that friendly in a day too," she whispered in his ear, as Ted was released from the much larger man's embrace in their jail cell, and lead out of custody. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "God in heaven, please help me remember never to accept hair gel from a man!" Scully pleaded, as Mary helped herself to what she thought was hair gel hanging from Ted's ear. Mulder chuckled. "Don't get any ideas, either," she warned him. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The remained silent throughout for the most part, until the end anyways. "Brett Favre!" Scully gasped. "Go girl!" she chided. "Well, she *is* a looker," "She's got more than breasts, Mulder, she's got brains too." Scully remarked, surprising even herself. "All the more attractive," he replied. "Too bad she's blonde," "What's that supposed to mean?" Scully demanded. "Nothing." he said. 'I prefer redheads.' "What the-" "That Woogie guy sure is messed up... All he wants are her shoes? I mean, come on." "What the hell is he doing? Did you see that? Warren didn't even flinch when he touched his ears?" Scully exclaimed. "Where's he going to go?" "Come on, dolphin boy, go get her back." "I don't know Mulder, I'd chicken out if I was competing with Brett Favre too." she told him. "Nah, you've got him one upped." he reassured her. "If I were Ted... but still... aw, come on girl!" she coaxed. On screen, Mary walks out of the house, calling Ted. "Yes!" Scully said. "Go get him." "You forgot your keys," Mary explained. "Son of a-" Mulder started. "-Bitch." Scully finished. "What is this? It's so obvious they belong together... This movie is making me sick." "Me too, and I don't even care if they get together." Mary and Ted are now making out on screen. "Oh, for God's sake," Scully said. "Finally." Mulder replied. "At least there are no bees around," he muttered to himself, but Scully heard him. "What?" "I just said I'm going to pull out my *own* gun and shoot that damn guy with the guitar if that old man won't." Old man aims for Ted, but misses and hits singer. "Thank you, Jesus," Mulder said. Scully laughed. They sat through the credits, watching the extra clips from the movie, and they laughed together. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "I have to admit, Mulder, it wasn't *that* bad," Scully told him. "Not very plausible, but it was still pretty funny." "I don't have that bad of taste when it comes to movies." She glared at him, and he chuckled. "I get to pick next time," she told him. "Next time?" he asked. "Well, we'll see, if there's anything good out, and if we finish early again." she told him. 'I'll make it a priority,' he thought. Maybe they could even get some real food *next time.* ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THE END Well, what did you think? Please let me know... Again, keeping in mind that it was my first attempt to write... email at Athene7@hotmail.com. Thanks for reading!