EMXC 1st Year fanfic- October 1, 1994 thru October 1, 1995 Archived: 10/01/95 ============================================================== Hey folks! This is a weird little story that just popped into my head while I was sitting here. Send all of your comments, questions, hints, cut-downs, and anything else you can think of to BUZZBLADE@aol.com. To Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox broadcasting, I mean no theft. :-) OK, here goes... (© 5/26/95) Fox sighed as he pulled out of the dead woman's driveway. This killing had been one of the more gruesome that he'd seen. Scully sat next to him, looking a little pale. Mulder thought grimly. The lady that they had just visited had been found with her entire insides on her outside. Mulder sighed. He couldn't wait to get back to his hotel room and take a nice, hot shower. "Feeling okay?" Mulder asked to the sickly looking Scully. She gave no answer, just looked at him and made a face. "Me, too," said Mulder. He turned onto the hotel's street. "We're almost there," Mulder said, more to himself than Scully. "Thank God," she said under her breath. "MULDER! Look at that!" Scully said, pointing out her window. Mulder glanced over. "Holy sh**!" he whispered, staring at the bright lights that bounced outside the window, coming closer and closer to them. "Let's go!" Mulder made a right turn and drove toward the lights. Suddenly, the lights began to speed toward them. "That's too fast to be a plane...what is it?" asked Scully. There was a bright light, then total darkness. Mulder moaned as he came to. Rubbing his forehead, he pushed his long hair back out of his face. "Scully?", he said in an unfamiliar voice. He grasped his throat. "Oh my God!", he said, now recognizing his new voice. "Lord...I *am* Scully!", he said, looking down at his skirt and high-heeled shoes. At that point, Scully began to moan. "Mulder?", she called in Mulder's voice. She looked down at her dark pants and tacky tie. "Oh my God! I *am* Mulder!", she said frantically. She glanced at Mulder. "You-you-you're in *my* body!", she stuttered with a note of panic which sounded quite strange in Mulder's usually calm voice. Mulder looked down at his legs again. He withheld from saying this, seeing Scully's face. She looked scared and unsure of what was happening. "I think this is a bad dream. Let's just drive back to the hotel, go to bed, and when we wake up, we'll be back to normal," Mulder said calmly, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Scully turned on the car. "I think a hot shower would help, too," Mulder said with a lop-sided grin that looked strange on Scully's face. "No way! Not in *my* body you don't!", she said. "Well, I figured that would be the only way to get you into the shower." "Don't be so sure," she retorted with a smile. They drove the rest of the way back to the hotel in silence. "What a strange dream," Scully said, stretching as her alarm went off. She reached over and pushed the button to stop the beeping with a hairy arm. She looked at it. "Oh, no. It wasn't a dream," she said as she fell back into the pillows. There was a knock. "Scully? You dressed?", Mulder asked. Scully threw off the covers, and looked down at her boxer shorts and tee-shirt. she thought, her glance returning to her boxers. "Yeah. Come on in." She opened the door, surprised to be looking at herself. Or what used to be herself. "Mulder?", she whispered. "It's me. Well, really it's you, but..." Scully looked down at him. , Scully thought, She shook her head. "I think the aliens are laughing at us now," Mulder said. Scully took a good look at Mulder. He had put on her jeans and a sweatshirt, but she had no idea what he'd done to her hair. She burst out laughing; her hair was pulled back into a pony tail, but there were lumps all over. Mulder hadn't done too hot on her makeup, either. Scully walked over to Mulder's suitcase, and pulled out a pair of slacks and a polo shirt. She quickly put them on. "Mulder, have you looked in a mirror?" He faked a hurt look, and glanced in Scully's bathroom mirror. "Yeah, I think I did a good job," Mulder said. Scully shook her head and smiled. Scully thought. "Go back into my room, wash my face, and take my hair down, please. I'll get myself ready. I do like your choice of outfits, though," Scully said as Mulder was leaving. "Thanks. I figured, if I was a woman, what would I want to wear? I dress for comfort." He smiled at her and left the room. "Mulder! Sit down!", Scully said in a whisper to Mulder, who was standing up and about to call another agent over. "You're supposed to act like me." Mulder shrugged, sat down, crossed his legs, and put his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm. "Thank you." Mulder sighed. "I don't think I like being a woman..." "Wait, it gets better! Cramps, bloating, the works." Scully laughed as Mulder immediately lost his joking grin. "Hold on, let me call over Agent...um...Agent...Johnson. Agent Johnson. Haven't seen him since Quantico." "Steve," she called as she imagined Mulder would do. "Mulder? My God! How long has it been?" They shook hands. "Who's this," he asked, looking over at Scully very closely. "Mulder, meet Steve. Steve, Mulder." Mulder snapped his head up to look at her with wide eyes. Scully gave herself a mental kick. She glanced at Johnson and gave him one of Mulder's lopsided grins. "Oh, I get it. Sorry, man." He patted Mulder on the back. How long have you two been married?" Mulder couldn't help himself, he giggled. "We're not married," Scully filled him in. "Oh! I get it! Mulder, always the jokester. Happy April Fool's Day! I've got to go. It was great seeing you!" Scully gave him a goodbye smile. He walked off laughing. "Yuck. I never want that to happen again!" "What?", asked Scully with raised eyebrows. "Getting checked out by another guy. Yuck!" Scully sighed. She didn't feel like explaining to him that to Agent Johnson, he was a girl. "April Fools...", Mulder said as he pulled out a package of sunflower seeds and popped some into his mouth. "Scully, this may work out to our advantage..." "Mulder! April Fool's only comes once a year. What are we supposed to do if we're stuck in this...uh...predicament?", Scully asked. "Watch it with those sunflower seeds. People may wonder if I've been around you too long." "Aside from the PMS and such, I really don't mind staying like this." "Forever, Mulder?", Scully asked with raised eyebrows. Mulder paused. "No, not really. I want my body back!" "I want mine back, too. I don't want you embarrassing me with your makeup experiments anymore!", Scully said lightheartedly. "So, Mr. - I mean, Mrs. UFO expert, how do we get back to normal?", Scully asked. They were sitting in her apartment, Mulder (Scully, really) sipping iced tea and Scully (Mulder, really) pouring over old UFO claims. He glared at her. "Hah, hah. So far, nothing. Maybe what you said is right, though." there was a long silence. "I've got it! Pack your bags, we're going back to California." "Huh? Want to fill me in?", Scully asked from the couch. "I will, if you're nice." "Mulder, don't you think you're being just a bit rash about this?", Scully asked, smoothing her pants as they left the plane. "No. I mean, I know it's a long shot, but what does it really matter if it works? Do you really want to stay like this forever?" "No, not that I don't like your body, Mulder, but I'm starting to miss the joys of being a woman," Scully told him "Joys? Hah! Whatever you'd like to call them, Scully, they definitely aren't joys for me." "Yes, I'm sure that watching your, um, videos while being a woman just isn't the same," Scully said with a sarcastic sigh. "Hah, hah. Well, I guess you won't be dating if we don't get switched back. Or maybe you will. I guess I should be saying you won't be having se-" "Mulder!", Scully said, whipping around to face him. "There are kids around!", she said, pointing to one of the many children running around the airport, screaming. Mulder shrugged, with a satisfied smile on his face. He knew what could get on her nerves. Scully shook her head and grabbed her bag as it came out the baggage claim. They walked outside in silence. "Taxi!", Mulder called with all the bruteness of a male. Scully shook her head again and covered her face with one of Mulder's hands. She silently counted to 10. "Scully? You going to stay here?", Mulder asked, looking out the taxis' door. "Coming," she said with a voice that she hoped didn't sounds as tired as she did. "So, how' is this lady's death tied in with all this?", Scully asked. "It's not. We're just going back there to wait until it's the exact time that we left last night. Maybe we'll meet up with our little green buddies," Mulder explained to Scully. "They're gray," Scully corrected him. Scully ignored the stare Mulder gave her. "OK, we're here," Mulder said, pulling into the driveway. "Let's see, I looked at the clock before we left, so if memory serves, we have 1 minute. Not bad timing." "Mulder, if memory serves? You have a photographic memory, of course it'll serve!" Mulder shrugged. "I mean, what if it doesn't work in your body?", Mulder asked with raised eyebrows. "Then we're stuck, hopefully not in each other's bodies," Scully said, hoping Mulder didn't notice how worried she was. "So, we've got 30 seconds," Mulder said, looking at his wristwatch. "This was one helluva bad April Fool's Day joke." "Too bad we fell for it, Mulder said, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway. Scully woke up and immediately felt pain in her head. Gingerly, she reached up and touched the huge goose egg that was beginning to show. Suddenly, the past night's events came back to her in a sudden crush. She winced, closed her eyes even tighter, and prayed she was back to normal. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked down and her pants and brightly colored tie she was wearing. She held in a sob. , her head practically screamed. She looked at one of her hands. It was a girl's hand. She was back! She looked over at Mulder and burst out laughing. He was wearing a too-tight woman's suit! , she laughed. , he wondered as he tried to lift a hand to his head. His eyes shot open when he heard a ripping noise. He looked down and saw his hairy legs sticking out of one of Scully's skirts. The events of the last evening quickly came back to him, too. HE began to laugh. "I guess I should've shaved," Mulder laughed, motioning to his legs. That's all, folks! I know it was weird, but I had to get it out of my system. Oh, well. I hope that's it, but I seriously doubt it. Beware! Beware! Hahahahahahahaha! "The aliens wear orange and they love to rock and roll..." from "Aliens" by Babyface Nelson (my voice teacher's band, which isn't yet out on CD!)